Help

[DeLarooo]

I met "t" my freshman year of college and we started dating not long after. We dated for close to two years. He started out sensitive, sweet and semi-conisderate. As the relationship progressed, he started to show his true colors. He has a terrible irish temper. I am personally very laid back and try not to dawn on the past. I found him to be yelling at me a lot for things I tried to be honest to him about about my other relationships. For instance, I had a really good friend in high school that I slept with one night. We remained friends after the incident, and although we never dated, we just took it as something we both did consentionally and not a huge deal. This happened like a year before I even met "t". I was only telling him to come clean about my past as our relationship progressed. He then yelled at me and said I was inappropriate and that he could not believe I just "slept" with a friend. I personally am not too proud about the circumstances it happened either, but prided myself on the face that we were still friends and we didn't let it ruin our friendship. "t" also had big issues with jeoulosy, once breaking his hand in two places by punching a kid much smaller then himself, for trying to dance with me at a party. I thought it was a little too much then. We would go out and try to have a good time, and being in college, this usually meant drinking. We would drink and he would be all fine with me and put on a false front in front of everyone about me, then we would leave and he would pick at me about everything he thought I said or did wrong at a party. Things such as trying to help him tell one of his stories, or giving certain people hugs, or not standing by his side, or standing by him too much. He would just say how bad I was over and over and no matter how I tried to stick up for myself it just made things worse until I was trying to get away from him, crying my eyes out. He usually wouldn't let me leave, semi-forcibly. Now looking back at it, I wish I would have never dated him.

 

The main breaking point, not that I wasn't already close to breaking up with him, was this last may. My mother died unexpectedly, and tylers actions about this blew my mind. He was inconsiderate. I believe every human should have some decency when it comes to death and at least partially understand what a person might be going through. His reaction was that I should just be over it immedietly. In my family we are all close and never were allowed to really fight or show any disrespect toward my parents which is a tottally different situation from his family. If I had ever spoken to my mother the way he spoke to his almost constantly, I would have been kicked out of the family. Three days after her death, he came to my home for the funeral. He didn't speak to me of it, and that night complained that I wouldn't have sex with him. He continously asked what was wrong, what my problem was for weeks. He was upset I was unable to come back to the apartment we had decided to share in our college town, because I was the eldest girl and felt I should stay with my father and help out around the house and such. I just felt better being at home with all my mothers things and my family. He came down a few times and I felt incredibly uncomfortable around him. I felt this was due to his overall behavior and simple lack of understanding and apathy for my situation. He said it was all about me, and that I didn't care about anyone but myself.

 

While at home ( i live approx. 150 miles from my college ) I began to hang out with some of my old friends from high school. They were all very supportive, always calling me to hang out, or if I had a bad day they would drop everything to cheer me up or even talk. I just felt better around them. It might have helped a lot of them knew my family personally. That was something tyler never had. One of them in particular had always been pretty close to me. "L" and I had a fling, nothing but a mild little we are 16 years old and we are gonna make-out thing going on back in the preious years. i started to be really close with him, we would go fishing together, hang out together, go to the bars together. Deep down I think I knew he liked me and I started to like him too. But I wasn't going to just cheat on tyler

 

After hanging out with them for so long, and t now calling me like 5x a day to pretty much keep total dibs on me, I finally told "t" I wanted to separate. After a huge gigantic fight over the phone, he started to accuse me of just leaving him. He wanted reasons, and when I gave them to him, he would just tell me all my faults back.

 

Shortly after I told L of the seperation, L and I became a close couple. He is the nicest boy. Sometimes when I get so happy about little things he does he asks if anyone had ever done anything like that before, and I have to tell him no, and he thinks its total bull. I never realized such nice boys exsisted.

 

I am so grateful and much more happy now that I am seeing him. T and I still had to share the apartment because of a lease. He told me he was going to move out, and find things wrong constantly with me. He has had many girls overnight on occasion, which makes me uncomfortable. Now this weekend L is coming up and t says he is going to kick his * * * and that its very inconsiderate of me. I am stuck in a situation. L is coming up, but T won't leave and honestly is throwing me into a depression. I ask T to leave me alone to no avail.He refuses and continues to emotionaly upset me. i dread any time spent here. I even tried to make a deal and said I will find on place to stay one night and you can stay somewhere else the other night if you are going to be uncomfortable with him here. I pay half the rent and believe if he is able to have girls over I should be able to have guys over.

 

I am stuck in the middle of the worst situation ever. T has always been so emotionally wrecking. He has come close to physical abuse and left mild bruises and pushed me. I want him gone but feel I can do nothing to make him leave due to the lease. I want to leave but he says he will not pay the rent and I will be stuck. help.

[RescueDiver]

Leaving bruises and pushing is physical abuse (not coming close to)... actually he has assaulted you and you could press charges against him for that. You could talk to your landlord and see if you could get him evicted, or maybe see if your landlord will let you out of your lease because of the situation (some landlords are more understanding than others). If "L" goes in and does start a fight, both of them are going to end up in jail so I would see if the two of you could go somewhere else. Yes, I know it's your apartment too, but in the interest of keeping "L" out of jail for now I would try to at least get out of your apartment for the time being. Is "T" officially on your lease?

[Juliana]

Your post demonstrates a pattern of escalating abuse that you seem to be blind to, perhaps because you are too close to it. You need to get this person out of your life, right now. Having arguments about who gets to have sleepovers is ridiculous when someone is threatening to beat you or your boyfriend up. Don't worry about "who wins." Do whatever is necessary to keep yourself and your boyfriend safe, and get this guy away from you.

[DeLarooo]

yes he is on my lease.. he just left a rather rude note tonight saying he will be gone by thursday and that I owe him money, which I have no problem with as long as he leaves. I am sure I can just go get his name taken off if I make a rent payment in advance for next month, wouldn't you think?

[007]

I think it's time for Tyler McO'Reilly to grow up...

 

I wouldn't even worry about your name on the lease or any of that BS. It's time to talk to your landlord, tell him about the abuse, and get the hell away from his drunken behind.

 

It's time you recognize that you're in danger being around this drunk, wannabe 1920's Irish boxer...He's a loser, and he's gonna just drag you down with him (the lease) and/or kill you in the process.