Convinced he cheated!

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys and Gals,

 

I'm very confused, my boyfriend of 9 months and i both went out last night to different night clubs in different towns with different friends. For some reason about midnight i became convinced he was cheating on me ( i was drinking but not drunk) I called him about 1.30am as i knew he'd still be up but he didn't answer. This morning i tried to call him again he didn't answer he txt later saying sorry he didn't answer he was at work and to call him about 6pm. So i did, when i spoke to him he was still busy at work, asked him if he had a nice time and he just said "had a few drinks, that was about it, sorry i'm busy gtg bye" I'm now convinced he cheated on me.

 

My question is, why the hell do i feel like this, i'm in a happy commited relationship, i trust him and he trusts me, we go out separately once every couple of weeks and i never minded before, he has never ever given me reason not to trust him. How come i'm so paranoid?? whats wrong with me? and also...do you think he did cheat?? If i ask him he's going to be upset that i don't trust him, so confused.

 

Sugar xxxxxx

[kaoticbaby]

dont freak out yet... there are other ways to tell if a guy has cheated other than a suspicious feeling. yeah, it's annoying that he didn't answer his cell when you called, but its hard to hear/feel a phone inside of a club. if he continues to act funny, than mention that you feel something is wrong between the two of you (dont go right out and say i think you cheated on me, because then he will just get defensive.) most importantly, i'd say wait until you see the way he acts in front of you in person before you judge whether or not you want to bring it up. if he acts differently (checking his phone every minute, acting different, tellin contradictory stories, etc) then that shows he might be hiding something. i hope everything turns out for the best

[DN]

Alcohol can do strange thing to the mind sometimes. Be very careful that you don't allow unfounded suspicion to corrode your relationship. How would you feel if he suddenly became your ex-boyfriend be cause he had done nothing wrong and resented your distrusting him?

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

I read your blog, and noticed that you have been cheated on before, and have cheated yourself as a consequence of that. I think you might be oversensitive for the signs, and start to overanalyse! I see nothing in your story that counts as some red flag for cheating-- when you're out the cell often has no reception and even if it has, i never hear it in a bar and miss all my calls.

 

Is this normal for him, to talk briefly when at work? I think it's normal for people to be a bit short on the phone when they are busy. I know I am, and so is my bf but it almost never happens that we call while we are at work.

 

I think you should just arrange to meet him. Sofar there are no signs, and if he really behaves any different, you will know I think.

 

Ilse

[Sugar-Rush]

Thanks for taking the time to read and reply guys, The thing is i have no reason to think he cheated, he is an amazing boyfriend and i trust him, we hardly ever speak on the phone whilst we're working so yes i'm sure he was just busy. I Just don't understand what suddenly happened to make me so paranoid, i don't want to lose him, why am i acting so stupidly??

[DN]

Has anyone ever cheated on you before or on someone close to you?

 

What is your relationship with your father like?

[Sugar-Rush]

My dad died 6 weeks ago, but until then he was my best friend he and my mum were happily married for 36 years, what does that have to do with it (No offence!)

I Have been cheated on before a long time ago, but i have never been the jealous/paranoid type before, i see myself as pretty laid back and trusting, sometimes too much so, that is why this is so out of charcter for me xx

[DN]

If your father had cheated on your mother or abandoned you as a child you could be projecting that onto your boyfriend.

 

I am so sorry your father died - but have you thought that the emotions that brought to you may have affected you more than you thought?

[Sugar-Rush]

I'm not sure, it hadn't really crossed my mind if i'm honest. I haven't dealt with my dads death yet, i haven't been really sad, we were just so close i still can't believe he's not coming back, everyone keeps telling me what i'm feeling is normal and that deneial is the first stage of grief, although i don't really feel anything about his passing yet, just empty xx

[DN]

Well that is normal - and it may well have something to do with what happened with your feelings about your boyfriend. Perhaps it would be wise to seek some counselling about dealing with your Dad's death.

 

One thing to think about: as long as you keep your Dad in your mind and in your heart and remember the things he taught you and pass on his love and wisdom to your own children - he will never be completely gone. He will always be a part of you.

[Sugar-Rush]

Thank you DN, that is almost exactly what my b/f said about my dad xxx