I just saw my ex after 1 month

[Rainy Brussels]

Arghhhhh......

 

That's how I feel at the moment ](*,)

 

My girlfriend and I broke up about 1 month ago, it was a mutual thing, though I did tell her a few days later that we'd made a mistake and we should try again (about the 5th time this year). She told me she was adamant that not being together was the best solution as we were on the road to destruction and didn't want to ruin our friendship.

 

I did try and meet her a few times but always re-thought and then after finding this great forum I started to apply the NC rule, and 'voila' I did start feeling better last week.

 

She sent me an email the other day asking how I was, told me what she was up to and how I could come and get my stuff from her place, which is just my bike and a few clothes, whenever I wanted, there was no hurry.

 

As much as I wanted to reply, I didn't and I felt better for it. Then all of a sudden about 2 hours, I drop into the pharmacy near my office, which is also near hers and I turn around and there she is. I hadn't seen her since when we decided to call it quits. It was such a massive shock.."of all the pharmacies in the world", I think I said something along these lines.

 

I talked with her outside, I was strong, polite and as much as I wanted to give her a massive hug, I kept myself under control, didn't talk about 'us', and excused myself after about 1 min.

 

Now I feel I have gone back 2 weeks, I was doing so much better and now I just want to burst into tears, and email her and tell her I want her back, though I know that's the worst thing I could do. I feel I made the mistakes, and that I should explain to her that after a month I see things differently.

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to get over a set back like this?

[TheRedQueen]

By hitting your head repeatedly up against a brick wall.

[ButterflyWrists]

Just keep up NC, don't be rude if you do see her, but make it plain to her that you'd rather not be her friend as it is too painful for you. And try going out with some friends and have some fun.

Most people's misstakes are to make their live's revolve arround their parteners. Take a break from wanting a patener and socialise with friends and/or family.

[itsallgrand]

Call her and tell her when you are picking up your stuff. Don't use it as an excuse to 'talk' to her or tell her 'how you feel'. Just go get your stuff, on your time. Say outloud "I do not want you to phone me, I do not want emails. I do not want to see you."

 

You are acting like you are some victim of circumstance. 'Of all the pharms in the world'...Ehhhh? lol. It's right by her office dude! Chances were pretty good, you knew that.

 

Be definitive and start making the decisions for yourself. You said the break was mutual, but you're acting like a forlorn lover. And she tells you what she is doing, and you let her.

 

Finish it!

[sparkle1]

A general rule of enotaloners seems to bethe lack of control we all feel we have over our relationships and situations.

 

What we all fail to see is we have total control. We make our own destiny.

 

You have only put yourself back a little bit....but this is all part of the healing process. Hitting brick walls is common when you're plodding along - thinking you're doing really well then BAM you see them.

 

I don't think you should go back. 5 times in one year is a lot of splits. She clearly recognises that you are torturing one another.

 

Collect your stuff. Delete her number, and move on. NC works when you are in control of it - meeting her by accident is thereforeeee not breaking NC!!

 

you were doing really well before - and you can get that back....

 

good luck

 

HUGS! xx

[Rainy Brussels]

Thanks so much for all your advice.

 

Yes, you are all correct in your comments, and yes, I agree with them. Time to move and and control my own destiny and make my own decisions.

 

Guess it was just the initial shock of seeing her after doing my best to avoid everywhere she might be at for the last 3 weeks. Of course, as surprised that I was to see her I guess in the back of my mind it was nice as well.

 

Do you think I'd be doing the right think picking my stuff up myself? I have friends that would go for me. I guess this would also give me the chance to tell her that I want no contact, but then again I could email her.