well I think I blew it

[papalazarou]

I would wait a month after you sent that letter. You could argue that it hasnt been a month of NC.

 

If you do ask her out make sure its just for coffee or a couple of drinks in the pub/bar.

[Ham]

I have just read through this thread. Jupiter, I honestly believe you should not contact your ex.

 

I feel I have made a huge mistake in contacting my ex since we split up. We broke up on the 22nd September. After I picked up my stuff a couple of days later, I sent her a text along the lines of 'i hope you find what you want, I'll respect your decision and give you space, if you ever want to talk about us you know where to find me blah blah'.

 

She text me back, simply "Thank you James, that really does mean a lot to me". But, this I managed for 2 days. 2 DAYS! What an idiot.

 

Then I was texting her constantly, long texts. 'I'm so sorry things went wrong, I'm sorry for this, sorry for that, we can be so good together...'. It made no difference. I'm sure it made any lingering feelings she may have had for me dissipate. Whether they'll come back again, who knows. But I know that nothing I say will make a difference. I need to let her miss me, and us, and I sure wasn't letting her do either of those things by not respecting her space and constantly reminding her that yes, there were things in our relationship which were wrong.

 

I think the turning point for me though is a weekand a half ago. I got absolutely off my face, chucked out of a bar, then I called her at 2am and left a stupid message on her voicemail. I don't remember doing it, but I did. As I woke to a text saying "my god you're a loser". Now I know you're not going to do that, but I deeply regret going back on my word from the start. What would I rather the last text I got from her was? It's obvious.

 

I did speak to her that day, in the morning. I know I shouldn't have but I was curious as to what I'd done. I really was so drunk I lost a few hours. I won't be doing that again.

 

And anyway, the basic outcome of that conversation was that she would still like to be friends "one day" but that right now thats not possible, and right now she does not see any chance of us being together again, but that she doesn't really think of me as a loser. I guess she was just angry at being woken up at 2am by some nasty drunk message. I would be.

 

I sent her yet another text, later that day, apologising for the night before and that now I really would leave her to it.

 

And I have now. It's only been a week and a half granted, but I feel a lot better already. Not contacting her has got rid of any hopes that I was harbouring. I acted like an idiot for weeks, and I'm sure as hell that that wasn't very attractive to her. I wish I had of left it as when we first split up, I feel that she must have lost a lot of respect for me.

 

Maybe she'll get it back now I'm giving her a chance to miss me, maybe not. But I regret every text, and especially my stupidity of that night.

 

Bottom line is nothing we can say or do will magically make them miss us and want us back, the only way that will happen is if they miss you on their own terms.

 

I lost sight of the fact that I'm sure, despite everything, she's not going to forget me no matter what, we shared a lot in our time together. MAybe one day she will wake up and think maybe things could work out, but I'm not focussing on that. I'm focussing on me. I really feel that in not contacting her anymore, is the only way she will respect me, think of me as another person, the person she loved, not just a snivelling ex-boyfriend and maybe, just maybe, miss me.

 

If not, there's more to life than just one girl. It took me a while to see that, but it is true. Keep strong. Let her come to you.

[papalazarou]

Ham. Great post ^^^^^^^^

[Jupiter]

Im just having a really hard time today.

We were so close to getting back together,

Im the one who pressured her and ran her off.

I just wish i could do something.

I still love her, she asks my friends how im doing and stuff.

Im just trippin out i guess.

I feel like we are both to scared to call each other or something.

I want to see her.

[in_love]

Jupiter...

 

...I dunno I've done some wild things lately... I mean man, WAY beyond self-control. I cant even remember a couple nights I had out, total blank! Apparently I took out my frustrations on a friends EX (the irony of it) have you ever! Shes actually a nice girl too I was (apparently, so my friend tells me) lying in the back seat of a cab giving off about the world, I took lots of temazepam that night (got them to help me sleep) and mixed with lots of booze I was in self destruct mode... I really cant remember the end of the night! I got out a couple of miles from where I lived and woke up in bed (god only knows how I actually navigated to my home, I woke up with half of a take away on my jeans and shoes).

 

The last night of my binge I woke up in bed with a girl, sober and feeling like utter s**t. Thats the last I have touched booze and now that my 2 week supply of temazepam are gone I can now focus on no self destruction and more on building myself a new life.

 

I have college and I work kinda part time in Web Development, I play guitar but have only started really practicing lately, I've also started back in Muay Thai with a possible fight coming up in Feb... I am fully occupied now... that week binge didnt do a thing for me other than smother out the feelings I was feeling, they were still there just had to be sober to feel em.

 

I think I am gonna move on now... I hate this wating around stuff. ](*,)

 

I personally think that this NC thing is probably the best course of action. Every time I talk to her it's like great! a little while after I am sitting there thinking "hmmm... ok, so what happened there" and then left feeling just as bad as I was feeling before chatting to her.

[papalazarou]

Im just having a really hard time today.

We were so close to getting back together,

Im the one who pressured her and ran her off.

I just wish i could do something.

 

You can. Its called NC. You said it yourself you pressurised her....

 

 

I feel like we are both to scared to call each other or something.

 

Trust me. She will make contact if you leave her alone for awhile!

[Jupiter]

Oh , ?> you really think she will call me ? papa

I really miss her , I really think if we started talking again

I could win her back over time.

Her thanksgiving break is coming up next week.

I shouldnt call her then??

[papalazarou]

Oh , ?> you really think she will call me ? papa

 

I do but only if you let her. However it may not be for a little while.

 

 

Her thanksgiving break is coming up next week.

I shouldnt call her then??

 

No let her call you. If she doesnt then she is not ready to call you. But she will at some point trust me. Stick to your month that you said that you would of NC.

 

At the moment I dont think you are strong enough to deal with a call from her as you may pressure her again into seeing you and sorting things out when it needs to be light conversation....

 

Make sure you have a "plan b" for thanksgiving though so if she does not call then at least you will be doing something.

[Jupiter]

I know this is an impossible question to answer.

Im wondering how long it will take for her to call me.

I mean , She asked if she could still call me whaen we broke up.

I told her "you can call me if you have something to say that i want to hear"

I regret saying that. I feel like i put unfair limits on our communication.

2 weeks after th break i wrote her a letter , I wanted her to know

That i loved her for real , I love her so much that I want waht she wants

I can be whatever she wants me to be for her, a friend , lover whatever.

I also told her I was sorry for pressuring her ,and I wasnt calling her be

couse i didnt think she wanted to talk to me , but for her to feel free

to call me if she ever wanted to talk about anything.

I did this mainly becuase a friend told me it might be the best thing to do.

What do you guys think ? did i make it worse ?

Its been 2 weeks since i sent the letter, and a month since our breakup.

No calls from her, However she asks my friends how im doing,

Im just gettin impatient, and Im still so in love with her.

[in_love]

Jupiter, I think you gotta try to move on. Not necessarily with other girls. Try not to worry too much on what if's etc. drive ya insane! and dont do anything stupid which may make you feel worse afterwards.

 

Just give time.

 

That letter, I dunno. Someone else can answer.

[papalazarou]

As far as the letter is concerned...I dont think it made things worse. You apologised for what happened, told her she can call you whenever and furthermore she knows YOU love her.

 

BUT she may be considering your feelings? She knows that maybe if she made contact with you then you may break down again and Im sure she does not want to hear it or be responsible for it.

 

She is probably giving you some space as well, she is still asking your friends, but what she needs to hear from them is that XXX is doing ok. He still misses you of course but he has signed up to do XXXX or he is doing XXXX...

 

By xxxx I mean a hobby or something.

 

Maybe she is hearing from your friends he is in a right old mess? Its not going to make her want to contact you as that will make her feel guilty?

 

Just a thought.

[Jupiter]

OMG she just called me ,

Just to say hi, and catch up on stuff

I made small talk , laughed , joked , and acted like i was care free.

I did ask her if she got my letter 2 weeks ago.

She said yes , and she took it as i was still willing to keep

in contact with her. , I said " I meant everything I said in that letter."

then quicly changed the subjuct to my new Mp3 player i just got.

A couple sentences later she said , "well i guess im just going to take it

one day at a time and see how it goes."

I asked, " huh ? what are you talking about?"

She said " I dont know , I miss your family too ,I would like to come visit

your sister, but i gues i wont right now".

I wrapped the conversation up cheerfully , told her happy Thanksgiving

and that i woulld miss her moms cooking and that i had to go to

town to take care of some business. I Told her to tell everyone Hi,

She said ," ok , I guess ill talk to you later,

 

Yikes , it made my throat lock up talking to her,

How did I do ?

Probably doesnt mean much , but i havent spoken to her in a month.

[in_love]

"well i guess im just going to take it

one day at a time and see how it goes."

I asked, " huh ? what are you talking about?"

She said " I dont know , I miss your family too ,I would like to come visit

your sister, but i gues i wont right now".

 

sounds good. Just take it easy man and dont let it bother you. I chatted to the ex the other night and its made me feel crazy!

[dreamguy]

You did great.

No pressure... no talking about feelings and you tactfully ended the conversation first.

Now you need to keep in mind she might be just testing the waters... or she might be having second thoughts about getting back with you.

Whichever it is... time will reveal it. So you need to let time do its work.

Just don't make the mistake of asking her "what are we now?" or "why are you calling?" ... etc... you know the sutff that forces her to give you a serious answer.

Keep light contact and just be upbeat.

Cheers !

[in_love]

dreamguy - on MSN?

[Jupiter]

Hi all,

Its been a while since i added to my post,

Havent heard from the ex since the "Thankgiving Phone call"

My birthday is in 2 days , I wonder if she will call me then ?

I dunno , I still miss her but , I dont feel like i need her any

more. Although i do still love her. I wish i could "get her back"

but , Im tired of trying , the ball is in her court.

And thats where it belongs.

you guys think i should call her?

She did call me last, so is it my turn ?

[papalazarou]

DEFINITELY NOT. Especially as its near your birthday. She will think you are ringing up for something that she may not be able to give - reconciliation.

 

Wait for her to contact you. ALWAYS.

[SuperDave71]

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY JUPITER!!!!

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Jupiter]

well , i got no call from the ex on or about my birthday.

I know it shouldnt , but it hurt ,

left me feeling lonely

I tried to have a birthday party , and no one could come ,

lol what a great brithday i had

[Jupiter]

well she called me this morning , shes back from school i guess.

Christmas Break

I feel dumb, her call cought me off guard. I saw the name on the caller ID.

I didnt pick up the phone,

Im not prepared , what should I do ?

Call her back ? or wait for her to call again?

OMG im sooooo still in love with her

[dreamguy]

If reconciliation is what you are seeking then I would at least text her to say: "Sorry I couldn't pick up when you called. Hope everything is ok."

And leave it at that.

You will just be letting her know that you're not being rude and the door is still open if she wants to call again. But you won't be running after her by calling her and taking a risk in case she doesn't answer.

 

If you do send that text message... you'd better pick up next time she calls or else it's going to sound like a game

 

One last thing, be careful as she might only be testing the waters.

If you do talk to her on the phone do NOT bring up the subject of a reconciliation and do not talk to her about ANY of your feelings. Just be cool and try to guess (from her words and behavior) what she is calling for.

[papalazarou]

I agree with Dreamguy...DONT get your hopes up but by all means be polite and text her back like Dreamguy said....

 

If you are after a reconciliation well she may be holding out an olive branch.

[Jupiter]

Well she called me again, to tell me happy 10 day late birthday

, and early Merry Christmas. I talked to her for about 30 mins or

so. it had its ups and downs, I tried playfully flirting with her.

She giggled a bit , later that night i called her cell and left a message

acting like a telemarketer, telling her she had just won a free back rub.

corny i know , but it was impulse. She called me back that night laughing.

She told me i almoast had her fooled at first.

during the laugh i asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime, she said

"sure we could hang out a while for old times sake" I said

"Im not interested in old times sake, Im thinking about the new times sake"

then I said so , are you gonna come and claim your prize?(the back rub)?

offer void where prohibited, not available and all areas, you must show up

in person to claim your prize ect..... I had a bunch of those.

She laughed again and siad "theat could be dangerous"

I said , " Ive been living dangerously here lately"

She said , "well sometimes a little danger is good i guess"

" I said oh well i tried,"

She said " it was a good try too"

so as it stands , maybe we will hang out , I dunno

What do you guys think , did I screw up ?

and what do i do next?

[sandyv]

No Jupiter, you did NOT screw up, but you are doing what I've been doing, LIVING IN THE PAST, she is holding onto you, can't you see, I know its painful, I've been doing the same thing...... and OMG do i miss him....

 

Its gotta be no, when she calls you, it's gotta to be "me again", or NOT.... nothing else sweetie, maybe she wants that, maybe she doesn't, but you can't go on torturing yourself, I can tell your a nice, sweet person, take care of YOU right now, thats all..

 

 

love

 

Sandyv

[dreamguy]

I feel you Jupiter.

My ex is torturing me like hell right now and I cannot seem to be able to break out from this !

 

If you want to read more details: