Feeling insecure about my girlfriend's career.

[TheLostBird]

Hello folks,

 

I have a bit of a weird problem, and I hope someone can offer me some advice. I am 24 and my girl is 21.

 

I feel insecure about my girlfriend's career choice. She is studying graphic design at the moment, which is more than fine by me. But she also DJ's as a hobby at some clubs and raves, and for some reason, I feel insecure about that.

 

She wants to become a superstar DJ someday, alongside her graphic design degree. Whenever I think of her getting big, getting gigs in other cities (she can do it, shes that good), etc, it worries me and makes me feel clingy and needy and I hate it. I cant exactly pinpoint why, maybe coz its jealousy of being famous, or maybe its coz she'll be away often...I just dont know. I know its not me feeling "inadequate" since I have a Masters in Engineering and make a very good living.

 

The strange part is, I really want her to pursue her dreams. I would be sad if I saw her give up on what she really wants to do!

 

So whats the solution? Has anyone gone through something like this?

 

Thanks!

LostBird

[sparkle1]

Lost bird...

 

So many men would feel the same.

 

I doubt you're jealous of her becoming famous. I would imagine you're more worried about the thought of her not 'needing' youin the same way as she does currently?? Also she will be away and surrounded by other people all of the time.....but she will be coming back to you!!!

 

Your feelings and apprehensions are totally understandable, but, i bet you, she wants you to be 'there with her' and support her all the way - it wouldn't be the same if you couldn't.

 

Support her dreams, and communicate about your fears and anxieties. I'm sure she'll reassure you.

 

Good luck!

[friscodj]

Hey LB-

 

I think you are thinking too far ahead here. Plus, I do definitely see insecurity conveyed in your post.

 

Well, first of all, everytime you sense one of these thoughts or feelings surfacing, stop, and rationalize it. You're an engineer, you're good at stuff like that! Ask yourself why you are feeling that way and what concrete, sound basis you have for feeling that way. If you find you can find no good reason, nothing she has alluded to or said, that might help you. Really play to your strengths of being able to think critically here and think of dealing with your feelings as an engineering problem. And if you keep doing this, maybe the feelings will eventually go away...

 

On a deeper level, what is it that bothers you with this? Is it the club scene and the fact her being a female DJ will attract hot guys? Do you feel she will become famous and forget about you? Do you feel the traveling will cause the demise of the relationship?

 

But you see what's going on here...none of this has actually happened yet! You are being a good engineer by thinking ahead but again, unless you have sound, logical basis for thinking this way, focus on the present and enjoying your time with her. Thinking ahead too much will be counterproductive. Focus on the present, focus on building your relationship, so when the future does arrive, you will have a stronger basis with which to deal with the potential issues you alluded to. In this way, you are indirectly "planning ahead" by living in the here-and-now...

[Emmylu]

I think it need not be looked at as a personal negative thing like insecurity or jealousy. It's a simple fact that people in different careers have different lifestyles (work hours, obligations, etc.). Maybe you are just worried about staying close in the relationship when your work is so different. But I have seen many people work this out and learn exciting new ideas from each other.