OVER HIM or JUST ACCEPTANCE?

[SoontobeRN]

Hey everyone...just a quick recall-about 3 weeks ago, I was at work and started feeling better, and things have been great ever since...I even started dating someone else, so things are going good. I was just thinking that because things are good with me again and I'm happy, does that mean I'm over my ex? I'd like to tell myself yes, but sometimes I still do miss him but those feelings go away really quickly...so then I started thinking that maybe I'm just in the acceptance stage of all this stuff. Any thoughts?

THANKS FOR EVERYONE'S HELP...

 

STB

[rose2summer]

The more you are happy in your own shoes and happy being single, the more you are over your ex.

 

I think sometimes we miss our exes because we miss having someone in our life.

 

But when you are happy with just being you, you are definitely in the acceptance stages of the grievance process after a break-up.

 

Hugs, Rose

[friscodj]

I think acceptance does equal "over him".

 

Maybe a good test would be to imagine yourself out alone and seeing him happily in love with someone else. How would you feel about that?

[amtjrtcet]

Hey there; well I too have an ex and I am also in a new relationship (wonderful relationship), and new relationships help us to move on, but I personally am NOT over my ex. Its been 9 months since we broke up and even though I am happy with my b/f of 5 months I am NOT over my ex, and I am the one that initiated the break up. I still miss him, think about "us" our house, our dogs. I think it will be a very long time before I am "over" him, if that ever happens. But thats ok. As long as you are moving FORWARD in life then you're ok.

[SoontobeRN]

Hey Everyone...I think if I saw him somewhere with someone else, it would bug me just a little, but it would go away because I really like the new guy. I actually just seen a picture of my ex and it bothered me at first, but then I felt ok. I don't think I can say I'm over him because of that, but I will be in a while. I just moved into the acceptance stage a few weeks ago, so it's only a matter of time before I can say that I'm over him...I hope!

We'll have to see...this new guy I'm seeing though is amazing and I'm so happy when I'm around him but I think I'm trying to erase my ex from my life and I get discouraged when I see his name somewhere or think about him...I think I just need to know that our relationship was good and just because it's over, that doesn't mean I can't say that it was good...So just a little more time and I will be totally over him...or at least I hope so!!

[Orlander]

I think you are doing pretty well, SoontobeRN. While I believe that part of the healing process, at least for most of us, includes getting out there and dating others again, if it's possible to be happy while you are dating someone new, then its definitely a positive direction you are going.

 

However, if you are involved with someone and all you can do is think about your ex or picture your ex while you are with your new boyfriend/girlfriend then you arent ready to date.

 

 

Orlander

[SoontobeRN]

NO! When I'm with my new BF, all I think about is him...not my ex! But I just seem to be seeing his name everywhere (and seeing his car)...I see his name on commercials, on movie credits...and it stands out for some reason! I hate seeing it because I just want to get him out of my head, lol! I like my new BF and things are going amazing...I think that sometimes I'm trying to compare how I felt with the ex when we broke up to how I feel about my new BF right now...obviously, the feelings were stronger with my ex than they are now with my new BF and it's hard sometimes to believe I will be THAT happy with someone else again!! I dunno, I guess I'm just gunna keep on going with things..I'm happy now, I'm in a new fantastic relationship and I still think about my ex, but I don't dwell on it or get depressed like I used to...NOT EVEN CLOSE!!! Is that normal to still think about him even though I feel great now?

[arwen]

For me acceptance has meant that I realized we would never be a couple and had peace with that. Being over him for me meant being able to see him without the pain coming back. Then I knew he'd always stay in the past. That was also when the beautiful memories were just beautiful ones, and didn't make me miss him. Between those two 'moments' are 2 years for me. The relationship was 4 and a half. The moment I realized he was nothing but a memory for me, I was able to start loving another man the same way (or even more) I loved him.

 

Ilse

[SoontobeRN]

Hey Ilse...like I said, I think if I saw him somewhere, I would be affected by it (only because I haven't seen him in 4 months) but it would not bother me for long...and sometimes I still miss him, but I've come to realize that I miss that type of relationship...it was a very good relationship and I miss how happy I was in it, so I think I just miss the HAPPINESS that I felt with him and not him (but I can't help but relate that happiness to him)...Get what I'm saying? :s But I'm in a new relationship and when I'm with my new BF, I have a hard time thinking about my ex...I even tried one night and right away, the thought of him left my head...But when I'm not with him, I sometimes think about my ex! So I honestly do believe that in time, all those thoughts about him will just stop!! Also like I said, I'm comparing my new BF to my ex and I can't do that...that's what sometimes causes me to think about me ex. Any thoughts or experiences with that anyone?

 

(PS...I haven't been posting on here long, but have been reading for the past 4 months, and its unbelievable how much writing things down really helps you get a clear perspective...sorry if this post is boring to anyone! It's the first time I've had to go through any of this)

[SoontobeRN]

AAAAAAAH! Had a bad night last night...I don't know why, but I thought about my ex a lot! Is this normal-I just started a new relationship with a great guy and in the past few days, I've thought about my ex more than I have been lately. Normal? I feel like I'm not over him, but I really don't want our relationship back (I'd be too paranoid to date him again because he hurt me and I'd be scared he will do it again), so I know I don't want it back, but I miss him...

 

WHY?

Will these thoughts of my ex go away?

[Chibby33]

We're on the same page SoontobeRN. I'm afraid of a new relationship because my ex is still in my head 24/7. That's why as much as I want to be with someone, I dont think I'll ever be ready or fair. The relationship we had was drama-intensed but just like you, I miss him so much.

[SoontobeRN]

Hey Chibby...I don't think about my ex 24/7, but ever since I started dating my new BF, I've thought more about him that I have been. I miss him a lot, but I don't think I want him back-I'd be too scared he would hurt me again, so like I said before, I think I just miss how happy I felt when I was with him and I don't feel that happy yet with my new BF but we just started dating...I need to give him some time to get into my life! I was where you were once too-EVERYTHING reminded me of my ex-even things that had NOTHING to do with him still made me think about him...TRUST ME, it will all pass. It did for me, and if it did for me, IT CAN FOR ANYONE! I'm not a strong person at all but I'm well on my way to recovery!!

 

KEEP THE FAITH CHIBBY

STB