To be truthful or not to be truthful

[Jlizzy]

OK some of you may recognise my name.

 

For those who don't:

I was having some difficulty with my bf. First 2 months were bliss and then it got all rocky. I blame this on the fact that at the 2 month mark when I went to visit a male friend in Europe whom I had travelled with for 3 months and yes also slept with in the past, it turned out that the appartment he was staying in was tiny and so I ended up sharing a bed with him. Other than my mate trying it on with me nothing happened because I pushed him away. However, I knew my bf would enquire conversationaly, when he saw me about the appartment. I had already made the decision that I would be upfront about it when asked. This caused major turmoil in the months since.

 

Anyway, finally, finally in the last 1.5 weeks to 2 weeks things are really picking up and I definitely see a difference. It's lovely.

 

However last night we spoke on the phone and during our conversation he came out with "oh hey what's this about you and your manfriend?". Referring to a mate I went to visit when I went back to my other home country last weekend. I had told my bf at the time and he forgot and I sent texts telling him what I was doing too. I'm a thorough believer in being able to ask your partner a question if you feel uncertain (we've had 2 occasions over the past month where my bf wasn;t happy with me questioning him), however I'm sad at what is coming accross to me as a definate remaining insecurity from this whole incident with my mate i shared a bed with, despite my bf's claims that he's well over it.

 

Anyway i guess my number 1 question is this: this week a friend (though I haven;t actually ever met him in person) whom I got to know through a dating website, well before I met my bf, passed on a really good lead for me businesswise.It's basically a collboration of 2 companies. I'm really excited about it. I told my bf as well in brief over the phone about it before the conversation got moved onto something else.

 

I'm worried my bf will come back on this and ask about which friend and when he hears that I emt the guy on the net -how did I meet him and so on...Point being I'm debating between just saying a guy I met on ICQ for example and thereby somewhat lying or actually saying I met him on a dating site and risking more hassle?

 

 

 

The above story really makes my bf sound like a complete a**h*** and controller but he's not. Yes he's displayed some signs over the past so many months that I'm keeping an eye to but he's not some kind of guy who's watching my every step and telling me what to do.

 

ANy advice welcome!

[need2bme]

I would be uncomfortable if my GF met anyone on any type of dating site and I AM NEVER jealous of a GF going out with a guy.

 

Who cares? If she loves me...cool, if she does send up doing something with him, I don't need her anyway.

 

So, back to your question, why does he need to know? If he does, just don't divuldge info that will hurt him and stay off the dating sites.

[laboheme]

You said that you met the guy well before you met your boyfriend? If he trusts you, that should be a good enough explanation.

 

But honestly, there are so many ways of getting business leads that you can say basically anything. If somebody asked me how I met one of my friends that I still keep in touch with online...I honestly wouldn't be able to say. Went to the same school, most likely. In your case, maybe you "decided to stay in touch because you were interested in the same fields."

[Rabican]

Your boyfriend doesnt sound like an a$$hat.

 

You went and had a sleepover with some other guy while you had a boyfriend. Even if those plans were months old, at the point that you had a boyfriend you should have cancelled, gotten your own room, invited your boyfriend etc. Its MASSIVELY innapropriate to be sleeping in the same bed with another guy while you are ina relationship. If I were him id probably have ended your relationship right here... but thats me.

 

Meeting a guy on a dating website, pretty much excludes him from being a 'friend' if you ask me. The grounds on which you met would make it pretty hard for me to trust the guys intentions.

 

That said, if you have a job opportunity out of all this you have two options. Reject the offer out of hand, or take the offer and just be honest about how you met the guy. Make a point to NOT go visit this friend in europe and sleep in his bed. Just keep this guy on the up and up, and make sure you keep your bf informed about any meetings or anything like that with this 'friend'.

[tylercdurden2004]

Stupid it was. My last GF pulled this stunt on me as well.

 

When you are in a committed relationship you should not sleep in the same bed as another man period. Unless of course you are totally cool with your BF doing it and he is cool with you doing it. And more especially with a guy you had previous relations with.

 

I suspect you are more interested in the attention than anything. Good thing your "friend" only tried to get it on with you, eh.

 

Having travelled all over the world and seen many small apartments etc I have yet to come accross one that didnt have enough floor space to accommodate me. Guarantee I am a bigger build than you.

 

You've already broken trust with him in the early stages hard to build that back.

[Jlizzy]

Ooh. not 100% what I expected.

 

I mentioned about how "my boyfriend is not an a**" because I actually previously posted about problems in the relationship and people felt he wasn't being fair (despite knowing about the stupid blunder on my part).

 

I didn't share a bed with my mate for attention. It was a naeive stupid stupid mistake. I stupidly was so blissfully happy with my bf that I thought i could know that he could trust me ..yes looking back stupid stupid. Also my other nationality -we're way more liberal. When i described this problem to my best friend there she too couldn't udnerstand it as for young 20 somethings..if you need a place to sleep it's not highly unusual to share a bed with a friend of the opposite sex...with nothing else happing.

 

I was back in my other home country last weekend and met a male friend (i think i mentioned this in the original thread) about 1.5 hours away from where I was staying. he suggested to come visit me if he had a place to stay -this basically due to the set up would have meant sharing the same bed! So I went to where he lives (the offer was there to stay with him). Rather than make a dumb mistake again I visited my friend, took a 3am nighttrain back to where I was staying and didn't make it to my bed til 6am. Had to be up at 9 again. So...

 

This is why something young 20 somethings from my other nationality do this. Though yes obiously when in a relationship you need to be more cautious. I just didn't think and the options when visiting my mate I initially mentioned whom I shared the bed with -I didn't like the options of either finding a hostel or hotel and having my mate make a fuss that I was being silly, or sleep on a hard floor.

 

Again..I know now it was a stupid mistake.

 

As regards to the guy I met on the dating website..he knows about my boyfriend and we've justa taked here and there online. I don't see how I am doing anything wrong but granted and am scared my bf might have a problem with it.

 

I'm thinking perhaps the best thing is I just leave it at that I met him online. I just don't want to stir more crap!

[Clementyne]

Lies, not matter how small they are are very dangerous and sometimes it's a dealbreaker for a guy. Once I was faced with lying or telling the truth about something to my boyfriend, I lied basically because I thought this way it wouldn't hurt his feelings, and then we've had the biggest fight we've ever had. Be careful, I know a lot of situations that have lead to a breakup just because of a little white lie, and most of them concern lying about a member of the opposite sex.

[Jlizzy]

Clementyne - That's a really good point on your part...

 

I'm just terrified..things in the past 2-3 weeks finally finally are starting to get really nice again...like I feel finally we're winning back what we had in the first 2 months and I am terrified this will just set it all off again even though regarding this guy I know online I have done NOTHING wrong.

 

If I tell my bf about having met him on the net then I'm telling the majority of the truth. Chances my bf would find out that the intial contact was on a dating site is slim I think..however granted if he pushes me enough on the topic..well I'm a terrible liar so...