does he have an insecurity after all?

[smiles314]

Ok guys, here is my quickie question...

 

So my ex bf keeps talkign to me a lot, and says that he misses me, thinks about me all the time, and wants to be with me (but hasnt made it clear how serious). Basically its hard for me to believe him since i have these insecurity issues now from him (since he was the dumper).

My quick question is that, lately everytime i am online when he is, he ims me within a few mins. And hes been iming me like once a day at least. So this pattern was starting to form, he would just keep saying hi to me and it was making me feel like he really means what he says and he does miss me a lot- cause i would just constantly get ims from him.

Well last night, I came online and i saw my ex was there. So i left for a minute, and when i came back to my surprise he hadnt imed me. Then i was thinking that since he was iming me 24/7, maybe he was busy or didnt feel like talking... But when i imed him to see wat was up.. he said that he wanted to "switch things up" and wanted to see if id im him without him having to im me. Yeah i know this sounds dumb, the whole AIM thing.... but thats where we do a lot of our talking lately. Then i had asked him if he really doubted i'd im him, and he said he wasnt sure. Soo does this mean he is insecure, and just does a really good job of hiding it? Or was he just feeding me a line, and really just didnt care whether we spoke? its weird to me ya kno...... Because i feel like im the one with all the insecurities, its weird to think that he could feel the same -wondering what i think of him after everything thats went on... And the next time we are online together, u think he will continue to keep iming me the way he used to?

[Yahko]

Wasup Smiles !

 

I didnt the same "game" in Yahoo MSN, Every day I sent a smiley to this girl and a hi. Only once she said hi to me, first.

 

So he want you back, by sending those messages. And you start to wonder , why this time he is not sending. He is testing you. I did the same, and i see that she never replied to me.

 

So.....it bothers you a little why he is not answering. Maybe he is just giving up...........I dont know....

[segagirl]

I actually have done this myself...you sorta get sick of always being the one to start the conversations. I would not say it is insecurity per say...just wanting to see if YOU would make the move.

[PhoenixInATL]

Advice to anyone who uses AIM with someone they're involved with...

 

At first, it's fun and flirty, but eventually too much is read into things, especially if one or both people are feeling insecure or has trust issues. I know this first hand. You can get obsessed with trying to read into it. I got so hung up on "he IM'd me, he didn't IM me, yesterday he sounded enthusiastic, today not so much..." There's been times I've been simply chatty, and he took it that I was "questioning" him or not believing him due to my follow up questions just trying to make conversation. Then it leads to a phone discussion to straighten the stuff out. If we were talking in person, that never would've happened. As computer consultants, we both use AIM at work, so we saw each other online all day every day of the week. Generally, things are fine, but if you go through an awkward spot, AIM makes it even more awkward. You may want to keep to yourself during this time, but simply ignoring them seems uncomfortable because of the stronger and unintended message it may send. Even worse, once you've realized that AIM is not healthy for your relationship, you can't turn it off because of the message THAT will send...even if you try to explain it, the other person will wonder if the explanation is a smoke screen for something worse. Not only that, individual time is healthy for a relationship, but because we were on there day in and day out (because of our jobs), it's like we were in each other's faces for 40-50 hours a week, but without the quality time. It was almost smothering, and almost seemed to dampen our enthusiasm. I felt relief when he went to a client site for two weeks where he couldn't GET online. It felt like we were a "normal" dating couple. We had a chance to miss each other...

 

Just my experience...I will never give my AOL IM (especially my work one) to anyone I'm dating again. If we're married, that's one thing...we expect and want to see each other daily. But if the relationship is still budding, it can feel like too much and cause too many unneccesary misunderstandings, which only lead to "concerns" about the relationship that may have otherwise never existed.

 

Word from the wise...