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Insecurer, not capable to find something better ?


MrRight
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I have been married for 6 years and I dated her for another 6 before getting married.

 

In reality when I got married I was not even sure I was doing the right thing. However, throughout my dating I tried to find another woman I could date, but I never was able to find someone better for me. That is the truth.

 

My wife has a friend, who is also married, and I really like her. I feel that her friend is the type of woman I always looked for, but I never had. My wife and I are incompatible and she agrees with me. She still loves me though.

 

I don't want to think about it sometimes, but all of sudden it comes to my mind that I don't like my wife and I should divorce her. I am not brave enough to do it. I feel that if I had another relationship, even if short-term, I would leave her immediately.

 

I think I don't leave my wife because I am insecure. My question is this, is the fear of not finding someone else who loves a reason not to leave her and keep my marriage as is ?

 

Also another question:

Is the right thing to do wait for someone else to appear in my life, then get divorced ? Is the fact that I am married a significant reason not to find someone interested in me ? I am wondering if I get divorced it would be easier to find someone just due to the fact that I am divorced.

 

In the past I tried online dating services and they suck big time.

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I think I don't leave my wife because I am insecure. My question is this, is the fear of not finding someone else who loves a reason not to leave her and keep my marriage as is ?

 

Also another question:

Is the right thing to do wait for someone else to appear in my life, then get divorced ? Is the fact that I am married a significant reason not to find someone interested in me ? I am wondering if I get divorced it would be easier to find someone just due to the fact that I am divorced.

 

In the past I tried online dating services and they suck big time.

 

Terminating your marriage and finding a new partner should be two separate things. Much as I'm a fan of multi-tasking, trying to combine those two things is just asking for a lot of excess misery.

 

If you try to meet someone before you are divorced, you are limiting your field because:

 

1. there are some women who WILL NOT get involved with a man who is not single and available. If you are not divorced, that leaves you out. IMO, women who have that standard for themselves tend to have more respect for themselves and are more likely to have themselves together overall. A guy who is still legally married and looking for his next SO does not look like a terribly desirable mate. If you're already lining up the next one 'cause you're unhappy, who's to say you won't do the same thing to the gal who you're trying to romance? Now there's a situation I think most mentally healthy women would go out of their way to avoid.....

 

2. Because of the above, that only leaves you with women who will agree to become involved with/stay involved with someone who is already spoken for which raises some questions about their self-esteem and self-respect....OR it leaves you with women you have lied to about your marital situation/status, which isn't a good foundation to base a relationship on.

 

In the long run, if you do decide to split from your wife, I think you'd be doing yourself and any future partner(s) a HUGE favor if you made a clean, complete and final break from your wife and spent a little time learning how to be by yourself and figuring out what you want from a relationship BEFORE you jump back into the dating pool.

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We have one child, 3.

 

She is a great person. Just not the person for me. We have had a long conversation and she also realizes and we have not same things in common. I am kind dreaming with her friend, although her friend is probably not interested in me and of course she is married as well. That just shows how weak my marriage is.

 

Not that I wanted to meet someone else and actually date while married, I meant, I am disappointed that no women ever showed they would be interested in myself (even though I am married I thought that would be possible if I was really desirable). I guess based on what you are saying my rationale is wrong. I thnk you are saying that I should not worry with this. Get divorced and then enjoy myself and eventually if I am available, perhaps a decent woman out of nowhere may appear.

 

THanks for your advices. I will take it.

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