NC in place.. Why do I feel worse?

[Vynde]

Some of you know my story.. and for those who dont, just a quick recap.

 

My wife of only one year, but whom I have been with for 5 left me 3 weeks ago, pretty much saying that she no longer had feelings for me anymore.. I think she met another guy ( unconfimed ).

 

Anyway, its been 12 days of NC.. I dotn have the problem of her trying to contact me, because she doesnt. Not at all. Which really hurts. Its hard to imagine that after all we went though that she doesnt even TRY to call.

 

I have not made any attempt to call her.. As hard as it has been everyday..

 

I cant stop thinking about her.. I dont know what to do, I think about what shes doing, if she thinks of me at all.. and worst, who she is with.......

 

Why is 12 days of NC killing me, I feel like Im getting worse and worse! I thougth it was gonna make me better..

 

Even after how cold she was to me during the break-up, and the things she said, how hurtful they were - WHY DO I STILL LOVE HER, AND MISS HER.. Im I going crzy!?

 

Has anyone gone though this... Is this not normal?

 

John

[richard29]

hi,

It must be so hard for you...... best i've done is 16 days and i broke NC. Guess what... it made me feel worse. You get your hopes up and then you just get some more pain. I got " just leave me alone it over" how nice was that. Must be great to have that power.

If she is with someone else then she's all loved up and that stops her thinking about you. Give it more time she will wonder what your doing.

All i can say is my married broke up 6 years ago and got over her in about 3 months... i change my number and totally cut her off. Guess what after about 6 months she was on the door step. By that time i didn't care.

The fact is she loved it and i had the power to say yes or no.

I can't say the same for the now ex g/f as that's hit me for six and i'm really down but i will get past it. You can 2. Can i ask you a question!!! do you think you are the same person she fell in love with? I know i'm not... i know this because i would not of begged and pleaded for her 2 years ago.

Stay stronge mate we are all here for you..

[kath123]

hi vynde, ive been wondering how youve been doing.

ive read all your posts and realise we are in the same position although i actually know my ex is seeing someone else,but im sure that doesnt make things any easier.

You have done so well n/c it would be a real shame to break it now! you are most probably having one of those really bad days, and you know by now they are not all so bad. You may feel completely different tomorrow and will be so glad you didnt cave in.

I know how you feel because today im right there with you.I want him to know how sad i am without him and cant stop wondering how he feels about it all. Is he waiting for me to contact him because he feels to guilty to contact me? the answer i suspect is that he hasnt contacted me because he doesnt want to!! and that hurts more than anything.

Stay strong vynde you havent done anything to hurt your ex so why should you be the one to make any first moves.

"Whatever will be will be, the futures not ours to see."

Also you are are bound to miss what you had together because for you it was a stable loving relationship, you didnt know she didnt feel the same until you were hit with this bombshell. I find when i can focus on the bad areas, even if you think there werent very many im sure you can find some.Maybe just the way she ended it would be enough, then you will get strong again.

Everyone who posts to me tell me that i must stop torturing myself over what hes doing or thinking and simply think of myself,and while this is so hard, i know its not impossible.

As you told me recently WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS!!

[CoolBambi]

Some "Dumpers" try and be as cold as possible when they are splitting up with you thinking it will be easier for you in the long run as you will hate them - rather than long for them.

After such a long time together it was a very sh1tty thing of her to do.

 

I have found through life experiences that when a "Dumper" has found somebody else they rarely make contact - as they have someone else to occupy their lonely nights.

However - these relationships rarely last as the Dumper is running away from unaddressed issues.

One day she may well come grovelling back - i hope you tell her where to go.

You deserve somebody who will put the love, effort, loyalty and kindness into the relationship that you do.

And one day you will find true love again - you will meet the kind of woman that makes you so excited you cant eat, makes you beam with pride and long to walk her down the aisle.

Keep your chin up...and look after number one.

 

Bams x

[Jordan5571]

Best, true, and honest post CoolBambi.

[Vynde]

bams,

 

Thank you, I sent you an e-mail. Your words made me for a moment feel so much better..

[Captain34]

Vynde, as long as those 12 days have been, it isnt long enough. Give it enough time so that you feel better about the situation. You will be pleasantly surprised that after extended NC how much authority and upper hand you have regained in your relationship with your ex. good luck

[Deserted1]

Vynde

 

Im sorry you are feeling this way. Trust me, keep with the NC. It will be worth it in the long run, you will see and FEEL this in time. After my break up I went NC for 6 weeks and was feeling better. I read a lot of posts of how I would feel if I broke NC. I had to learn the hard way. I broke it, and it DID set me back and made me feel worse than when I had started NC. After that incident I am over 2 months NC now. I feel so much stronger and healthier now that I have kept it going. Hang in there! I know people tell you the Cliche phrases of how "it will get better", but it's true it does. Take Care. Keep reading and posting here! Keep healing!

[ForAnother]

NC is longer than people think. I don't even like the NC idea...

 

what I consider not contacting is, Learn to LIVE your life. DO it with your OWN thoughts and OWN desires. Contacting that person is going to set you back because you are depending on someone who isn't willing to be there for you.

 

Learn your life single, remember you are "starting over". Remember when you started dating, your schedule changed for nights... you would skip that awesome party ur buddy invited you to, you didn't stay at home and study... you make risks... now you have to go back to the unrisky/boring stuff. Thats probably why it hurts. The fun is gone, and now you have to change under circumstances that suck. Good luck with the NC. I hate it too but its best.

 

-ForAnother

[laboheme]

Learn your life single, remember you are "starting over". Remember when you started dating, your schedule changed for nights... you would skip that awesome party ur buddy invited you to, you didn't stay at home and study... you make risks... now you have to go back to the unrisky/boring stuff. Thats probably why it hurts. The fun is gone, and now you have to change under circumstances that suck. Good luck with the NC. I hate it too but its best.

 

Interesting analysis...and I suppose you could also look at it the other way, too...A relationship can become safe and unrisky...and once you lose the safety blanket and have to go back to The World, it hurts...

 

It's probably a combination of both those feelings...

[CoolBambi]

I don't think being single is joyless and boring.

 

I think it is liberating, unpredictable, fun and self empowering.

 

Being part of a couple is fantastic - but if youre with the wrong person (particularly one that treats you so poorly) - you need to be on your own until the right person comes along.

 

The simple fact is - If they have dumped you, they don't care about you like they should - and in many cases care about nothing but themselves.

 

I say "Good Riddance to bad rubbish". You are worth much more than that.

 

Bam x

[sandyv]

You are right on the money there coolbambi!

[Vynde]

Bams

 

your my rock in an open ocean