After you have let go, should you avoid them (so the feelings don't return)?

[bw92116]

If you have "gotten over" the person enough that you feel emotionally stable, and it's not painful any more, should you still allow that person in your life in anyway? Or is doing so running a risk that you will develop the feelings again, and be back where you are started?

 

For a couple of examples, there is someone in my life who I have known for 22 years, and for a relatively brief period about 5 years into it, fell in love with me, and was sending me flowers anonymously, etc. I figured out who it was, but I never had a conversation with them about it. Somehow they got over it on their own, and we remained friends, though not super-close, at least it has lasted. They eventually got married to someone, and I guess it doesn't bother them to interact with me, they must have processed it all out of their system.

 

Another example was someone I was involved with and it was a harmful relationship for me (they used me). I was emotionally attached to them, but I forced myself to get out of it and let go. I don't want to ever get back into that particular relationship. For one thing, it harmed me, and no matter how nice they are now and how much it appears they "have changed," it could always slip back into a harmful pattern. But, also because just seeing them and being around them could remind me (and maybe reawaken) the feelings I once had for them - especially if they act different and appear to be "changed."

 

Those are both old, distant examples, but there is a current one, where I am friends with someone who I also wanted a romantic/sexual relationship with, but that person doesn't see me that way or feel that way about me, so it has taken me a few weeks, and I have gotten over the painful part of it, and I feel much better now and emotionally stable. Should I avoid this person completely from now on? Or is it possible to be friends with this person without having the romantic or "in love" feelings return or be rekindled? I know it's different for everybody, but what is the typical case?

 

Thank you

[Sn0man]

Well, if you haven't gotten sexually involved with this individual, then those feelings will eventually subside, especially when you're around them alot (as long as you're not 'doing it'). I can't stress that one enough.

 

Shouldn't be a problem. Just be friends with the person for a while and like the rest of us you'll find lots of annoying habits and eventually you will begin to wonder why you were ever attracted to this person in the first place hahahaha!!

[bw92116]

Thanks for your reply. Never got sexually involved - it never happened, though I wanted it to happen. That may be the problem - how can I eliminate the sexual feelings for them? Or did that go away too, during the "crying period?" Really, though, I am more concerned about the emotional part - will I experience emotional pain again, if I continue to interact with them? I don't want to go back if it means more emotional pain. In this case, the pain was not caused by anything they did to me (they were not abusive or anything). The pain was caused by me developing feelings for them that they didn't have for me. Is that gone now, or could it come back if I go back and continue to interact with them?

[langford]

Yes i would like to know also,I am 100% over someone,very happy with someone else and wonder if being in touch with them again would resurect any of the old feelings.

 

It seems as though as long as you have truly moved on and are able to approach the relationship in a new way/light it should'nt be a problem.

[HeartAche]

I personally think it's a bad idea but I guess it all depends on your own personal situation.

 

I split up from my ex 3 months ago, she had to come round last Friday to collect some more of her stuff and before I saw her, I thought I was doing reasonably well - I still thought about her everyday but it was no longer painful. Now after seeing her I feel I'm back to square one.

 

I guess if you've moved on and are happy with someone else then it wouldn't be a problem. But if you're in my situation, you just try to analyse everything, why did she say that?, does that mean she misses me and wants me back? etc....

[whoops]

snowman i love the line about annoying habits - so true

 

I agree dont go there you only go back to square one - emotions are so hard to deal with i think i prefer to forget them so no contact is alot better then deal with you not them.

 

Heartache i thought i too was doing good then he texted and called and returned call now today i feel awful and worse then before and analysed wrote etc tore apart every word he said - see much worse should have nc will do for now i am the keeper of my emotions i dictate how to feel not the past.

[bw92116]

Okay, thank you.