This is probably going to sound insane...

[anomaly]

...but I probably already am.

 

This is actually a very long story, here's the short and sweet version.

 

I met a girl 5 years ago and within the span of about 2 months became obsessed with her and have been ever since, but she has never cared whether or not I've existed and now we're over 10,000 miles apart, and have been for longer than a year. I try not to incessantly bother her via email, but I can't let go and I can't 'replace' her. This untouched area of my life has become so heart-breaking that I've been thinking about suicide, have attempted many times, and even now have an existing plan.

I've been in therapy and on medications for years but it doesn't change anything... I've come to realize that this problem actually is the source. Has anyone ever dealt with anything remotely like this?

 

ANOMALY

[Turboz]

Hi

 

Well I sort of understand where your coming from but I've never experienced anything like you say.

 

Most men are on the obsessive side. Most men though manage to hide it or suppress it.

 

It sounds to me like you really liked this person a hell of a lot more than any other right? - You've said you contact her via email now so I'm guessing that you did actually try to ask her out at sometime?

 

If you did and you've still been refused then your screwed. If you both gave it a try and it just didn't work out then I suggest you just accept it and grow up.

 

There's very little that can help someone in this situation of being obsessed with someone who doesn't stand much hope so please understand what I'm about to do in the next few paragraphs as trying to help you (even though it may hurt)..

 

She's obviously not interested. She doesn't care. You have to accept that and GROW UP. Your a man not a kid. Get a hold of yourself and give yourself a damn good shake. Since when did she have a label on her saying she's yours anyway?.

 

You need to get some serious help or accept that it's never going to be. Break all contact with her as it's going to make you feel worse the longer you go on like this. It's not her fault. It's yours. Your the one that started fantasising about her anyway right? - That means you jumped the gun and assumed it was going to work. Since what made you so special?

 

What made you think you may even stand a remote chance with HER? - It's 5 years and you still think keeping contact may bring you what you want? - LEt it go. Go see a hypnotist and have them force you to forget. You need to get out of this otherwise your going to hurt yourself and maybe her. I detected resentment in your post when you say it's caused by the source - I took that to mean that your now blaming her and thats not a healthy thing to do.

 

She has a right to live how she wants and if she doesn't want you as part of your life then you should accept that not try and blame her and try your best to hurt her by committing suicide. If you were to kill yourself because of this woman then you would look like a stupid pr*ck to her who was a hopeless loser. She'd be ashamed to even admit she ever knew a person who was totally screwed in the head.

 

You've got to take control of your mind and refuse to let this go any further. Get bored thinking about her. If someone mentions her to you then refuse to talk about her. Block her emails. Do whatever it takes but break all contact with her.

 

Get your arse out the door and find another woman who is interested in you and see's what you have to offer her in life. You are a unique individual who is alive only once. Get your ass out the door down to a nightclub and find someone.

[angel_69_delight]

Turboz may have been kinda harsh, but he was right in everything he said. You do need to break contact with her completely. I imagine you are possibly even scaring her a little bit.

This girl is obviously not the right one for you, but please do not take your own life because of her. We have all been rejected at some point in our life, and it is hard to come to terms with that, but we do. It takes time and effort and the support of others. But eventually we come out the other side, stronger people. Having faced up to the problem and beating it.

It sounds to me like you are blaming this girl, and you need to stop that. If you constantly blame someone else you can never face up to the problem, sometimes things are your fault. Not always, but sometimes.

You have got to start looking into yourself, analysing yourself. What are your flaws and how can you improve them. If you do this, and start to build your self esteem, you can one day end up loving yourself. This is a very important thing in everyones life, and it can make you strong in the face of adversity.

Good luck with everything, and you know where we are.

Take care

Angel xxxxxx

[KarenWalker]

Hey there...

I would like to begin by saying that these last two replies were a little on the scary side, I felt like i was listening to Dr.Phil (note: I dislike Dr.Phil).

 

Anyway first of all, DO NOT blame yourself for this, don't blame her either, but for goodness sake it is not your "faults" that have caused you suituation...has it ever occurred to these last two posters that maybe the girl isn't some godess that this guy is totally unworthy of? Sheesh....listen, you two just didn't work out, and trust me, it happens. Obviousley you can't get over her, and that happens too....but don't feel like it only happens to you. Never think that, because it's untrue and self-hurtful. You need to work from YOUR inside out...you feel depressed because you're not together with this girl that you feel like you love very much. My only advice is try to look at yourself, and I mean really look at yourself (note: I've done this before, and after 3 days of bawling in a dark room, I felt something I can't possibly describe) and figure out why it is you feel that your self-worth is based upon your ability to get this girl, or just A girl. Relationships are not a good way to self-gauge, take it from me...you need to discover a way to be happy with or without a girlfriend. However DO cut off all contact with her...no cheating...but this doesn't necessarily mean out of sight out of mind...you will be thinking about her, but whatever you do don't talk to her. It will not bring immediate amazing results of being over her, humans can't just force themselves to feel one way or another...that's a behaviourist's take on life, Dr.Phil sorta people. Terrible way to go about things, you may just end up deteriorating from false happiness. So basically all I can say is find yourself a good psycho-therapist and work through these issues with him/her...they will help you to pinpoint your issues and then help you work through them...they may be the shunned in the psychology world but I promise they will help you make progress...

 

Remember you are you, and don't let anyone ever tell you that's not good enough. If this girl can't see that, then she's not worth the pain...but don't try to force her to see your wonderful self...move on. But do try to help yourself, not for the purpose of looking better to girls, but for being mentaly healthy And please please please don't go to a nightclub to find a girl...it'll end up making you feel more empty and make you think about the original gal...work through your issues first, then slowly you'll be and feel ready to take on a relationship. Hope I've helped...

 

Karenwalker.

[ndgpnat1607306451]

i've been through the almost the exact same kind of situation. i know how much it hurts. and, to be honest, letting go makes it hurt worse. until it's done. but now that i've let go, i am the happiest i've ever been. if she doesn't care about you now, then if she ever does, it won't be genuine. but, man, believe me, the only option is letting go. it will make you feel so much better.

[anomaly]

Just to clear up some things that I don't think communicated well in my original post... by saying that this is the problem, I meant as opposed to the many other things people tend to blame suicidal behavior on. There are other factors, granted, but this is the basis of my life-death imbalance. I don't blame her for any of this, I blame myself for it mostly... after all it is my obsession. I don't know if anything could have worked out because I was too shy to ever ask her out or anything of the sort. I tried to conceal it with indifference. She only learned about it after we moved apart. It was after we moved apart that the suicidal cycle started.

As for letting go... that's the original problem. Short of a replacement, a miracle, or a sudden change in personality, how does one just let go of the last 5 years of their life?

 

There is another option, I could admit myself to another psych ward.

 

ANOMALY

[angel_69_delight]

I feel I should do the same. I never meant for you to go out to a nightclub and find some girl. When I said I agreed with Turboz, I didn't mean everything single thing he said.

As for letting go, you don't have to do that, nor do you need a miracle. What you need is time, I know you have had a lot of that already, but it seems to me you need more. You don't need to admit yourself to a psych ward, but maybe pyscho therapy could be a good route for you to take. It really helps to be able to talk about things with someone who is completely impartial, and they won't jusge you in anyway.

This website is a good way to talk to people as well, but you can never really trust the people on the other end, you don't really know who you are.

I wish you the best of luck, and please take care

Angel xxxxx

[ndgpnat1607306451]

i may be totally off here, but i have always refused to go talk to someone else. I've just never felt comfortable talking to other people. i have had to go two times, and both times i never felt i could trust the other guy anyway. but any time i would start to think like that, i'd write down exactly what i was thinking. and then read it. it just seems so much different when you're thinking it, and then reading it. but what ever helps you is what you should do. and, i know you'll never forget the girl, or be completely over her, but you have to start healing. i know you're probably getting tired of hearing that, but believe me, that's all there is to it.

[baby_innocence]

I'm somewhat in your position. Learn this, no one is worth your life than yourself. Dont kill yourself over a person. I've learned that the hard way. It's not worth it. I mean at all. Secondly, you have to learn to let go...it might take a hell of a long time, and trust me I know how you must feel, but you have to try and get on with your life just as she is. Date other women, see your friends. Dont revolve your life around a girl that's 10,000 miles away from you. My first love experience only lives a mile away from my house, it's been a year since I last saw/talk/interacted with him, and I still havent competely gotten over him. I still love him, and I know he cant be replaced in my life, and I've come to accept the fact that I dont have to replace him. If you love this girl, you'll have to let her go, and knowing women, even though she may not feel the same to you, she wouldnt want you beating yourself up over her. It wont just make her feel devastated she was the source of your death, but even more guilty she couldnt have done anything to stop it. I suggest you get on with your life before you hurt yourself and even worse, hurt her more than you could ever imagine. You love her...If you loved her, and cared for her...You would take care of yourself. Not more for your sake, but more for hers.