Back Together, But She Has The Upper Hand

[zrehman]

Hey folks,

 

I just recently got back together with my ex, we were apart for 5 weeks and just got back together 2 days ago. However, when we were not together, since I broke it off, I was the one who started to show interest again after a week, because I wanted us to be back together. I would call all the time and I would always want to see her. I would send her flowers almost everday and I would do anything she would ask. We talked 2 days ago for 3 hours and finally decided to try and work things out.

 

When we were together in the past, it was different, because I had the upper hand and she always wanted to see me and be with me. Now this time, its the other way, its me always wanting to see her and be with her. I mean I know she wants to see me, but she brings it up in a non chalante way like she does't really mind if we don't see each other. But I know that she knows that she has the upper hand at the moment.

 

How do I get the upper hand back or how do I get her to stop thinking she has the upper hand. I just want us to be equal where we both want to see each other and no games.

[patience]

I just want us to be equal where we both want to see each other and no games.

 

Tell her this. For a relationship to work, there has to be balance...and open, honest communication.

 

Just be upfront with her. Don't play games. There is no need to be manipulative. If you cannot be honest with her, why be with her?

[zrehman]

Tell her this. For a relationship to work, there has to be balance...and open, honest communication.

 

Just be upfront with her. Don't play games. There is no need to be manipulative. If you cannot be honest with her, why be with her?

 

Well I do want to tell her that. But I feel like right now, I hurt her alot when we broke it off, it was a long story about the break up and its not important. But when I did break up with her, I hurt her termendously. So I kinda do get a feeling that she is keeping her guard up slightly so she won't get hurt again like last time, which I understand and respect. So I don't want to just say anything just yet, I just want to give it a few weeks and hopefully I think she will let her guard down, what do you think?

[patience]

Have you told her that you know that you hurt her? Does she know how sorry you are?

 

Have you asked her if she is feeling cautious? You could come right out and say, "you seem to have your guard up, and I totally understand. Can we talk about this?" something like that

 

often times, guys are feeling and thinking so much more than they say...and their gfs don't realize how much they really care

 

ask her what she needs from you at this time to feel more secure...ask her if there is anything you can do to show her that you want to be with her

 

just talk to her the way you are talking here...she needs to know what is going on inside of you (within reason)

 

often times people are afraid to simply open up, but when they do, they wonder what took so long

[zrehman]

-- Well she knows how I feel about her, and yes she does know how sorry I am. I wrote a 4 page letter that took 3 days to write and I read it infront of her 2 days ago and thats when we talked and she decided to give me another chance. When we hang out, we don't have any hesitations, we are a lovey dubey couple, we act normal, hold hands, cuddle in bed, etc. But I guess I was just taken back, when she came over yesterday and got a phone call, and she was just like, "I'll call you back, I'm at my FRIENDS place". I was hoping she would say "BF". But its only been 2 days. And this morning when I was leaving, we were cuddling in bed, and I asked her for a hug and a kiss and she gave it to me and I was like, "I love you", and I was like, "Say it back to me babe" and she didn't say anything, but was like, "Tell me about your dream". Which I did. Than said, bye and give her a kiss on the lips.

 

But maybe I am expecting too much too soon. I should understand that I hurt her and she wants to probably just make sure that I am not going to break up with her again? right?

[patience]

ohhh...hmmm...

 

I'm not sure what is going on with her.

 

Has she ever been manipulative or coy in the past? Has she ever been a game player?

 

Maybe she is being cautious. I'm not sure. Maybe she is enjoying how much you want her? It's hard to say.

 

Do you know who called her? Are you sure she is not seeing anyone else?

[zrehman]

The only time she was manipulative was when I was trying to get her back and she "acted" like she didn't want me, but I could see right through it. I know for a fact, she is not a game player and I am 110% positive that she is not seeing anyone else. I have her keys to her apt, I sleep over there everynite, etc.. I am sure she is also happy by the fact that I am showing interest and finally showing her how much I love her, and she probably does enjoy the attention for once, cause its been 2 days now and before it was always her showing the interest and that we dated for 6 months. She even told her sister on the phone earlier, "Im at my friends place, let me call you back."

[patience]

okay...well, try to just chill a bit

 

it will take time to rebuild trust and faith in the relationship and the committment

 

...maybe she is enjoying you getting a taste of how it was for her? that is just human nature...nothing to worry about unless she starts to play with your feelings (you'll know, you'll 'feel' that something isn't right)

 

good luck!

[BrokenHeart82]

Ok so YOU broke up with HER....your feelings were allowed to change..you were allowed to leave her..probably very hurt and confused based on how much you both obviously love one another.

 

Its only been 2 days..but you fully expect her to completely forgive, forget, welcome you back with open arms but you know what? If she had been too eager...within a few days it would probably be YOU who was thinking about your decision again...I think you both need to calm down, chill out and give that trust a chance to build.

[zrehman]

Ok so YOU broke up with HER....your feelings were allowed to change..you were allowed to leave her..probably very hurt and confused based on how much you both obviously love one another.

 

Its only been 2 days..but you fully expect her to completely forgive, forget, welcome you back with open arms but you know what? If she had been too eager...within a few days it would probably be YOU who was thinking about your decision again...I think you both need to calm down, chill out and give that trust a chance to build.

 

So just give it time to grow?

[freelove]

Hey man,

 

I'm in the same position as you. 6 weeks apart and then decided to get back together, however, we are taking it slow, looking at it as more like dating again. It's kinda hard to take things slow like this, but it's probably for the best. I don't know though, i'm kinda anxious about the whole thing as I love her so much and I am not sure how things are gonna turn out...

[BrokenHeart82]

Guys...the most important thing is to remember something...this breakup happened for a reason.

Now you have both spoken with your ex's and decided to give it another go....so that "reason" could very well turn out to be that "reset" the relationship needed.

Give it time, be patient, be understanding.

 

For you K....you have to understand that she needs time to trust that you really want her back. She has to be given time and reason to believe you wont up and leave again now that youve shown you are capable of walking out of the relationship.

 

For Freelove...Your ex took her time, she needed her time...you did the right thing in awarding that to her and in exchange youve gotten that second chance. Now dont throw that away by trying to overanalyze or deathgrip the relationship.

 

For both of you...have FUN with your ex's...laugh, hug, kiss, cuddle, go to fun places, create NEW memories and soon you will find that this is your chance to start a new and better relationship.

[freelove]

BrokeHeart,

 

Thank you for such inspiring words! You're right. I did give her that time and look where I am now!

 

Just be cool, calm, relaxed.

 

It will be all good!