She Has A Boyfriend?

[CHobbes]

So I just recently decided that I really want to go to an upcoming formal dance at my school, unfortunately I don't have a girlfriend or really anyone to particularly ask. I was going through names in my head of friends/crushes that I'd like to go with, and I came up with one, let's call her Nicole

 

So the next day, I was talking with Carissa, one of my very close friends who's a mutual friend of me and the girl I want to ask. I sort of indiscretely mentioned that I really liked Nicole's hair, and Carissa's like "yeah, it's really nice. I'm really happy for her, everything's going great with her and Nick."

 

I about had a heart-attack at that point. Apparently Nicole has a boyfriend at another school that I had no idea about, which makes me glad I talked to Carissa first. It was at that point that I told her the truth and confided in her that I was hoping to ask Nicole out, but that obviously the fact that she has a boyfriend rules it out.

 

The conversation ended with Carissa saying something to the extent of "Her boyfriend wouldn't be able to come to our dance anyway, and I'm sure she'd like to go, maybe she'd be interested in going as friends." And I was like sure, it's a thought.

 

Well, Carissa took the initiative and asked Nicole if she'd like to go to the dance with me as friends, and she of course said yes.

 

My question is what exactly is the etiquette for taking a girl to a formal as just friends and when she already has a boyfriend? I know not to be like groping her or anything, but I need everybody's thoughts on the issue.

 

The thought that keeps popping through my mind is that we'll be dancing and I'll be looking into her eyes, looking at her, thinking "wow, she looks beautiful, I really wish we were more than friends." While she's thinking "wow, I really dig this song."

 

Thoughts on the whole situation would be greatly appreciated.

[Dating Coach]

I wouldn't have told Carissa that I liked Nicole, nor even asked Carissa anything about Nicole. I would have asked Nicole myself. It's a good habit to do. You don't have to tell her you like her, you can simply ask her out and you'll find out all you need to know that way.

 

As far as whether or not it's appropriate... I think that depends upon them. If her boyfriend doesn't mind Nicole going to the dance with a guy who's interested in her, then I guess it's okay. I personally wouldn't be cool with it at all.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Chobbles - sounds like you're a funny guy. Keep your sense of humour and just be friendly. Don't put expectations on the date/dance and I think you'll have fun. Just go into it thinking that you'll just have a good time with it!

[CHobbes]

Honestly, I hadn't intended for Carissa to ask her out for me.

 

Apparently, they were talking in class and Carissa mentioned that I really liked how Nicole's hair looked (she recently got it cut and dyed) and sensing a positive reaction she said that I wanted to go to the dance with a friend and it sort of evolved from there.

 

From what I understand, her boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it, seeing as that he can't due to our schools policy (must be a current student at our school or an alumni of not more than two years past graduation.)

 

I'm just not entirely sure what to make of the whole thing. I mean, it's not like I'm going to be groping her and trying to make out with her, I have self-control, but I mean, it just seems like it would be awkward being with a girl I really like, in a semi-romantic situation, and she's with me because she wanted to hang out with her friends.

[Lansing]

Yeah... You aren't going to be doing ANYTHING with her... Don't think you are going to win her over because if you are, well, don't bother going at all.. I think you are better off asking a single girl that you are also interested in to go with you. Don't tell me you only like one girl in your whole school??! Don't be like me and waste your high school years "infatuated" with girls that were already taken!

[heloladies21]

If you have no intentions to get romantic with her (which I'm not here to decide your morals), then I'd say you are selling yourself short. Think about it, if you already have this date with a friend, you're not going to be able to keep on it and ask some other girls. It just seems kinda pointless to me, to go on a date with a girl as friends. I personally don't have any girls as friends. Either we get romantic with each other or not.

[renaissancewoman101]

Heloladies21, what's so wrong in taking a girl to a dance as a friend. He doesnt know anybody else he wants to take and she is willing to go to the dance as friends. Obviously, he wants to go to the dance, so if he doesnt take her, he goes alone??? That doesnt look good either.

 

To me, guys and girls can be friends and can be good friends at that.

[Jayar]

Heloladies21, what's so wrong in taking a girl to a dance as a friend. He doesnt know anybody else he wants to take and she is willing to go to the dance as friends. Obviously, he wants to go to the dance, so if he doesnt take her, he goes alone??? That doesnt look good either.

 

To me, guys and girls can be friends and can be good friends at that.

 

But the issue here is HE doesn't WANT to just be friends... That complicates things. In this situation I'd say go with a group of guys, and ask girls to dance (who are with groups of girls) at the dance. At least that's the way it worked when I was in school.

[heloladies21]

I'm really happy for her, everything's going great with her and Nick."

 

I about had a heart-attack at that point.

Come on now, this isn't a friend, this is a crush and there's a big difference. So in the end, really it's up to your morals on whether or not you make a move on her at the dance. On my personal point of view, you are not in a relationship and thereforeeee have no commitment issues so are free to do as you please. The onus is on her to decide whether or not she wants to cheat on her boyfriend.

 

The REAL problem here is that you have a lot of girl "friends"(crushes) and this backdoor approach doesn't work to get girls. You need to learn how to stop hiding your interest in girls and learn how to pursue them as romantic interests.