New : Extremely confused and frustrated ( a little long)

[TornTattered]

Hello everybody. Ive been reading on this site for a while now as a guest and member and have found that there is a lot of helpful information that is given out. Heres to hoping that you all can help me out.

 

My story My ex and I dated for 2.5 years with only one minor fight that lasted only 30 min throughout the relationship. But all in all it was great. We loved each other alot. She talked with me about our future and how i was the ONE for her alot.. and though i shy'd a little away from talking about the future, i talked about it with her as if we would. Cause i knew i wanted to, but i just couldnt say it. Well we both went to college ( different schools ) and the distance never affected our relationship. ( although we do LIVE next to each other in our hometown) I would see her every weekend. Then i transfered and the situation stayed the same. This year i had to transfer again, albeit to a school that is 11 hours away from hers. We knew it would be hard, but we could work it out. Well.. the week before i went down to my new school, everything was just as fine as any other day together and then blam, she calls me and says its over. I tried to get her to work it out and such, but she made up her mind.

 

Well, i went on some recon with her roomate (no-no)and found out that she met someone else and was confused with why she felt attracted to him and decided to break it off to make sure or something. She never cheated, but didnt want to cheat on me, thereforeee the breakup. I was hurt more than anything in the world. I didnt take it very well and told her how much i loved her and she mumbled " why didnt you say that earlier " or something to that effect. Then i went into a long period of NC. I broke that unfortunately and contacted her and had a good regular talk for about an hour or more where we didnt talk about anything that i Really wanted to talk about. During that talk she mentioned that she missed my mom ( ???) and that she liked my new music. ( i started to write music again to get my mind off of things, and had some music posted up on my away message). Ironically the music was about her and i. In our last words i told her that i would like to know how the concert she was going to went ... and she said she will.

 

Now comes the confused and frustrated part. Its been a little over a month since the breakup, and since friday that i told her id like to hear how the concert went. But i finally went into full-blown-NC mode yesterday and put her on my ignore list, as well as delete all her pictures on my computer. Seeing her either in word form, or picture form has hurt me enough. (she has been in every dream since the breakup). Im just really tired of hurting, when i am positive im the only one hurting.

 

2 questions : Did i do the right thing? I still love this girl with all my heart, but not having her on my ignore list encourages me to check her status, and it hurts every time. Also... she has a few pictures of us left up on her Facebook acount ( we arent friends on that anymore) and im afraid to ask her to take them down. They show up on my pictures list. I still love this girl, but i dont want to push her too far away, nor do i want to hurt anymore. From what i have read, I should just go into NC and forget about her. Also... should i tell her about not contacting me, and such. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[tylercdurden2004]

Well she is unsure how she feels about this guy. This should tell you everything after being together for 2.5 years.

 

I had a very similar experience with my last GF. She wasnt sure how she felt about this other guy, I told it was over, she had the audacity to state that we shouldnt break up for US. 4 months later we started the process of getting back together to breakup 1 1/2 years after getting back together.

 

What did I learn:

 

1) We broke up for pretty much th same issues. I figured out by finally summing up all her actions that this girl didnt "love" me for the right reasons. I knew it woudl end sooner or later after I tallied her actions.

 

2) If you are even thinking of getting back together make sure you sort out the issues that broke you up in the first place

 

3) MAKE SURE she has done the same. Dont be afraid to ask the tough questions and do not let your ego (gotta get her back) or your love for her(emotions ruling your thoughts) get in the way of making a decision whether it beneficial in the long run to be with her. The good feelings of having that love back shouldnt outweigh the rationale of beign with her long term.

 

4) Love and a relationship are NOT the same thing. A relationship should contain love but love does not imply or mean a relationship. A relationship is a coming together of two people where it benefits both parties to be together rather than on their own or more importantly with someone else.

[TornTattered]

Well.. i thank you for your quick response. To answer some of your questions.... I am pretty positive i know why we broke up. And they werent anything that i did, but things that i didnt do. She told me that in our breakup conversation. After a month of thinking ( and yes i did go through the anger phase as well) i realized that i dont hate her, nor do i want to retaliate. I have no reason to, she was the best thing to happen to me in my life. So i have no regrets.

 

The time away made me realize all the things that were faults of mine and i drastically acted to change them. ( self-esteem, confidence, more friends, attitude.) And I am positive that i have. I made those goals when i came to this new school.

 

So i do still want to be with her. I do think i could work it out. But im afraid of how to act now. That being the questions i asked at the end of my first post. Thank you.

[tylercdurden2004]

Mate she had feelings for another guy. Thats a pretty strong reason to break up. That is if she really wanted to be with you no other guy woud matter. I think you shouldnt look at this too lightly. I think you a putting too much on yourself and ignoring the fact that it may very well be that you are not what she is looking for change or not.

[TornTattered]

So... then... should i just stay with the NC until she maybe contacts me? Or should i ask the tough questions that i need to know now?

[TornTattered]

Ok scratch that.. i found out how to delete the pictures off my facebook without talking to her. This site has really helped me out. These stories have really helped me find a way to move on. Im just going to stay the course with NC and whatever happens happens.