Help don't know what to do!

[usababe]

My ex of almost a year has been in contact with me lately.

I'm sure alot of you know my story by now but here it is again anyway: I was his first proper gf, he broke up with me saying he didn't know if he wanted a relationship, I was shocked and hurt so went NC straight away. A few months later he started contact again saying he'd been thinking about me and thought he made a mistake but when it came down to it he still didn't know what he wanted.

The last time I met with him he tried to kiss me and I stoped him asking if he knew what he wanted and he said no.

So I initiated NC again and moved on, started dating again until a month ago he started contacting me again at first it was just casual e-mails but then it turned flirty. He asked me if I'd be going to where he lives anytime soon (it was an LDR) I said I would in the next few weeks, he told him to let him know when I'm there and said jokingly he'd take me out if I came back to his place after. So the contact was going great, he would send kisses and we would talk for 3-4 hours at a time then all of a sudden nothing so I asked him what was going on and he said he just wanted to be friends!

I dunno what it is with him every time we start to get close he gets scared and runs off, his contact definitely wasn't just friendly. I don't know what to do when I get over there now, I think I'll always think "what if" if I don't so I'm thinking just meet up with him and be friendly and if he wants more he'll let me know. What do you think?

[majord23]

I'm not saying that this *is* the case, but it has all the classic signs of him contacting you and keeping you in the picture whenever he finds himself single.

 

He may have met someone while he was communicating with you, or sorted out the problems in a relationship that he was already in. That is the first thing that looked plausible to me while reading your post.

 

Either way, you're not being fair to yourself to allow him to 'yo-yo' you like that.

[Juliana]

"he told him to let him know when I'm there and said jokingly he'd take me out if I came back to his place after"

 

Yeah, I love those "jokes" where they say they'll be nice to you if you have sex with them....they're so funny!! ;P

 

I think he's only knocking on your door when another woman has closed one in his face. Look for men who take you out to dinner whether or not there's anything in it for them.

 

I know his type, I think. Always looking for a better girl, afraid to let go of the one they've got. Don't see him again; he'll always be hot and cold like this.

[Captain34]

usababe,

 

lets take an aside her. first of all, id be willing to bet that you are a hot catch! i know you love this guy and he's gotten into your heart - but you have to remember what great value you have as a woman. my advice is to go get male attention. even if you dont want to be intimate yet, go out and get some attention for yourself.

 

now i dont know this fella, buy im a guy too...i dont think he is aiming to make you hurt or confuse you. but as a guy, i know that good feeling you get when you know you have a girl hooked - especially when other women are in the picture.

 

bottom line, you need to reject him. nc is good and all but similarly to myself, it seems to just be a waiting game for you. id say wait until he talks to you again, dont be mad, spiteful, jealous, etc - just treat him like hes one of those lame, unattractive chumps you've turned down countless times before. i really think this will empower you, which you deserve. but i alsi think its the final stand you need to make that hasnt happened yet.

 

keep your head up and you'll get through all this just fine.

 

and if you feel so inclined id appreciate a lady's feedback on my thread.

[usababe]

Thanks guys. So I definitely shouldn't meet up with him then? I just keep thinking that it's "make or break" time now and I have to talk to him face to face to see how he really feels. It's impossible to have proper conversations with someone over e-mail and text messages. I don't know I just feel so powerless, I always felt good when I did NC because I never let myself down by chasing after him but stupid as it is I keep thinking he must have some feelings for me if he won't just let me go after all of this time.