Confused: My Boyfriend and Another Guy

[Sarah_25_SC]

I have two issues, they may be related though. Let me know what you think please.

 

1). Boyfriend and committment - We've been together over 2 years and have lived together for more than 1. He is wonderful, we love each other very much, and talk/plan for a future together that includes marriage. He left email open in February and I saw one to a friend saying he was "thinking of proposing". Now, 7 months later and nothing. His parents tell me he has said he plans to marry me, but when they ask him about buying a ring, proposing, he doesn't give them a firm answer. Why do they tell me this? I don't know, I guess to tell me to hang in because he is wanting to marry me just no idea when. They say they think "there will be a wedding next year". But I am beginning to wonder.

 

2). A Guy Friend From Work - I've known him 2 years, met him right after I started dating my boyfriend and though I might like to date him if things didn't work out. However, they are working out so he has remained a friend. This guy has made all sorts of comments indicating how ready he is to get married "the only other person who I will live with is my future wife", "I'll let my wife redecorate my house if she wants", etc. I also feel slightly guilty of our friendship because I think he likes me as more than a friend and would jump on the chance to date me if I was single. He has sent emails like "I wish there were more women like you", "You are a rare girl: smart, beautiful, athletic, etc." The conversations always seem flirty to me, but when I indicate he's crossed a line by saying "You're using your good lines on the wrong person as I'm taken" he acts like I read it all wrong by saying "I know you aren't single, I was just kidding".

 

So, part of me thinks that if things are never going to happen with my boyfriend I should break up with him and that the other guy would probably propose quickly - because he's said he's ready and I'm exactly the type of girl he wants. I love my boyfriend and think I'm basically getting tired of waiting. Any advice?

 

If I had to guess, I bet I will be to I need to "be patient". But it's hard after so long and after so many friends have gotten married who have dated for less time than us. Plus everyone is asking ALL the time "We though we'd see a ring on your finger soon! When are you getting married?" I have no idea! I don't really "pressure" him about it because I've always felt that a man should marry you because he WANTS to, not because you NAGGED him into it. Now I can see sort of understand why women put on the pressue. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but the longer it goes the more I question "Does he really love me? Is he really planning on marrying me?" I know it's probably my mind overreacting. His actions tell me strongly and clearly that he does want to marry me and loves me completely.

[DN]

I may have the wrong idea here but you seem more interested in the idea of being married than anything else. It seems odd to me that you would think about dumping your boyfriend for this other guy because he might marry you sooner. Where does love come into this?

 

And why can't you propose to your boyfriend?

[Hope75]

I was getting the same impression as DN.

 

Which is more important to you, getting married to your boyfriend when the time is right, or getting married, period, right now?

 

I've been with my guy for 4 years in 2 weeks, living together just as long,and I am in school about to graduate in a few months. I hope he will propose soon after, but I am willing to wait until the time is right for both of us. Because being with HIM and marrying HIM is what I want to do... marriage is important, but only with the right person. I'm 30 and I'm not getting any younger, but I think the right PERSON makes all the difference. I wouldn't want to marry anyone but my bf.

 

I don't know that I get that feeling from you. What do you think?

[n83]

I don't think what your friend says is cute. It tells me that he has no idea what marriage is REALLY about. It has nothing to do with "letting your wife play house" .. it's a really serious commitment and he sounds like he's really immature or else just lost in space. I also agree with the other posters, it just sounds like you want to get married more than to a specific person.

[finewhine]

Do your boyfriend a favor and dump him, then figure out what you want out of a guy that's more than a ring. If you just want the ring, go for the coworker.

[breeze33]

this guy knows you are taken but he keeps flirting with you. He should respect the boundaries. Are you sure he is that way with only you? what if you become involved with him and he does the same thing to someone else? I dunno....you don't know him as well as you do your bf.

 

if things are going well with your bf, give him time and see what happens. Sit down and have a talk but don't pressure him.

[Rabican]

I may have the wrong idea here but you seem more interested in the idea of being married than anything else. It seems odd to me that you would think about dumping your boyfriend for this other guy because he might marry you sooner. Where does love come into this?

 

And why can't you propose to your boyfriend?

 

What he said. +1

 

Grass is Greener syndrome. Wondering if maybe the other guy would marry you sooner, or if he would be a better match. Want some advice? Tell the other guy to lay off the inuendos, you know darn well what hes saying when he wishes there were other girls like you. Just tell him you are his friend, and its staying that way unless you ever break up with your man.

[Royltnxile]

I agree with DN. Where does love enter into this? Your post seems to indicate that you are putting marriage above the quality of the relationship. If you love your b/f, and the relationship is good, then what's the rush to marry? 2 years really isn't that long of a time prior to getting engaged/married. Relax and let him propose when he's ready.

 

However, I'm a little concerned that the fact that you seem to be already lining up "successors" to your boyfriend (guy from work) that you are more into the idea of being married than you are deeply in love with your b/f.

 

How old are you, btw? I'm guessing early to mid 20's?