Why...why...why...

[Slain67]

This is continuing off from this other topic:

 

 

Well, the nightmare continues...

 

After she left California, she started changing her myspace by deleting all my relationship-related comments and poems. She never told me she was breaking up with me but I assume she slowly over the week convinced herself or wanted to make me see it faster. I called her, she said she didn't have time to tell me but ya, we're broken up. She gave me some excuses like the long-distance thing and how we're too different (she's outgoing & I'm not) to spare my feelings. It was so cold of her. She's already in a relationship with this one friend of hers who has had a crush on her for a few years now right after she broke up with me. I guess she didn't find me attractive or maybe she was just trying to find out if I was bf material cause before we hooked up as bf&gf, she just wanted to be friends. Then I convinced her to try out this LDR and she accepted it. Everything was going great before that weekend (or maybe it seemed like it 'cause she's good at lieing from what I can tell...like telling me she wasn't going out with this one guy but I recently found pictures dating this week of her passionately kissing the guy on the lips several times in her photobucket album).

 

I suppose I was too clingy and got physical with her to soon. I guess I expected too much. I was planning on making the weekend fun and show her it's not about sex but I did the very opposite when the weekend came. I couldn't control myself. I kept getting boners and turned on whenever she was near me, especially when she touched my hand. I'm still a virgin and I got too eager to move things quickly. She was only gonna be with me for one weekend a month and I wanted to do everything I could with her before she left (not because I wanted to get physical in general but cause I wanted to get physical with HER - I wanted to connect on a deeper level then just talking) ...maybe 'cause I was insecure about myself or the relationship. I had a frame of mind that that weekend was gonna be the last so I acted like it was and she saw it subconsciously and believed it. Also, she was my best friend during 4th grade and just recently found me plus we've been talking to each other for a month, thus I felt that I knew her already pretty well. So when the weekend came, she wasn't a stranger to me. Before she came to visit me, she said that she wanted to come and see if she was in love. So I believed that she was in the same comfort zone with me. Maybe I bored her up over the weekend...I don't blame her...I don't know why but I really screwed things up...

 

I feel so much regret. I did everything wrong that I could have besides hitting her or something. I didn't even take a picture for us to put on our phone wallpaper and myspaces. In fact, we didn't even take any pictures at all. I didn't even realize that I was being clingy or baby-ish or boring. I feel like such an idiot.

 

I thought I finally found someone that has always understood me; that I found my match; my true soulmate. I mean, she was the only one to accept me as a friend when we were kids. Then I meet her online after all these years and she agrees to try out LDR 'cause she liked me so much, despite all the changes we've gone through. Now, she thinks I'm someone that I'm not --a clingy baby.

 

I felt this unbearable tension in my stomach for a few days after that weekend and lost all focus on the other parts of my life. No apetite and hardly any sleep.

 

I always screw things up so bad...I feel like I can't get over this...why...maybe my perfectionist kicking in...I remember posting this topic too. reading that short thread adds more background to this post.

 

But I need some help/advice/anything please!

[Sn0man]

Toughen up. You're too clingy.

[cristal]

Sn0man, that was mean.

[Slain67]

I really need help/advice/anything. Anyone?