Batya33 Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I stay in touch with two exes I went out with long term and with several men I casually dated. At this time, it has nothing to do with ever getting back together. I am currently involved with an ex - we stayed in touch for the 8 years we were apart, sporadically by email (and not "personal" emails other than catching each other up on family and friends we knew in common), one in person dinner a few years ago, one quick phone call before meeting again in summer 2005 - and to our huge surprise there were sparks and we started dating again. Neither of us had any intention of meeting to see if we should get back together - it was an innocent catch up dinner for two people who had only seen each other once in the past 8 years. So, I guess you never know. Link to comment
CamGuy Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 it doesn't matter who finds somebody new first. a real man lets go with his heart when it's time to, and he keeps away from those proverbial sour grapes on which the pettier among us can't help but suck. forgiveness is NEVER the wrong choice. knowing this is one of the things separating the true men from the boys with facial hair growth. Again, this is complete speculation, and you are implying and assuming every relationship ended as yours did. Not all relationships end peacefully. Some end in violence. Some end in lies. Sometimes, there is nothing to salvage. This isnt about who FINDS someone NEW first. It is about learning from your failed relationship, and moving forward. Why did it fail? What went wrong? And what things did you learn about yourself? Once your emtions have run dry,and you feel contene with who you are, and you are happy. I see no reason why you cant be civil and friendly with your ex. But it some circumstances, there may be nothing to salvage. It doesn't mean YOU ARENT A MAN. A Real man looks at all angles, and betters himself, FOR HIMSELF, and doesnt pander to the requests of others. Link to comment
Dako Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Camguy, You wrote this early on: Be friends all you want, but if you are still single.....continuing to TALK TO THEM, and BE FRIENDS, does not make you a BIG BOY. It makes you a wuss! A completely, helpless, wuss. . I think you found the reaction you wanted with the name calling. Be happy. Link to comment
CamGuy Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 Camguy, You wrote this early on: I think you found the reaction you wanted with the name calling. Be happy. I speak the truth my friend. Some people can't handle the truth. Link to comment
keefy1972 Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 What makes a "REAL MAN" is having the stones to do whatever makes them happy. If it's to remain friends or not is totally non-defining. If he can do either, and keep a smile on his face, he's doing the manly thing. Link to comment
dogheadma Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 It's all a matter of the context of the breakup. If you are leaving because the person was abusive or hurtful to you, then there really is no need to speak to them again and you owe it to yourself to remove them from your life and not ever look back. Nobody deserves abuse. Ever. The only way to detoxify yourself from such an experience is to cut them out completely. It's the mature, self-respecting thing to do. If on the other hand your relationship was loving but has reached it's end and you still hold each other in some regard then why not stay friends? The more the merrier. Having true friends only serves to enrich one's life and makes you a fortunate person, indeed. It certainly can't hurt. Link to comment
krnswte143 Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 i am friends with most of all my exes but i do not hang out with them.. its just the way i am... our relationship never lasted long so i dont really have the closenesss of hanging out. we talk sometimes and thats it.. on a different note, my bf is still in contact w/ his ex and roomates with her and other people... does this make him not over her? or does he see her as a sister like friend? can someone answer that? Link to comment
Juliana Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I don't know about him, but yeah, I have one that's like a brother. I do love him, just not in "that way." Link to comment
krnswte143 Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I don't know about him, but yeah, I have one that's like a brother. I do love him, just not in "that way." my bf has told me that he sees her as a sister... and vice-versa... she sees him as a big brother... can this really be real? Link to comment
dogheadma Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 my bf has told me that he sees her as a sister... and vice-versa... she sees him as a big brother... can this really be real? Absolutely. Sometimes it can. Link to comment
krnswte143 Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 interesting thing.. cool why do people stay friends w/ their exes? dont feelings come back if u see each other almost everyday? memories dont die.... its always there remaining in our head... and if u have a gf/bf and ex is always in the picture.. wouldnt this cause more trouble in your relationship? i guess im one of the people who dont become friends w/ an ex.. cus they are exes for a reason u broke up for a reason too.. why do u need to be friends w/ them? i just dont understand. from my personal experience with my bf and his ex... i see things differently than him or her.. they think its ok to be friends or sis/bro like... and its ok for them to be there for each other... but i see it different.. i see as if theyre still bf/gf.. i guess jus by their past i assume that way.. do u stay friends w/ exes so maybe if u are single u'll get back with them to try again? or u are friends w/ them cus u broke up and u havent let go of them ... i wish i could see it like how he sees it..but thats jus the difference between him and i ....i guess. Link to comment
savigota Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 I am good friends with 2 of my exs, to the point that I have even gone out partying with them and our respective partners. I think that if they we're involved in my life for such a long time and I loved thenm so much is because they trully are magnificent human beings, it;s just that we weren't meant to be together in the long run. As for my other ex, he doesn't even deserve that I spit the ground he walks on, he hurt me so much and was so disloyal in so many ways that I believe that he doesn't even deserve that I even think about him. Thank God i'm over all that and I moved on. But at the time it was really hard to understand how a person could be so two-faced after being with you for so long. conclution: I they haven't harmed you in any way then maintain a healthy friendship... if not well just forget they ever existed! Link to comment
dogheadma Posted October 17, 2006 Share Posted October 17, 2006 If you've moved on to a new relationship then your ex should no longer be in the picture, especially if your current girl/boyfriend has expressed having a problem with it. It's more like if they were in some sort of trouble and they had nowhere else to turn they could call you and vice versa. Or if they were throwing a party they could send an invite to you and your current SO. Or if they were getting married they would invite you and your SO to be there. Or if they were having a baby they would inform you of their good news. Or if they were buying a house they would invite you over for dinner. Or they would send you a card for your birthday or christmas. Stuff like that. Just because the relationship didn't work out dosen't mean you can't still care for each other, you can; just in a different way. Link to comment
S.Ken Posted October 18, 2006 Share Posted October 18, 2006 I tried remaining friends with one of my exes, but I found out just how uninteresting and petty the girl really is. All she does is whine about and degrade her husband and tells everyone his personal business. This made me lose any kind of respect for her (not to mention trust) and I haven't bothered talking to her for over a year. Link to comment
brando Posted October 19, 2006 Share Posted October 19, 2006 I speak the truth my friend. Some people can't handle the truth. reading this is funy. Cam guy it is only truth to you. Please remember that. Link to comment
DaDancingPsych Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Many of my ex's are still friends. My most recent ex is my best friend. No, I won't be getting back together with any of them; I'm very happy in my current relationship. I just don't see being hurtful to someone just because you determine that the two of you don't work as a romantic couple. In most cases, if you give each other enough time to heal and move on; you can reestablish that friendship that you had previously. It's not easy, but it can be done. It does take two mature individuals willing to work through some of the bumps. But I know that not everyone can do this; you have to work at it! Link to comment
jengh Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 In most relationships, there comes a point where the 2 people are no longer compatible romantically. More often than not, they go their separate ways. But every now and then, the two will find that they can never be romantically involved again, but great friends. Some people just get along better as friends and nothing more. People just change. As for my exes, I'm still friends with most of them. One, a life-long friend, I dated briefly, but he lived in NJ and I in MI so it never could have worked. My "first love" is no longer in my life and hasn't been in years. I wouldn't want it any other way. My longest relationship, 4 years...we evolved into something better. Great friends. And, as far as I can see, will remain close friends for years but never again be intimate. Link to comment
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