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I feel violated read I need advice


AdriSnow
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I am currently getting my ged. I am attending class to brush up. Today The princibl pulls me out of class and tells me to take a walk with him. He tell me if i Know that I'm very pretty. I give him a weird face. Then he says some people have a problem with my female anatiamy. I ask is there somthign wrong with my attire. And I ask him what. I say it it my stomach showing he says no. I ask if i maybe had to small of shorts on. No. I say well it can;t be my shoulder they are covered. Well what he says some teachers are complaning about whaTS BETWEEN you shoulders and stomach. I'm sightly confused. My {Mod Edit}?. .. Let me stop here and say I have smalllll boobies I don't exactly have many bra's and they are very unconfertable to me. I wear full covering shirts and MY hair is lower than my boobs. they don;t show much ...... He says yes. He says he has no problem with it at all. But other people have been commenting about my {Mod Edit}!. The he asks me to wear a bra. Then he asks what I am doing over the WEEKEND. I say going to my father, sir. THe he starts talkin about his house. I excuse myself walk away. Pack my things and leave class.

Tell me if that is a violation of my privacy or something perverted telling me i need to start wearing bras. No where in the school dress code does it say women much wear undergarments to avoid their nipples showing.

Tell mE SOMETHING PLEASE. This is trippin ME out!

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That sounds like a grey area. It might not be covered by law, but nipples-through-fabric is an ethical consideration, and one the schools have always taken very seriously.

 

Though that principal could have approached it far more tactfully, at the very least he should have gotten a female teacher to talk to you about it, as it is you could probably make a run at sexual harrasment based on that conversation. I feel kind of sorry for teachers these days...

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Two issues here. First, schools have a right to impose a dress code and that can include wearing a bra.

 

But he should have brought that up in the office and with a female present. The most concern is him going on to ask what you are doing over the weekend and saying you are very pretty. What was that all about?

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I can see why you'd be uncomfortable. He went about it the wrong way.

 

He should have used more direct, professional language.

 

He could have said:

 

"I have been getting complaints that people can see through your shirt, and I think it's important that you are aware of it, and that it's not appropriate for school"

 

The he asks me to wear a bra. Then he asks what I am doing over the WEEKEND. I say going to my father, sir. THe he starts talkin about his house.

 

This was probably because he felt uncomfortable and wanted to change topics and keep things friendly.

 

 

Tell me if that is a violation of my privacy or something perverted telling me i need to start wearing bras.

 

Honestly, I don't think it's a violation of privacy. It's not too private if people can see your nipples through your clothes. For some people that may be uncomfortable and distracting. It's also not good in a school environment. It's the equivalent of a high school aged-guy coming to school with tight spandex pants on so that you could see the outline of his genitals. It would probably get him reprimanded too.

 

They cannot force you to wear a bra, of course. That's your choice- but I can see why they would want to inform you that you can see through your shirt. You have other options to solve this: An undershirt/layers, thicker shirts, a sports bra, etc. Breast size is not the issue here, anyone can have their breasts too visible through shirts, regardless of size.

 

He tell me if i Know that I'm very pretty

 

Again, not a good way to go about this. But in his mind, this was probably a compliment which he thought would keep you from getting offended or from making you feel bad about yourself.

 

From what you describe, I don't think he's a pervert with ill intentions. I think he was put in an uncomfortable situation- but as principal- he HAD to do something about it. The problem is that he was not very tactful about it.

 

I can see his point about appropriate dress for school, and I can see your point and why you would feel uncomfortable with the way it was handled.

 

I think the best solution is to heed the advice given. You don't have to wear a bra to do that- just be more consious of how your tops might look and if anything is showing through.

 

 

BellaDonna

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You don't have to wear a bra, but maybe putting bandaids over your nipples to make them less obvious. I think its a odd request, since some women even with bras and shirts have protruding nipples so its not exactly a realistic thing to expect all women to have perfectly smooth bust lines.

 

I'd say keep an eye out for him acting oddly, but only do anything if he continues to act oddly or inappropriately.

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I can see why you would be uncomfortable with this, I would be too!

 

Schools have a right to ask you to do something if other students have complained about it. And somebody had to tell you about it.

 

I don't think he went about it the right way. But it's possible that he was just really uncomfortable and felt like complimenting you wouldn't make you feel so bad about what he was going to tell you.

 

But that's still not a good thing to say as a principal.

 

I would say that for now just keep a close eye on him. If he EVER says anything else to you that might come off as harassment, let somebody know.

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His remarks were unprofessional and alarming. In most schools the dress code addresses issues such as clothing which is revealing or inappropriate. Now if you are wearing a white or light colored shirt or a shirt which would be considered sheer, then yes you should wear a bra.

 

His approach however was all wrong. He should of had a female teacher address the issue with you in private or with him present. His other remarks were suggestive and I would talk to your parents about what he said and how he made you feel.

 

RC

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Ah! So weird!

This morning something sort of similar happened to me.

 

The hoodie and tank top I was wearing didn't show anything, it was a bit low cut but my boobs are so small (only A's )

 

I was talking to some of my guy friends when this lady teacher glared at me called me over. She was so rude, saying my "blouse" was too low and asking me my name and telling me I had to get one of the schools PE shirts to cover up (eeuuww!) I just lied and told her I had a jacket in my locker I could put on.

 

She then said, "And you may think it's nice having all those young men's attention but I can tell you the second you walk away they'll be saying some very unpleasant things about you!" What a stupid woman.

 

This really upset me but I just walked away. She thinks my guy friends are just some guys I'm trying to get attention from? She doesn't even KNOW me!

 

And my tiny boobs were hardly visible and aren't at all attention grabbing.

 

I told my friends about this (girl friends, mentioning your boobs makes guys think they have an excuse to stare at your chest for 5 minutes )and they all cracked up because my top wasn't revealing and all the girls who were, well...gifted in that area and show it and girls with really short skirts didn't get called out even though there were plenty around.

 

But that must have been awkward for you. And imagine how awkward it was for him.

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Dear Adri,

I am sorry to hear this happened.

this man was very much in the wrong. I would speak to a female professional person who you trust and in complete confidence. This person needs to treat students correctly it is none of his business what you do on the weekend. Keep a record of this conversation so you can take it to someone if you decide to report him.

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