I think my ex boyfriend is gay.

[Ljk82]

Hi everyone,

 

Ok, so my exboyfriend broke up with me not so long ago and i've been having a pretty hard time coping. My best friend and I were talking today and she brought up a whole list of things that indicated he was gay.( I told her everything in our relationship) I actually sat back and was in shock and never put together all of the signs. I think he might be..Now I don't want to confront him on this, hence I don't want to speak with him. But this is something I'd like to know. I don't have any gay friends so I'm just wondering if there are any homosexual guys or anyone who have friends that are gay that can give me advice.

 

The reasons I think he is:

 

1. The first week we went out he told me that when he was in college, there was a moment he "thought he might be gay" he never acted on it, and "every guy has that moment in there life at some point whether or not they admit it"

 

2. He has a million girlfriends

 

3. Everywhere we went, every show we watched he had to tell me how pretty every girl was. (maybe bc he had to reassure himself?) ..(he would compliment me too, but every single pretty girl he had to say something)

 

4. He didn't have sex with me often, and when we did a lot of times he would loose his erection in the middle of it.

 

5. He loved anal sex. That's all he wanted to do, and he was always fully aroused when we did that.

 

and that's pretty much it. I mean the way he acted, he talked very proper and he dressed nice, but I guess that doesn't mean anything..

 

So what do you guys think

[Ljk82]

And also he's never had a relationship over 5 months. which I guess doesn't say to much. But he stated how he broke up with most of his girlfriends and he's had quite a few.

[robowarrior]

All these things don't matter because you two are thru. And even if you get the answer that he was gay will that change anything? The answer could be that he might be, but what if he is bi-sexual? What if he is a-sexual, what if he wanted anal sex just so he didn't have to worry about getting baby's which enabled him to let go and get aroused?

 

Really, there are things in life that are significant, and things that are not.

But if you don't know what the gender preference is of your partner, it means you haven't been communicating in a proper way at all. Partners should always be honest to eachother, if you would have asked him before you did all that, you'd save yourself from having to ask yourself these questions in vain now.

[Ljk82]

All these things don't matter because you two are thru. And even if you get the answer that he was gay will that change anything? The answer could be that he might be, but what if he is bi-sexual? What if he is a-sexual, what if he wanted anal sex just so he didn't have to worry about getting baby's which enabled him to let go and get aroused?

 

Really, there are things in life that are significant, and things that are not.

But if you don't know what the gender preference is of your partner, it means you haven't been communicating in a proper way at all. Partners should always be honest to eachother, if you would have asked him before you did all that, you'd save yourself from having to ask yourself these questions in vain now.

 

I understand what you are saying, but I didn't put all of those things together until after we broke up. You're are right, it really doesn't matter bc we are not together anymore. But it would help me cope if I knew. Everything was great and said he wasn't ready for a commited relationship. (which could be true. Maybe he's afraid of commiment and that's why he's never had a long relationship.) But I think it might be more and I'd just like opinions of others weather those signs lead to him being gay, or even bi sexual...

[bachinit]

I had one of those "gay moments" initiated by a friend of mine when I was 15. No sex, but just kind of a you show me yours and I'll show you mine kinda thing. I wasn't at all turned on by it, but I can't answer for him. We were friends for a long time after that but it never happened again. He did turn out to be gay (which was fine by me) and I turned out to be hetero.

 

Not sure if that answers your question or not, but I've always wondered if every guy has an experience like that at some point.

[leo_s84]

Hmm...personally I've never had any "gay" moments...and i doubt it's true that almost every guy has them..

[Derailed]

I know youre asking these quesitons to cope with the rejection. I'm not even going to analyze why you want to determine his sexuality post break-up, but I do know how it feels to have these nagging questions especialy when youre dealing with rejection and letting go of someone. So I'll put in my 2 cents, for whatever its worth.

 

From the list he doesn't come off as gay. My 2 brothers LOVE clothes and dressing nice and looking good, but theyre straight. I'm the gay one, and I don't know squat about dressing nice (they give me tips all the time, funny huh?).

 

I would say though, that when I was in the closet, I used to do #3 a lot. I felt the need to reassure my friends, male or female, that I found girls attractive. I didn't just make comments, I flirted. And you know what they say about extreme flirts, that they exhibit some latent form of homosexuality.

 

So is your ex straight? IMHO sounds like he is. But there really is no way of reading this ambiguous behaviour until you get some concrete evidence (ex. he's got a boyfriend). Where ego is concerned, I guess it matters to you at this point. But try not to think too much into it.

 

Take care, hope you cope with this well. Hope you find the kind of man you'd want to be with in the future.

[Rabican]

Hi everyone,

 

 

 

1. The first week we went out he told me that when he was in college, there was a moment he "thought he might be gay" he never acted on it, and "every guy has that moment in there life at some point whether or not they admit it"

So what do you guys think

 

No. Im straight and I can safely say I have NEVER EVER thought I might be gay. You ever see the movie saw? where the guy has to cut off his foot to stay alive... ya being gay ranks right up there with the thought of cutting off my own foot.

 

Hes either gay, or bi... which is gay. Either way IT DOESNT MATTER!! ITS YOUR EX. Move on.