Need some advice please...........

[brokenheart32]

Hi all, is being a while since I have came in to write about my 4 month break up with my ex gf. Many of you had giving me some advice about no NC. I did this for 3 months an one night on my visit to nyc, I get a phone call from the ex gf, I didn't want to pick up my phone but I did I was just wondering what she had to tell me after almost 3 months of not having any contact with me. I would try to make it short and less painfull for me. Here it goes, she told me that the only reason why she wanted to call me was because she didn't want me to think that she didn't care about my feelings and my kids feelings. That she wanted to apologize to me for hurting me and lieing to me the way she did. She went through the whole bull crap that i didn'r believe for one second but (maybe i did). I did want to believe her but at the same time I knew she wasn't trust worthy of it. Anyway she said what she had to say to me and then it was my turn, I told her that I couldn't understand why she had to lie so much to me and betrayed my family and my kids the way she did. She started to cry and said that she deserves everything I tell her. So that conversation when on for like 1/2 hrs, then I just couldn't take it anymore and told her that if her counscience was clear that we had nothing else to talk about. So she calls me again the next day to tell me thank you for not slamming the phone on her and i told her np, and then we chat for a bit and I said I had things I had to do. I then came home and wrote her an email telling her that I wanted no more NC with her because regardless of everything she said my heart is still broken and I needed sometime to fix it, and not only that she is living with the woman that she has being with for the whole 3 years we were together, and I said to her I don't think she would be happy to know that she is calling me again. So she writes me back and tells me that she would do as I said and she wont call me anymore.

So that night she calls me again and tells me that she wanted to explain somethings to me, and that the only reason that the woman was living with her is because she is not going to kick someone out, she said they don't have a realationship as lover is more of 2 ppl being comfortable together, I told her that I don't care what it is but she made her choice to be with her and that she needs to leave me alone. She started to cry and I started to cry I really told her this time how I felt. And then we left it like that, she told me she was still inlove with me and I said ditto but that we needed to say goodbye for good this time.

But something told me to call her house # to see if the only reason why she was intouch with me was because she had disconnected her home phone, and there was no way of me letting the other woman know that she is calling me again. Sure enough I called her home and it was disconnected so now I am feeling like crap because this is another way of her getting back into my life again after 3 months of me doing so much better with myself and now iam feeling like * * * * again. Now not only did I found out that she bought a home but she has the woman living there with her, I just don't even know what to do with my life, I was doing so much better and now is like she just creeps in on me to stab the knive even harder this time. Iam a totla reck this days and I really don't know what to do. She told me the only reason she bought a home is because she was tired of renting and got a good deal,bu tthis where the plans we had made together so I thought but this is all a joke to her. I told her on an email that I hated her and wanted her to drop dead and to pls not calling ever again. She said she promise me that she is not going to call again, and that her intentions are not to play with me but how can I believe a liar. Please help me out here I really need advice bad.

Brokenheart.

[LONESOUL]

Brokenheart 32, I'm sorry to hear you are hurting and maybe a little confused. I was with my ex for 7 years. I can tell you this, without trust you have nothing. If you cannot trust her, regardless of anything else, eventually it will fall apart. I think you should consider going back to NC. I stayed in NC for 40 days (my ex and I broke up about 4 months ago) It helped me so much just focus on myself. I know it's a tough thing to do, but I think maybe you should try it again.

Take good Care,

Lone

[brokenheart32]

Thank you lonesoul that is what Iam planning to do even if it kills me. I know she is going to let time go by and call me again because Iam like a lil puppet to her that she controls when ever she wants. So yes I have to go back to NC.

 

Than you so much.

[LONESOUL]

I understand where you are coming from. NC won't kill you, but it can be painful, as can be the whole process. If she calls again, don't answer.

Delete her number if you call her at all, remove her e-mail address, whatever

method of contact you think she may use, block it.

My ex likes to be controlling and play games as well. It's a very painful game

that is sometimes played. NC will give you space to take the time to really sort out everything you have felt and are feeling and it will provide the space needed for the healing to begin. Hang in there!

[brokenheart32]

Yeah I know is going to take sometime, what really hurts me the most is why come back into my life to just make it even worst for me. Sometimes I even think she enjoys doing this, I had to seak Therapy for all this crap and my counseller tells me she is the type of person that likes to be in control, and since she knows she has this power over me that is why she do this. But yes I did deleted her from all my contact and now Iam maybe going to change my phone number. So I just have to try to be stronger I can lied to you but I still am in love with this eveil woman. I really do think she needs some help because she has some serious issues, but the crazy thing is that she is bringing me down with her whole crazyness, because sometimes I don't even know wheather iam coming or going this is really driving me insane. Sorry if Iam coming on to strong about my feelings but I really need to vent and let this all out.

[Lost1n7heDark]

That really is a hard thing to go through. I don't really have the experience you have had, but I think I may know what you're talking about. When you love someone so much and they just break you when you thought you could trust them. Deleting her from your contact list was a good idea. I hope that you stay strong through all of the lies that she had told you, and I think if you ever do see her again, try to feel nothing for her.

 

She isn't worthy of your pain. She is more worthy of your pity. Someone who wastes a relationship with lies is pitiful, and doesn't understand the meaning of love. You are strong, and I admire that. Don't let her get to you.

 

Good luck to you.