Obsessive Worry About Boyfriend Dying

[romantic sweetheart]

In the past couple of months I have had an incessant fear and worry about losing a loved one to death. I am in a long-distance relationship with a man who will be flying to the U.S. to be with me on December 9th. This should be a time of joyful anticipation, but instead I am crippled by severe anxiety and fear about his plane trip over here. In the wake of terrorist threats and all these constant reminders that "You are no safer flying than before 9/11" I have become riddled with fear about his trip.

 

Above all, I am terrifed that he will be taken away from me because....I don't know....because I am creating my own terrifying reality, and the universe will agree and fufill my fears?? I am afraid of loss....I have always been an anxious person, and as a child I was saturated with deep fear about losing my mother---Whenever she was just a bit late picking me up after she got off work, I assumed she was dead. At recess I would think about her death, and sob to myself. I also worried about my own death, and always was afraid I would die in my sleep.

 

My anxiety has intensified to debiliating levels, and I really feel like my worries will become reality. I know it seems ridiculouors, perhaps, to think that thoughts can create reality, but people have been telling me that our thoughts do create our reality.......I know this is comforting concerning positve manifestations, but conversely, what if I have these awful fears....Do these fears become true?

 

Ever since I was achild, I also have had terrifying dreams about plane crashes, which amplifies my crushing anxiety. I now must sleep with my light on all night--I know it appears silly, as I am 30-years-old, and should be able to sleep without the light on....But in this past year, I have felt out of control with my depression and anxiety.

 

I have gone the antidepressant route, but do not wish to do that again, as I am seeking natural therapies. However, I admit, I am struggling to control my depression and anxiety this way.

 

Does anyone have any advice as to what I can do to stop this worry? It may seem morbid, but my mind is so entrenched in this fear, that when I talk to my boyfriend, I have an "outside" view as if I am looking back on the conversation (while it is happening), from the viewpoint of knowing he has died...And I am remembering his words......I already feel like I am grieving.....I know this isn't normal, and I need to stop, but I don't know why these thoughts intrude. I keep reading his emails as if I am reading them after he has passed away. It is awful.

 

I feel like I am preparing myself....I don't want to think like this. I know something in my mind is broken. There's a lot of pain. So much pain, I really don't know what I can do to cope.

 

Any advice would be warmly appreciated.....

[Mr Mister1]

Hmm I don't know if this will help or not but here's a few thoughts.

 

When you think about it, everytime you do anything you always run the risk of something bad happening, but what's the alternative? Just sitting in your room all the time? I'd rather just go ahead with what I'm doing and if something bad happens, well one way or another I'll manage but unless/until it happens there's little point worrying too much.

 

Is there any reason to think your boyfriend will die? Has he been sick or had any bad accidents of late? Perhaps though you should just focus on enjoying your time with him knowing that anything could happen anytime.

 

Oh and finally, when you've succeeded with all this please PM me and tell me how you did it

[redrose85]

I can somewhat relate. I have had depression in the past, and at some point in the last few months (what should have been one of the happiest times in my life) I was gripped by fear and anxious thoughts. I'd go to sleep and my mind would click over into horror story mode, where someone I loved (usually my bf) would die some form of horrible death. I had the same thoughts as I was waking up. I really felt that I couldn't control them. It got to be too much and I confided in my bf, and suprisingly, it did help. Now when I get those thoughts, I try to push them away and think of something positive. sometimes it helps, sometimes not, but it has gotten less intense.

 

Does confiding in people on enotalone help to lessen the burden at all for you? Hopefully it does. It sounds like you need to accept that you DO deserve love and a good life, and that sure it can be taken away from you in an instant, but chances are it will not be. It's late and I'm tired, so I'm not able to say what I want to to try and help you...bah. do you ever have fears of car crashes? Just wondering, because I definitely do. try not to get lost in your own "reality" and create a positive world for yourself.

[4ever]

i understand you. i worry too about people, sometimes there were times when i worried more than usual, etc.

well there is nothing you can really do, all you can do is remind those people to be careful and be careful yourself. and think positive instead of negative, cause i heard about this thing like sometimes thoughts can turn into reality, might be bs, but its just better to try to stay positive no matter how it is, worrying wont help you, you just stress yourself.

best of luck

[Beyondthesea]

I am also an obsessive worrier about my fiance. It's really debiliating, and no one who isn't that way can really understand I don't think.

 

What I do to calm myself is sit and listen to calming music with my eyes closed for a bit, then visualize. Visualize your boyfriend doing whatever you are worried about and then ending up safe, etc. Gently guide your thoughts away if they become worrisome.

 

This does work, it really does. It's kept me sane for many a year

[redrose85]

I wanted to say in response to my last reply, that I had a weird dream as I was waking up this morning. I imagined that someone was breaking in to the apartment, and I was holding the curtains closed with my hand, and whoever it was shot me in the hand. (I work on computers all day and NEED my hand) it was a weird twist, because nobody died, and my bf wasn't even hurt at all. we just wound up running outside and called the cops. Then I woke up. It was much less traumatic than usual

[romantic sweetheart]

I was very glad to receive everyone's responses--Because now I know I am not abnormal for thinking the way I do sometimes. I decided to help myself today and bought a meditation CD, which I am listening to during the night as I sleep, and for ten minutes each day to meditate on positive things. It's not easy, but neither are these troubling thoughts, so I'd rather struggle to help heal them instead of just struggling period.

 

You all were so kind and supportive--And that makes a tremendous difference in my life----

[redrose85]

how is it working so far?

[mrmando]

i can relate myself in some ways. i talk to my girl friend about my worries of if we will be together when we die. she just says dying is a part of life. me well i just think if you compare a human life to how long the earth has stood well it just does not seem very long. i also sleep with my desk blocking the door. i'm afraid of some one killing me in my sleep. the not knowing when i will die drives me crazy. but i just try to live a good clean life. oh yes i sin like everyone. but my sins i never try to hurt anyone intentionally. i forgive everyone who has wronged me. and i pray for forgivness every night. i ask for jesus to send me a sign. that everything will be alright. in the end who knows. no one knows for sure. but i know i want to go out believing in a god that is very very good. and believing that i'm good enough to meet him one day.