Is he taken even though he's not taken?

[zummyum]

I work from home, so I spend a lot of time in coffee houses, just to get out a bit while I'm working.

 

A couple of months ago I met a guy who works at one of the cafes. I was immediately attracted, and he seemed to be, too. For a while we had lots of smiling, flirting, gazing, and he has even come over to sit with me several times to chat for up to an hour at a time. We talk, laugh, conversation is easy, seems like we're on our way to working up to a real date, right?

 

In our conversations, he's mentioned his ex-girlfriend a couple of times. No biggie, everyone has an ex. But, he's an artist, and a few weeks ago he brought two huge paintings he'd just finished into the cafe and hung them on the wall. One is of him, the other is of his ex. And the paintings just keep coming. There are now 7 pieces of her hanging around.

 

As soon as I saw the first painting I pulled back, because it seems like he's not over her. Am I crazy to get involved with someone who is completely surrounded by images of their ex?

[BornToResist]

I don't think it's a good idea to get involved with this man.

 

It doesn't mean you have to stop talking to him, but would you really want to be the rebound girl? He's obviously not over her at all.

[Jayar]

You'd be crazy to start falling for someone who hasn't asked you on a date AND is surrounded by images of their ex. It's obvious he's not over her. That will change, and it will take time. Don't let yourself get attached until he's demonstrated he's ready to move on... With you.

[sumguy]

Is it possible he had already laid the foundations for the paintings first, a good canvas piece can take weeks/months, and if he already had the foundation laid down for seven portraits, then he'd be throwing away a lot of money by stopping them half way through...

 

...Okay, so it's a stretch, but at least it's on the bright side? =D

[zummyum]

Thanks for the replies!

 

Born and Jayar, I know you're both right. I think I was already feeling the same way, which was why I withdrew right away. It's just so rare that I'm attracted so intensely to someone at first sight. Wishful thinking, I guess.

 

sumguy - thanks for the bright side!

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

LOL, I'd say that's a massive hint he's not over her - what more could he do to show you/anyone else that? Install a neon sign, hehe.

 

Sorry, but it's a very amusing image. And at least it's shown you you CAN meet cool people in coffee shops.

[DN]

Is it possible he had already laid the foundations for the paintings first, a good canvas piece can take weeks/months, and if he already had the foundation laid down for seven portraits, then he'd be throwing away a lot of money by stopping them half way through...

 

...Okay, so it's a stretch, but at least it's on the bright side? =D

I agree with this and would warn against jumping to conclusions. It's not just the money he would be throwing away but his art. It could easily be that he now views her as just a model with whom he once had a relationship. But artists rarely throw away their art and almost all of them want to display it especially in a public place where people may want to buy it or commission a portrait.

 

If a film director had a relationship with his leading actress nobody would expect him to withdraw the film from circulation, even if he had the power to do that.

[Batya33]

At this point I would stop being so available - spend a few minutes at the cafe, then leave. If he wants to spend time with you he has to make the effort to ask you out on a proper date he plans in advance.

[DN]

I suggest you just try being friendly but not too eager and see what happens. It would be a shame to lose someone because he doesn't follow an arbitrary rule. 'Go with the flow' for a while. You have little invested and nothing to lose by giving him a chance to demonstrate interest in his own way.

[zummyum]

Thanks so much for the advice. It's interesting that it seems like the women are saying he's not over his ex, but the men are saying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

So, I'm still going in to the cafe regularly and working, but since the appearance of the first couple of paintings I've pulled back a lot - less eye contact, chatting and smiling. He's pulled back, too, but is still pretty friendly. Any tips to help me decide how to either move this forward or put it to rest?

[rightfromthestart]

my 2 cents

 

how about this....instead of focussing on the subject of the painting, rty looking at the painting itself. i do some painting as well and sometimes it takes months and months to finish a painting. and what it is really is is an expression of a moment in time and all the variables attached to it. and remember, a painting is a memory of something or an expression or a why to find meaning - nothing more. if the 'subject' is a concern, maybe ask him to paint you?