how do I get over her?

[Jeepster_251]

I need to tell you a little history before I get to my question. I met this girl a year and a half ago. We had to get away from each other twice because I had issues I was dealing with. Namely depression from a broken heart ( I was in a long relationship that went on and off for 6 years). I was really mean to her and other people in my life. I went and received help for my depression. I am not a 100% yet but I can honestly say that I am 90% there. There are a lot of people that have noticed the change in my attitude over the past few months. Ok now getting to my question. I am again talking to this person and we are really close friends. I have a crush on her, but she just got out of a relationship of 4 years a month or so ago. I have been helping her deal with her problems, because I have gone through what she is going through. The other night we were talking and she asked me what I would do if she kissed me, I said I was not sure. (I am not your typical guy....I do think with my heart). I told her that I would not want to hurt her because she is so vulnerable right now. She was getting at helping each other because we are both with out intimacy right now. But she has nothing else to offer me because she has no feelings for me because of our past, this is what she said to me. Saturday I went out and got totally trashed, I guess I talked to her on the phone, I don't remember saying what I talked about but I guess I was a real prick. She is really mad at me now. Then I guess she met this guy and she was going to watch a movie with him. I am very jealous now. What can I do to stay friends with her and move on so I am not wasting my time waiting for a relationship with her that will never happen. Plus how can I get over my jealousy and jsut stay friends with her. I have been single for about 4 years now. I am a very attractive guy, that is what I have been told, I just live a small town and it is hard to meet different people here, I think this is why I am not able to get past the crush I have on my friend that will not happen. What can I do so I can get over my crush and be a good friend.

 

thank you for your help!

[Annoyed And Bitter]

Sweetie, you have GOT to apologize for being an ass. There is simply no getting around THAT. Furthermore I suggest you DO NOT voice your jealousy to her. This is a situation of you own making, and I think you know that.

 

The best advice I can give you is to keep your distance for a while. Give yourself some time to get to 100% and deal with your feelings for her. You cannot be her friend as long as you are harbouring feelings that go BEYOND a simple crush.

 

Maybe the "crush" part will go away, maybe it won't. In the long run it is MY opinion that you take a few LARGE steps back and get your sh*t together before you attempt a friendship. A friendship can exist with a "crush" it CANNOT exist with an infatuation, especially an unhealthy one.

 

Just my humble opinion....

[Gilgamesh]

hello Jeepster

 

You have made many mistakes here,

 

1) Dont ever counsel a person you want to like you, that may sound cruel, and seems to go against logic, but trust me, you cam be by her side, and comfort her, but she will always associate you with that pain! and later when she has healed, will feel uncomfortable around you. yes they will be gratefull, but subconsciously she will be uncomfortable around you.

 

2) Dont ever make moves on a gal, that has just got out of a relationship, later she may feel you were trying to take advantage of her, plus her feeling for you werent allowed to develope under normal circumstances and later she will have doubts about her feelings.

 

3) being jealous over a woman that doesnt even have a commited relationship with you is a very big no no, now she believes you are possesive, insecure, and feel she owes you something.

 

4) calling her drunk , and insulting her is not a attractive feature, she was already hurt by somebody else, the last thing she needs is you doing it, so how does this prove to her your an atractive prospect?

 

Jealousy is a insecurity problem, so is possessiveness. you need to work on this, I was like that when very young, later i learned that trust is so very important, if I cant trust the person I love, then I shouldnt be with them, and if I trust them, there is no reason to be jealous.

 

So, what can we do for damage control.

 

call her up, tell her you acted like an ass, and so very sorry. tell her you want her to be happy, and will support her in whatever she decides, that whatever happens, she can count on you to be her friend. tell her your very insecure, and trying to learn not to be. this way she knows that you recognize the problem, and are dealing with it.

 

then give her some space, she shouldnt be dating anyone right now, but, dont interfere, because she will believe you are saying that because of your interest in her.

 

good luck

[Jeepster_251]

thanks Gilgamesh,

 

Everything you said makes sense. Plus everything that you told me I should do, I already did that. Now I just need to give her space. I also need to get over her and just be there for her if she needs me. No strings attached.