should I transfer to another school?

[life_of_ai]

Basically, I moved 1100 miles so we could go to school together. At the end of the spring 06 semester, she broke up with me after 3.5 years and got with her new b/f 2 weeks later officially. I"m sure she was just waiting to break up with me and be with him.

 

We were best friends also, but that is not going good. I know things are different now and will never be the same. We said we're best friends when we did see eachother about a month ago, but it doesn't seem that way. I don't know if she was even telling the truth... besides who would say they are not best friends.

 

I do still love her and miss her, she was my first everything. I want her in my life, and I know she wants me in hers, but its just still too painful for me. Its been over 6 months since she broke up with me. She joined a sorority now and hes in a frat, and that takes up all her time. She use to call me, but she doesn't no more. Even though I didn't answer most of the time cuz of NC, I still liked that she called. I guess it gave me hope, which I probably shouldn't be doing.

 

Heres the situation. Everyday, I hope I don't run into her. Everytime I have, I've felt bad for some reason, seeing who she is with, or when I do talk to her, one of her new friends sees her and she talks to him and ignores me. I'm living everyday to avoid her, when I go eat, I hope shes not there with her b/f eating. (Its happened once, she said she'd call me to hang out, she never did).

 

I'm writing this because as I walked home from class, I saw her kiss him goodbye. I didn't mean to see this, I didn't even know it was her until I looked. Its really hard to see that because I loved her alot (still do), and I have sacrificed soo much for her.

 

I'm thinking about transfering and going back home... should I?

[BellaDonna]

I think if you feel lonely and want to surround yourself with more comfortable, familiar surroundings, moving back home might be a good idea.

 

If you want to transfer to another college back home, be sure to take note of their deadlines. Most colleges have a November deadline for students transferring in January. Some only accept transfer for the Fall, etc.

 

Look into the deadlines and policies, and try to avoid missing a semester if you can help it because it would set you back.

 

BellaDonna

[RescueDiver]

Ouch! I have had this happen to a really good friend of mine and it sucks. First off how much school do you have left? I guess what it comes down to is if you think that this situation is going to create a major distraction for you and hurt your school work... it might be a good idea to transfer back. On the other hand, who knows, you may make it to the end of this semester and things might be going better. You may meet new friends (even a new girlfriend). There's a lot of stuff in play here... transferrability of credits, cost, quality of the schools, etc... you're going to have to weigh all of that in order to make your decision.

[life_of_ai]

Well, right now I'm paying out-of-state tuition... so going back home will def save money. I'm currently in my 3rd year of school and I'll graduate after my 4th year (unlike most people at my school). But I'm sure I'll at least finish this semester and the spring semester, and then possibly transfer in order to start at the new school in the fall.

[RescueDiver]

How will transferring affect your credits and so forth? Going back may be less expensive... unless you have to go for a 5th year at your home school. Are you hitting the deadlines for when you need to get stuff rolling to transfer or do you have some time yet? Basically I think if you give yourself some time I think things will probably be better by the end of spring semester. I was afraid you'd just started school this year or last... and then she dumped you.

[life_of_ai]

Well this will show how much I sacrificed for her...

 

I'm not proud of all of it. Sometimes I wish I could go back and do some things different, but I don't regret any of it.

 

Our relationship is really unique. I could go into the details if you want, but I'll see if you want to hear it because I'm 100% sure you won't hear anyone else with our specific situation.

 

She is a year younger.

 

But my first year of college, I tended to say in my room and talk on the phone with her alot. When I met with another girl, she would get really mad at me. So basically, I didn't make alot of friends.

 

During the summer, she had to start college during the summer. I went back home. When she did start, I guess I thought it would be like when I was in school, but instead she made new friends and didn't want to talk to me on the phone. She broke up with me.

 

Once the fall started (my 2nd year), we were finally at the same school. We got back together 3 weeks into the semester. She apologized to me and said she made a mistake.

 

During the spring, she started to change. She was saying she didn't wanna get serious, which I didn't want yet. She was the one saying the next ring will be an engagement right and stuff. Well she broke up with me, I knew there was someone else, they would hang out alot doing h/w. 2 weeks later, she got with him. He is in a frat, so now she joined a sorority. Because of her, I was left with pretty much no friends, and I'm trying to change that.

 

I'm a really good guy, I deserve a better person, but it seems like she is "winning". I hope that one day, I'll get what I deserve. I hope that one day things will get to her, but nothing bad. I guess I just want her to tell me I was a good person. I never cheated or hit her. She said I was the type of guy she would look for when she wanted to settle down with someone, just makes me so confused.

[RescueDiver]

You are a good person. There, I said it... she doesn't need to. Anyway, I wouldn't worry... she may well get hers yet. Who knows, this guy may make her change her whole life around and then may dump her. I hate to see people make college decisions based on relationships because I have seen so few (actually I don't think I can think of one) relationships survive the transition from high school to college. Continue to make friends and see how things go. Maybe there's someone in one of your classes right now who's caught your eye?

 

The way my friend's situation went is she met this guy not too terribly long after she and I broke up (yes we were formerly bf/gf but that's a different story). Anyway, he was a little older than she was and ended up getting a job in the Chicago area. Well, she transferred schools to be with him, leaving all of her friends, family, job, etc... behind. Well, a year later he dumps her. She's still down there though and has since dated other people, she doesn't like the area though and would much rather be back home but doesn't want to set herself back school-wise.

[life_of_ai]

Thanks for the reply. You have no idea how much that first sentence you wrote helped me. Honestly, when I knew our relationship was over, I started to think that I was meant to be with her to bring me down here, and then I'd find someone down here. Who knows, time will tell.

 

And when I do think about it, shes not really 100% for me. She treated me bad, cheated on me, yelled at me, things that I do not want. Her parents drink alot, or at least one of them still does. They also smoke. Before we got together, she got into trouble alot, fought with her parents. I made her a better person, and no one can take that away from me. In fact, the sorority she joined is the same as her mom. Her mom started drinking in college and how drinks too much. My ex always told me to not let her start to smoke or drink, and now shes taking the same steps her mom took. I've told her not to drink and watch what she does, but this was after we broke up, and I've realized that I should just stop telling her that.

 

I honestly hope that 20 years from now, she looks at her life and sees that its like her moms. And that she'll look back and realize that breaking up with me was the turning point in my life. I hate to think that, cuz i want the best for her, and I do still love her. But I still don't think we should have broken up. I did nothing wrong, I guess we were together for too long and she was scared cuz of that. But to solve it, she gets with someone else 2 weeks later?

 

Im just going to stop now...

[Clementyne]

First of all, you don't have to stop, you can go for as long as you want.

 

Second, you are a good person and you know it. So, you don't have to hear it from a person who has brought you nothing but heartache.

 

Third, I believe that you don't have to transfer to another college since you already said that you need to stay there for at least two more semesters. I think two more semesters will give you time enough to heal, move one and maybe find someone new.

 

An important point I want to make is that you should try to allow your life to adapt to the changes the breakup has brought along and not adapt your life to the reality of your breakup.

 

College life is all about meeting new people and learning from those around you. I'm sure once you start moving on, you'll meet someone special who loves and respects you and most importantly, acknowledges that you are a good person.

[RescueDiver]

From the sounds of it she is not a very nice person at all and in the long run you'll be better off without her. Sometimes you can do everything right and still get dumped which is one more thing that points to her guilt. Besides... who knows, like you said, maybe you were just brought down there to meet someone else.

[life_of_ai]

thanks for the replies