What would you think

[starlight]

If you had a husband who put you down often. My husband is forever calling me low-life, slob, bad mother, immature and other stuff. He has always done this, not everyday but quite often. It has ruined my self esteem so bad that I can't trust him anymore because I think that I'm not good enough for him and that he could find better.

 

He went away for business last week and he told me how this gorgeous, smart woman from overseas came and told him that she really liked the way he moved and that he was attractive. She's from Europe and I guess they're pretty upfront.

 

He came home really confident and when we had sex that night we did something that we haven't done before which worries me.

 

Would you guys have trouble with trust issues if this was happening to you. Especially the first paragraph. I find that I'm like a green eyed monster.

[rose2summer]

Hi hun,

 

I am so sorry you are undergoing his abuse,

 

Him name-calling you is definitely emotional abuse.

 

He wanted to make you jealous by bringing up that

 

Other woman which is not right.

 

In addition, him bring new moves to the table,

 

would definitely be an area of suspicion.

 

Have you tried couples counseling?

 

Do you believe he is cheating on you?

 

Hugs, Rose

[hosswhispra]

If you had a husband who put you down often. My husband is forever calling me low-life, slob, bad mother, immature and other stuff. He has always done this, not everyday but quite often. It has ruined my self esteem so bad that I can't trust him anymore because I think that I'm not good enough for him and that he could find better.

 

Those comments would wear anyone down. No wonder your self-esteem has plummeted down. Those are terrible words. The scars of abusive words actually run deeper compared to physical abuse.

 

Check this website out:

 

link removed

 

Empower yourself with knowledge.

 

hugs to you,

hosswhispra

[Celadon]

Starlight, my heart goes out to you. Your husband is not treating you with respect, so your reaction is understandable. I don't think you need to prove anything about whether he slept with this woman or whatever (hope I'm understanding you right).

 

The more important issue is that his behavior towards you needs to change. It may make him feel better to put you down, but that is not acceptable. I would look up the number for a domestic violence shelter in your area and try to talk with a counselor. You didn't say he is hitting you or anything, but the way he talks with you is verbal abuse. I encourage you to get some advice and counsel. If you treat him well, and he treats you poorly, then it is he who is not good enough for you.

[starlight]

Those comments would wear anyone down. No wonder your self-esteem has plummeted down. Those are terrible words. The scars of abusive words actually run deeper compared to physical abuse.

 

Check this website out:

 

link removed

 

Empower yourself with knowledge.

 

hugs to you,

hosswhispra

 

 

OMGoodness hosswhispra,

I read some articles on that site and that's it. The thing is, he's a sales rep and he's forever writing notes to himself and he's an expert at drawing people to him.

 

He does this with women also, and I've been there to see it. We went to a dinner a couple of weeks ago and he had women coming up to him left, right and centre. I could see that he was drawing them to him. Although he denies it.

[hosswhispra]

He does this with women also, and I've been there to see it. We went to a dinner a couple of weeks ago and he had women coming up to him left, right and centre. I could see that he was drawing them to him. Although he denies it.

 

That's the way they usually are. I have learned from personal experience. Out in public they are the most charming people--almost magnetic--you will meet. When you're not out in public, it changes.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if someone loves you, why would they want to make you feel bad about yourself, even for a minute?? i am so sorry to hear he does this to you, but it is not uncommon in emotionally abusive spouses...

 

please check out this book, the Verbally Abusive Relationship, at your library if you can't afford to buy it... it details the signs of abuse, and it is NOT your fault if this guy has a major problem and does not respect women. Reading this book will help you decide whether he is just going thru a phase where his ego is out of control, or whether he is truly abusive and you need to deal with that...

 

link removed

 

your personal relationships should be supportive and loving, and if you can't trust your own husband to want to encourage what is best for you, then you just plain can't trust your husband! Yea, he could have been unfaithful with that other woman if he is bringing home new sexual tricks, but that is the least of your problems if he is an obnoxious jerk who thrives on putting you down to make himself feel superior... (but if you truly think he is unfaithful, protect yourself from serious STDs like AIDS and herpes he might pass on to you from another woman).

 

start by reading this book, and get counseling for yourself to get outside support and advice, then decide whether the marriage is worth saving via marriage counseling.

[starlight]

Is it a normal thing that I would be the one who's constantly jealous though? I am always thinking that I'm not good enough for him and he will find somebody else?

[hosswhispra]

Is it a normal thing that I would be the one who's constantly jealous though? I am always thinking that I'm not good enough for him and he will find somebody else?

 

Regular putdowns ----> low self esteem ----> insecurities (e.g. jealousy)

[BeStrongBeHappy]

for an emotional abuser, he WANTS you to feel bad about yourself and believe you are the cause of ALL his (and your own) problems, because keeping you on edge and worried all the time and thinking that no one else will want you gives him TOTAL control... and that's what abuse is about control, not loving or 'corrrecting' or helping another person.

 

most abusers *love* having a beaten down but loyal wife waiting for them at home, waiting to leap up to meet their every little (unreasonable) needs because they are so anxious, but these abusers also want to run around with other women and get their egos stroked... so abusiveness is all about their wanting to have their cake and eat it too, and they will put you down as a strategy to ensure they can behave outrageously and you somehow end up blaming yourself for it, not them.

 

maybe the issue isn't that you have too much jealousy, maybe it is that your intuition is nagging you because he is putting up a smoke screen and really is cheating on you! if he comes home from a business trip bragging about how sexy some woman thought he was, then that should set off clanging bells that he might very well be cheating, especially if he is trying new moves in bed at the same time! so i would say the problem there might be cheating, not your jealously... but how convenient that he makes a POINT of saying something that is guaranteed to stir up anyone's jealousy (ie 'some other sexy woman likes my moves'), then BLAMES you for being jealous when he is the one making inflammatory comments... classic abusive behavior...

 

please read the book from the link above... it will probably clear up for you whether he is abusive or not, and help you decide how to address this.

 

so your first challenge is to see his behavior for what it really is, and recognize that he has done a mental number on you to keep you more compliant and waiting (wanting) to do everything exactly the way he wants it...

[Beyondthesea]

You feel insecure due to the abuse you've endured from him. I know, I've been there.

 

At first, you feel crazy because they tell you so. They make you feel like you are always in the wrong, always acting wrong, saying things wrong, doing things wrong...it makes you crazy.

 

Think about your life. Think about what you want and where you want to go and do. Then do it.