29 and lost

[sunshine13]

Is there anyone else that is in their late 20s or past that and are completely lost in life? I dropped out of college so I don't have a degree, I have a decent job but I am beginning to hate it. I don't have the money or time (b/c of my odd hours) to go back to school. I have gotten myself in a lot of debt over the past years so my credit is bad. I found out that my old roommate never had our utilities switched over when she stayed at our apartment and I moved in with my mom to get settled. When I checked my credit report I found out that I owe the gas company $1200 b/c she never paid the bill and the electric company $700. thereforeeee I cannot even get my own apartment until they are paid. I do not have any family that is able to help me for now. I have applied for loans and credit cards to get them paid off and I just get denied. A friend of mine co-signed for a car for me and helped me pay to put the down payment down and now harasses me constantly that we are not friends anymore to get her off of the loan and refinance it although I can't. I have been paying her $120 a month to pay back the down payment. These past couple paychecks I have not been able to give anything. Now this person goes around telling everyone that we know that I am basically a low life and tells my story to everyone. My dad lives far away and is very cold and unemotional. My mom is the epitamy of white trash but I have to live with her until I can get back on track. I feel like I have NOTHING going for me. I was in a relationship with someone that I cared deeply for and was supposed to be moving in with him November 1st but he broke up with me about a month and 1/2 ago and hasn't spoken to me since. I feel like I am lost. . .my head is spinning and I have no where to turn. . . .

Any advice?

[Clementine orange]

It may sound trite but you have to have faith that it will get better. Life is full of peaks and valleys. Obviously you are in a valley. Years later you will look back on this and say "I survived".

Never give up, never, never, never...

[zrehman]

Hey there. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. But don't give up. I know things seem really hard right now, but if you think about it, can things get any worse than they are right now?? Probably not. You need to just be focused for a few months and just get all these bills settled as a first priority. I know it will suck, but if you sacrifice fun, hanging out or just spending money unwisely and just save and pay the bills, you will see a brighter sun at the end of the path. Just come on here, we are all here for you.

 

Maybe you should start working 2 jobs just to get some extra cash so you can pay your bills. I wish you had someone you could turn too, and in your situation you can't, so just be strong and hang in their! Don't ever give up and don't ever put your head down. If you can get through this, you can get through anything the world throws at you. And my personal favorite quote is:

 

"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger"

 

Goodluck!

[sunshine13]

Thank you guys and you are right. I do have faith that it will get better. I just basically wondered if anyone else in their late 20's just simply felt "LOST"? Like when someone asks me where I see myself in 5 years. . I don't have a clue. As far as the second job goes. I would love to do that but it is not really an option right now. My hours are from 11-8 pm everyday and we work every other Saturday.

[Scotcha]

It sounds like you're going through a rough spot right now but chin up because that's all it is, a rough spot. It's not what your life is giong to be like forever, especially since you seem motivated to turn things around.

 

I would first stop applying for loans. I don't know if you know this but every time you apply for a loan and get denied it actually effects your credit and makes it lower. It's counter productive.

 

Stop applying for credit cards! It is very likely that if you were to get a credit right now it would be very tempting to use and so you could very well end up even further in debt.

 

Call the utility companies that you owe money to and ask if you can be put on a payment plan arrangement. You can negotiate the amount of money that you will pay them monthly.

 

I would also see about having your debt consolidated. This helps with interest, monthly payments, and it is just easier to manage one bill rather than several.

 

If you want to go back to school I would see about taking some courses on line. That way you can work around your busy schedual. Also, many colleges have night classes and if that would be any help you could look into that.

 

Don't quit the job you have now but it couldn't hurt to start looking for a new job, or even a second job.

 

Best of luck to you!

[4thelast1]

First things first. Call the gas co. and make payment arrangements. Call all those you owe from your credit report and make payment arrangements also. You need to rebuild your credit. Go to the bank at which you bank at and open a secured credit card. Pull the money out (DONT SPEND IT)and use it to repay the secured credit card. It sounds crazy but this will start to establish back you credit. Do this with the credit card for about 1yr. You need 1yr of good credit payment. As an adult in todays world you need your credit before you need emotional caring parents or a boyfriend. If everyone told you to jump off a cliff would you do it???? Just because one person is telling everyone your a lowlife does it mean you are???? You are what you feel inside. Who cares what they think. If they believe that person then they were never your friend. You are old enough to know this. I have been where you are. It took me 3 years just to re-establish my credit. Its going to take some time. Everyone goes through financial trouble at some point. Dont beat your self up. Remember your credit is very important.

[Scotcha]

ps.. I'm in my mid-twenties and I certainly feel lost!

[sunshine13]

I am trying to get the credit re-established and paying off the debts. I had an appt. with consumer credit counseling and they had my monthly payments at over $400 with everything and it would be paid off in 2 years. I cannot really afford $400. The consumer credit counseling will not consider "personal loans" such as the one I described with my friend. They will not consider parking for work which is $140 a month. I am starting to pay off a little bit at at time. I guess I just feel like garbage like things just aren't going to get better fast enough for me.

[FoxLocke]

You are not the only one. I am in my late 20's(I'll be 26 in November), and I've done everything that I was supposed to do earlier NOW. I'll be graduating college in the spring and I really don't know what I want to do with my degree yet.

 

But, as cliche as it sounds, you have to take it one day at a time. It may seem rough now but you DO get over those rough patches...

 

I won't even lie. I am not where I THOUGHT I would be when I left highschool 10 years ago, not by a long shot. But I am where I am SUPPOSED to be. Honor your own process in life. Don't feel like you should be on some specific time table. Everyone is different. We get so caught up in this capitalistic mindset that it makes us miserable when we should be happy...lol

 

I need to totally take my own advice(read my 'Loser with a liberal arts degree' thread)...lol.

 

Anyway, do what is best for you.

 

You are not the only lost 20something!

[Survictor]

The only way things can get better for you is if you take control of your life. You can pass blame if you like but it doesn't matter whose fault it was if it lays bang smack at your door. It is yours to deal with. The longer you procrastinate, the longer and harder it will be for you to deal with and you really want to sort this out now so it isn't dragging behind you into your 30's and 40's huh?

 

1. Write a list of everything you must do to dig yourself out of it.

2. Add up the debts.

3. Get another job.

4. Don't spend another penny on non essentials.

5. Work out what you can afford to pay each company/person each month.

 

You cannot make your Mom a middle class suburban house wife and you cannot make your Dad more loving but you CAN sort out your own life.

 

Once you decide to take control, things will begin to fall into place. You will feel more confident and able to tackle new things.

 

This day is the first day of the rest of your better life.

[shikashika]

sunshine, I'm 29... and still not sure what i want to do when i grow up. most of my friends have mortgages and and are on two comfortbale incomes.. not me!

I think this is just a very temporary situation you find yourself in right now.. it sounds like you are being proactive and doing things to get out of it!

 

Good luck!

[sunshine13]

Thank you foxlocke. At least you have an accomplishment under your belt and things are going in the right direction. I guess I just have to have a little more faith in myself to turn things around. I am just going to have to work a lot harder at it b/c I have put myself in this situation.

Survictor. . .Did I blame someone else in my post? I am sorry if I did b/c I am not blaming anyone for anything. I don't blame my parents. . . I am simply stating that I do not like them very much. By not having anyone to help me I just meant simply that. Not that it is anyones fault that I am in the predicament that I am in. I have said earlier. . . I cannot get another job b/c of the hours I work at my current job. I cannot quit my job that I have now. It is the ONLY stable in my life. I may not like it but it is paying the bills right now. As far as spending money on trivial things. . . I don't b/c there is none left after I pay all of the bills.

I don't even know why I posted this. Things will eventually get better and I am not stupid. I just need to use my common sense.

[Survictor]

Well, it sounded a little as if you blamed your friend for running up the debt. I don't mean you're a bad person if you do blame them but it just doesn't help you if you do. I have learned that there is only one person in life you can truly rely on. It's you! By taking control of your situation and your life, I am sure you will find yourself in a better place and hey, you are already doing that so things will get better. it is a pity you have no support but as I said, the only person you can rely on is yourself.

 

I don't want to wish you luck because luck doesn't have much to do with it.

[rocio]

I don't even know why I posted this. Things will eventually get better and I am not stupid. I just need to use my common sense.

 

 

You posted this because you needed to hear that other people out there feel lost too. And we do! Trust me.

[jilligirl]

moving out of your house and renting a place will make things 100x harder for you financially. just an fyi.

[itsallgrand]

Hey Sunshine.

 

I'm in my late 20's too and nowhere where I thought I would be. Have felt very, very lost for quite a while. Things are getting way better, but it has taken a lot of work. And I can say there are definetly days where I just want to tear my hair out in frustration and feel sorry for myself. Bc I get tired, and frustrated, and sometimes fall into the age old comparison game (look how far they are, and why not me?). That's when I know I just need a break! I worked dam hard to get where I am - sometimes I need to remind myself of how far I actually have came. (see my 'What now? I don't know what to do anymore. Hmm' thread if you want to hear me byatch and get angry about life)lol.

 

You are certainly not lost. You have a good job that pays the bills and you survive. Your debt is under control and will be dealt with soon (time flies). Your credit will be rebuilt. You will meet someone else and fall in love again. You can go back to school, if you want.

 

One way to maintain sanity while doing the grueling work of getting ahead, is to specifically book time to relax/enjoy/take a break/indulge your passions.

You should do it anyways - if you burn out, you'll screw yourself over anyways. So make sure to reward yourself and appreciate what you are doing this all for.

 

I understand how frustrating it can be. But you are not a loser. You're improving your life, you're doing your bit. It will get better.

 

And I just wanted to say too...yeah, your mom might be a stinker in whatever regards, but she IS there for you! She's letting you live with her. It can't be helping you to feel any better about yourself to tear her down by calling her white trash.

 

tc