Bloody rambling mess (sorry long one)

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

This post is probably too long considering how small the problem is but I’m terrible at reducing things (because so much gets lost in the reduction!) so if you’re not in the mood for some drawn out barely coherent rambling, do pass on this one. I won’t feel hurt. I guess I just need a place to vent.

 

First some back ground. I met a girl in my kick boxing class about seven months ago. We hit it off really well. She has a lot of the traits that I like; confident, athletic, intelligent, clever, and she was really attractive. I didn’t realize (or I didn’t want to accept) that she was also a bit of a control freak. Things started off really passionately, but neither of us thought this was going to go anywhere. But we connected so powerfully and so quickly we were both surprised by how fast things moved. Anyway these details don’t really matter that much. Needless to say that I fell for her pretty hard. But as always there were complications. In the back of my mind I knew that it wasn’t going to work out but I consciously chose not to listen to my good sense. It turns out I have a habit of attracting and being attracted to nut jobs.

 

So we break up. Well, she broke up with me. At the time I was going through a separate major crisis and even though I knew this wasn’t going to work out I didn’t want it to end. I think it was because she provided me with enough drama that I could distract myself from dealing with the more serious problem. In the end it was over. We’ve been apart for over a month now. I’ve always been an advocate of the clean break when things end. I don’t like being friends with my ex’s, because in the past all that has happened is that I end up not fully recovering and a small sliver of hope is kept alive in me that things will eventually work out and they never do.

 

So finally to the problem. She still goes to the class I attend on Monday and Wednesday nights, and a mutual friend that I met through her goes to a MMA class I attend on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. When I see her at kick boxing I’m doing everything I can to avoid her. I don’t look her way, I steer clear of her when we need to get pads or break for water, and I’m a lot better and outweigh her by about fifty pounds so we never have to spar. Still I do catch her glance once in a while and she’s either looking at me blankly or glaring at me. Either way it’s really uncomfortable. Even avoiding her makes me feel awkward. I’ll be fine other times during the week, but every Monday and Wednesday I have to take a little trip in my mind back to the place where we broke up.

 

Another minor thing that has me worried is that she might be pumping out mutual friend for info about me, and I’ve been slowly pulling away from him. I really liked hanging out with the guy, but I don’t know him well enough to be confident he isn’t telling her things that are going on about me. I don’t want her to know anything. I’d like to become a distant memory in her mind, and I’d like her to become one in mine as well.

 

Finally the question: since I will not quit my Monday and Wednesday class, can you think of anything else I could do to make this less awkward? I’ve been toying with the idea of just telling her to stop glaring at me, but I’ve made so much progress in the last month and I’m really weak when it comes to her that I don’t want to risk talking with her and potentially falling for her charms again. That little sliver of hope in me is really selling this idea to me, which is all the more reason not to do it.

 

All that plus tonight a guy snuck one in and kicked me in the short ribs and now it hurts to breathe. Phew, I really needed to get that out. Thanks for listening.

[ForAnother]

I think it might be a little late to do what I am about to say... but here it goes regardless.

 

When I broke up with my ex, we said "we know its going to be awkward after this, so just know its awkward for both, just understand each others situation and let them be".

 

I think she is having a similarly difficult time with having you there.

 

Just gotta keep going and show you have confidence. Don't look down. Ignore her yes, but always keep your head up and smiling.

 

-ForAnother