Progress and reactions

[Captain34]

back in the day 22-3 months ago I would absolutely be crushed if I saw something on my ex's facebook page that even suggested something going on with her and another guy. i knew some of what i saw was purposely posted by her as an attempt to make me jealous - not to hurt me but rather to make her feel better. regardless, seeing any of this was baaaaad news.

 

but now it really doesnt get to me nearly as much. sure i dont want to see her with anyone, but its crazy how much better i am with things. maybe that is because i have been on a roll lately in the dating scene. now its me who has had suggestive things posted on my page - all of which was done by the new women in my life. ive made a point not to respond to this via the internet - both because id rather use other avenues and because i dont want to appear like i am trying to make my ex jealous. maybe a silly concern, but she and i have many, many mutual friends and i hope at the very least for her and i to just be plain cool again.

 

not a good habit, but i checked her page this evening. was looking back at some of the old things I saw this summer remembering how hard it all hurt. doing this i noticed she wrote something to someone i believe she rebounded with in august (who is abroad). thing is, it really didnt sting at all...

 

and here's the kicker. it seems to be clear to me now taht she is hurting regarding the whole breakup more than i am now. i am not happy about this - i am just pleased with the healing ive done. damn ive come along way.

 

another fact to include is that not only can she see things online, her very good friend and roommate saw me take a lady friend home with me on Friday. I am sure that was hard on my ex. but hey, she is the one who ended things.

 

so if i am on point with all this, what do you all think i should do to improve things with my ex? i would seriously consider reconciliation, but FINALLY that is not my only motivation anymore. I honestly want to beable to be cool with my ex again.

 

So the question is.....continue doing my own thing and give her no attention, or try and throw out a friendly olive branch??? i hate to admit this because i hate games, but my guts tells me that with continued NC she will contact me because she is finally seeing that i am really slipping out of her reach.

 

what do you all think?

[melrich]

back in the day 22-3 months ago

 

Is this 22 - 23 months ago or 2 - 3 months ago?

[Captain34]

2-3 months ago, my bad

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Depends, how healed are you, and are you ok because you seem to be doing better than she is right now or because you really have moved on. Answer that and the choice should be obvious. Also, if you’re truly concerned about her, do you think contacting her will be a good thing or a bad thing for her?

[Captain34]

ran into her tonight, obviously. i dont believe in fate but damn each time i think deeply about this is see her.

 

i believe i was clearly doing better tongiht.

 

more feedback and details will follow, i need some sleep.

[heloladies21]

Still too much games going on and this will only work to hurt you. None of the underlying issues are getting resolved this way so if you see any positive reactions out of her, they're gonna be short lived as the old problems will creep back up.

[Captain34]

i disagree - i don't feel like games are going on. sure there is something there that goes undiscussed, but it isnt games. i just feel like she has a difficult time handling the whole situation.

 

underlying issues arent being resolved because we havent really spoken much. im not going to stay strict NC and I'm not going to make the effort to improve things.

 

I'm just going to continue doing what I did last night: have a good time, remain confident, understand it isnt all roses with her, and most importantly just be the nice guy towards her that i am.

 

thanks for the feedback

[usababe]

Hey Captain34, thanks for your advice in my thread.

I agree with you, I think you should keep doing what you are doing. Be nice, fun and friendly, that's what I've decided to do when I meet up with my ex next month.

Best of luck

[Captain34]

hey usababe, hope you are hanging in there.

 

i get frustrated because it seems like the situation with my ex is still in limbo - we aren't intimate or even close to reconciling, but we also aren't to the point where we are friendly and things are just chilled out. after all this time she doesnt seem to be over me yet. if she isnt over me then whats the deal? i love her and miss her a lot at times, i even think of reconciling now and then. sometimes i know taht probably isnt the best way to go.

 

i just wish she and i could be cool together, hang out now and tehn and be friendly. i absolutely hate trying to figure out what is the right way to interact when i bump into her.

[TheRedQueen]

The answer is....continue doing your own thing, and please stop snooping at her online profile, the fact that you are still doing this is pretty telling. You've got to heal before you can seal the next deal.

[Captain34]

seal the next deal? what do you mean by that??

 

i really have healed, only thing that i think would hurt now is eeing her with someone else. i am pretty sure she hasnt gotten into anything serious, actually im almost positive, so i havent had to face that yet.

 

i know looking online is a bad thing. but i know she is doing the same thing. very very frustrating when there is still so much there. reconciliation would be nice - but only if done so as to learn from past mistakes. simple friendship would be great too - as long as boundaries were madeclear and we took it slow.

 

just damn frustrating to be in the middle!

[usababe]

hey usababe, hope you are hanging in there.

 

i get frustrated because it seems like the situation with my ex is still in limbo - we aren't intimate or even close to reconciling, but we also aren't to the point where we are friendly and things are just chilled out. after all this time she doesnt seem to be over me yet. if she isnt over me then whats the deal? i love her and miss her a lot at times, i even think of reconciling now and then. sometimes i know taht probably isnt the best way to go.

 

i just wish she and i could be cool together, hang out now and tehn and be friendly. i absolutely hate trying to figure out what is the right way to interact when i bump into her.

 

I know exactly what you mean Captain34. My ex and I had made plans to meet up in a few weeks but he's acting so confused since. I don't know whether to let him know when I'm in his country now, or if I do will things be weird between us or does he even want to meet up. My head is wrecked but I feel I have to meet up with him.

Have you bumped into your ex since?

[Captain34]

hey usababe, hope all is well.

 

no, i havent bumped into her since, but i am about positive ill see her this weekend. not only does a mutual friend have a birthday party this weekend, but we are often invited to the same events on the facebook. plus, her coworkers are having a beirut tourney at my old frat house.

 

we havent made any plans to meet up, etc. but things are so clearly unresolved. i can tell by her body language when i see her, how she always keeps an eye on me and who i speak with when we run into each other, and even by how her friends act. last weekend i went to a mutual friends house (a house of ladies) and had a great time. one in particular brought my ex up in conversation but i didnt think anything of it at the time, just that she was being kind and concerned. then i find out the next day that said girl was having coffee with my ex and obviously chatting about me.

 

i have about 4 chances of running into her this weekend. honestly, at this point the breakup isnt hurting me, its just the uncertainty of womdering what affect my possible actions could have...