For Every Parent... (or anyone who wants to weigh in)

[n83]

Parents,

What do you think it takes to raise a child drug free? I was watching Dr. Phil (don't laugh!!) and there was this thing about teenagers who were tripping on Robitussin, dealing and doing drugs, etc... As a parent I know there are a million things I am already terrified of happening to my son, and I have my own ideas as to how I am going to approach the drugs and alcohol lecture as he ages.

 

Obviously, it starts with parenting though.. what do you think makes a happy and self confident child? How can a parent decrease a child's likelihood to use drugs, or engage in any other harmful behaviors?

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Well ive been raised with out drungs and i never want to do them.At school ( in welfare) they make us do so mant activites about not doing drugs and my mum just told me ( and still does ) not to use them

[sumguy]

I honestly don't know what my parents did... they've always been very open about drugs, never keeping it a closet subject, more like a dinner table conversation. My mum recalls stories of when she got stoned and high, sometimes only hours before work...

 

...and in the same breath, how dangerous they are, how badly they ruin your health, how they cost her two jobs and made her crash once... And knowing all that, I've never done any drug, or even been tempted or considered doing drugs - and I've had the opportunity.

 

I think you just have to be open, and make your kids understand just how bad they are.

[aymee_lee]

I don't think there are any easy answers. I think it comes down to the person's personality, but a fundamental part of it that can't be changed.

 

My mum was open about drugs but also about their dangers. My brother and I both knew what was right and wrong, brought up in the same household by the same parent...

 

I have NEVER touched drugs, I don't smoke and I rarely drink alcohol. My brother suffered from drug addiction for 10 years. You tell me.

[rightfromthestart]

how are u and lindsay doing?

 

i hope u both are well and know u can call anytime if u need to ok?

 

stay kewl

[southerngirl]

Tough one.

 

My mom used to smoke pot when she was alive, it was like a dirty little secret that she wouldnt discuss with us kids.

 

So we knew about it. Its funny, my brother has NEVER done any drugs he thinks they are disgusting... where as I was the opposite and would experament with pot however, I do not do it anymore... Let me make that clear.

 

AT some point when I had my oldest child @ age 20 I grew up. I had to. For me that meant giving all that up because I do not want my son to do this.

 

As for what to say to my kids about it? How much do I tell them about my own experiances? I really dont know... This is something that is also very much on my mind.

 

As it is, I have told my 8 year old that drugs are bad and ruin lives. Thats about as detailed as we have got so far but they discuss this at school also, and I know that a cop came to talk to his 3rd grade class about drugs.. and told them that druggies end up in jail and showed them pictures of drug addicts, had him quite shook up. I told him thats why you do not want to do drugs.

[BornToResist]

I am worried about the same thing. I'm pregnant and don't have a child yet, but the father of my baby does drugs. I am so terrified that he will have more of an influence than I will.

 

I grew up in a loving household with all the right morals and I still experimented. However I always looked up my older brother when I was little, who just so happened to be a druggie.

[Daddy Bear]

sadly, i don't think you can give your child the freedom s/he needs to grow into a healthy adult without some risk of him/her turning to drugs. however, studies have shown that those who are involved in extracurricular school activities and/or community-based activities (read: baseball) are statistically less likely to take the fall.

[now_better]

hillary clinton published a book a few years ago called "it takes a village" about raising kids in society. i've never read it, but the premise of the book is very much true in raising healthy, good kids. kids are exposed to so much stuff nowadays: internet, tv, etc, it doesn't take very much to corrupt them. so parents have to take an active role in their life: guiding them, seeing who they make friends with, setting positive examples with actions.

 

and nothing really replaces time spent with kids. i think time is just about the most precious thing you can give them. i think time with them builds trust so when you say something a) they're more likely to listen, b) they'll turn to you when they have problems. this is my personal experience from watching my little cousin grow from when i knew him a few months from birth to his current age of 14.

 

so pay attention to their lives, be a positive factor and i think they'll be okay.

[n83]

I just always thought .. I would be honest with him about it, tell him what using drugs did to me personally, and make it a trust issue... show him what happens to kids who use..

 

I guess what started this thread is that I watched Dr. Phil (don't laugh) yesterday and on the show were kids that were experimenting with all sorts of drugs, especially over the counter ones. I mean, Robitussin!!! How do you prevent your kid from ODing on Robitussin?!

 

Being a parent is hard I don't have a clue how on earth I would handle something bad happening to my son

 

He's only 3 and I dread his teenage years

Teenagers are dumb, I can't even believe some of the things I hear of them doing... I mean I did stuff as a teen, but not that!!!!!!

[BornToResist]

I know what you mean...teenages seem to be hitting a whole new peak.

 

Have you heard of that "passout" game the kids started playing? They wrap a cord around their neck until they pass out and they think it's fun! Or their friend would kinda strangle them until they passed out...I could not believe it. Some kids died from it. (I think I saw it on Dr.Phil or another similar show lol)

 

How are you supposed to prevent things like that when you just would assume they would understand how bad of an idea it is? I'm so worried when it comes to being a parent...

[southerngirl]

yes I saw that yesterday and I watched the show on the 'passout' game. Both on Doc Phil LOL

 

I am worried too. Fact is no matter how well we teach our children about the dangers of drugs etc they still would make their own choices in the matter. Its like this friend I had in highschool.... her parents didnt do drugs or smoke cigarettes nothing liek that. yet she smoked pot, she drank, she did extasy pills... U name it she tried it. nothing her parents said made one bit of difference either. I often wonder what became of her because last I heard she was living a wild life.

[ImThatGirl]

The passout game has always been around. I remember my friends playing it 10 years ago.

 

I worry about this too. Alchoholism runs in both my family and my sons dad is a true alcholic/drug addict. My son is only six; my daughter is three. What I've done so far. Insist that my son's father step up to the plate and be a positive influence on him or none (or barely any) at all. I only allow my son to visit a few hours a week.

 

My son already realizes that there is something different about Daddy. I can tell he knows he can't fully trust his dad. My son has no idea what drugs are. He's only six, I want him to enjoy life rather than worry. As my children get older, I plan to discuss what drugs are and what the consequences of drugs are. I experimented (or maybe a little more than experimented - it was all acceptable to my parents) as a teenager. I will never - tell my children of my experiences. I don't want them to think "well if you did it and turned out well, I can try it."

 

Beyond that, I plan to ensure my kids know they can talk to me about anything. I plan for my kids to have faith and trust in me and hopefully never turn to loneliness and drugs. And if they do seem to be going down the wrong path, I'll probably be psycho mom that never lets them out of my sight!

[ImThatGirl]

Forgot to mention, I moved to a town that is more positive than the small town we lived in. Hopefully less negative influence and more activities to keep them away from it.

[jengh]

That's really hard. I grew up in a very loving family, my parents still married and relatively well off. But, as much as they opposed, I still expirimented with drugs (I haven't done anything in years now). I don't think there's really any one thing you can do to keep your kid from NEVER trying anything. In today's world, it almost seems like a part of growing up. Even the smartest, well-rounded kids at the highschool I went to expirimented. Just be very open with your child, expressing you understand the peer pressure, but drugs are not the solution to popularity. That's such a tough call....

[n83]

I am sure he will want to experiment, but it scares me.. I mean, what's to stop him from becoming an addict? A couple posts mentioned that they were worried about a genetic tendency in their kids, and yes that does play a role, but your environment can make a huge difference...

 

BornToResist - Yeah I saw that whole choking thing that kids do... a while back there was also an Oprah episode about "rainbow" parties (a sex party where girls put on different color lipstick and all go down on the same guys to get a "rainbow").. what the hell is that?! OMG... If you're a parent, are you better off knowing your son is participating in something like that, or would you rather not know?

 

Basically I've been terrified since I was pregnant

[jengh]

I know what you mean...teenages seem to be hitting a whole new peak.

 

How are you supposed to prevent things like that when you just would assume they would understand how bad of an idea it is? I'm so worried when it comes to being a parent...

 

I cant BELIEVE how young these kids are who are already expirimenting with various illegal substances. I live in a small, affluent community with genuinely good people but here are FIFTH graders smoking pot! By 8th grade, some are doing coke. It's unbelievable to me. I didn't even know what pot was in 8th grade. I don't know what I'm going to do when I have my own kids someday. Im going to be a wreck. I know what havoc I caused on my parents. With that generation, who knows what things will be like...

[jengh]

I am sure he will want to experiment, but it scares me.. I mean, what's to stop him from becoming an addict? A couple posts mentioned that they were worried about a genetic tendency in their kids, and yes that does play a role, but your environment can make a huge difference...

 

BornToResist - Yeah I saw that whole choking thing that kids do... a while back there was also an Oprah episode about "rainbow" parties (a sex party where girls put on different color lipstick and all go down on the same guys to get a "rainbow").. what the hell is that?! OMG... If you're a parent, are you better off knowing your son is participating in something like that, or would you rather not know?

 

Basically I've been terrified since I was pregnant

 

 

Oh my god...I've never heard of the rainbow parties. That is INSANE. So scary... I'm only 19 and haven't heard of half the things middle/high school kids are doing. Things have changed so drastically in 2 years.

[n83]

Yeah the kids having the rainbow party were like, 13.. I mean,... gah..!!!

 

So for anyone who's interested, I have this plan for use if I ever find out my son is smoking cigarettes. What is my plan, you ask?? Easy.

 

I'm gonna light up right along with him.

 

He is going to grow up knowing that I already have severe medical problems. Me smoking could cause a lot of medical problems, now and in the long term, and he's going to know that. And if he lights up, I will light up. Every time he smokes, I will smoke too, and I will let him know I'm doing it. I'll tell him that I will keep smoking until he stops because if something happens to him, it happens to me, too. I will light up right in his face and scare the crap out of him. He will know that his actions are putting me (and himself) at risk, and I will keep it up until he gets the point.

 

I honestly think if my parents had ever done that to me, I would have quit smoking then and there, because if my parents (who are VERY anti smoking) had lit up just to prove a point, it would have affected me pretty bad to see how desperate they were to make me see how gross it is

[justpaisley]

Let's see... my dad did drugs CONSTANTLY, everything he could get his hands on, and I just didn't see the allure. He stopped actually smoking weed in front of me when I was about 10, figuring that was a bad influence, I guess, but I think that watching my dad smoke weed, hearing him cough, seeing how we suffered financially because of his habit - that just really took the fun out of it for me. Besides, I like being in control of myself, and drugs and alcohol take that away from you.

 

My plan is just to stay involved. I watched Dr. Phil yesterday (and every other day except today because I don't care about his son getting married). C'mon now, you've got to think that somehow, that funny-haired kid's mom knew what was going on when her kid had more money than she did. She was in absolute denial. I think a lot of parents just don't get as involved in their kids' lives as they should, and the kids suffer. By getting involved, I mean knowing who my kids hang out with, where they're going, what they're doing, what their grades are, what they're like in school, etc. When I made the decision to be a stay-at-home mom, I didn't do it just so I could have cookies baked when my kid comes home from school. I did it so I could throw every ounce of myself into the raising of my kid. This IS my career, and it's the most important thing I could imagine doing.

 

I also don't plan on letting my children have individual computers, or allowing them to be on computers that I can't walk by to monitor what they're doing. No way in hell will I have a daughter meeting some putz on myspace, "falling in love" with him, and running away from home to be with him.

 

Yeah, anyway, back to drugs. If I somehow fail and my kid does decide to experiment with drugs, I am a firm believer in tough love. Take away the car keys, the cell phone, Internet privileges, and anything else they might have earned. If they feel like getting loaded, they have to face the consequences.

 

I may seem extremely overbearing and iron-fisted, but I've seen the fallout numerous times in my own family from lax attitudes on drugs. My half-sister decided that she'd smoke weed, and her mom thought it was okay because she did it too, so they started lighting up together. My sister is now a giant loser, and got pregnant by a loser, and will most likely remain on the public dole for the rest of her life, and my niece will be the victim, just like my sister was. My sister never knew consequences; my child will.

[justpaisley]

Yeah the kids having the rainbow party were like, 13.. I mean,... gah..!!!

 

Ugh, no kidding. I was a little... precocious as a child. Thankfully, I never had intercourse until I was married, but I started drinking when I was 12 and fooled around with 3 guys in one night. I slowed down when I turned 13, and didn't get drunk again till I was 19. When I think of how grown-up I thought I was when I was messing around with those guys at the age of 12!!!! it just baffles me.

[n83]

I think a lot of parents just don't get as involved in their kids' lives as they should, and the kids suffer.

 

Paisley

I think you are TOTALLY right about this.. parents who have no idea who their kids' friends, teachers, acquaintances are... where they go at night.. yeah, those kids will get in trouble. It definitely helps if your kid knows you're keeping a watchful eye over them. I don't think your post shows you are overbearing at all.. that's the way I want to be with my son, tough, but fair and involved.

 

I don't buy how that mom just didn't see the signs.. I'd move hell and earth myself if I ever thought my son was doing that crap.. I wouldn't just lay back and let it happen. Oh, hell no. I'd be his #1 harasser if I saw him slipping up like that.

[BrokenWingedFaery]

I think that openness, honesty, keeping high (but realistic) standards for your children, being supportive and trust in the parent/child relationship tend to make for drug-free kids.

 

Openness on the parents' part leads to a greater chance of openness on the kids' part.

 

Honesty in the parent teaches the kid that being honest is the right way to be.

 

Trust is imperative in any relationship. If your child can trust you, they're more likely to come to you and tell you if they're worried about something or have tried something.

 

Keeping realistic standards for your kids (and having the same standards for yourself) gives them a framework, I mean this in both morals and school/work stuff. Things like being punctual, telling the truth and such, when enforced from a young age become habits, and those habits will likely help them make better choices simply because drug use doesn't help them continue those habits.

 

Being supportive is also VERY IMPORTANT! Possibly the most inportant thing in any relationship other than trust. When/if your kid comes to you with a problem or a feeling, listen and try to be supportive and who'll pay attention to them-because if you're won't do those things, they'll find someone who will. I did. That someone molested me.

 

I hope I'm making sense in this post, I'm very tired at the moment.

[micy226]

Well, I have only tried pot and I've never been like puking drunk (and had a hangover twice).

 

What my mom did, was anytime anything about drugs or alcohol came up in the newspaper or tv, she DRILLED it into my brain that "kids who start drinking early become addicted more easily" and "your brain isn't fully developed as a teen and if you drink or do drugs you could permanently damage your brain or stunt your brains growth" also "the first time you try ecstasy you could die, it has happened" and "pot is a gateway drug" (but pot isn't actually a gateway drug, its probably more of a starter drug, cause I tried it and I'm not all over drugs) also that heroin is highly addictive...etc.

 

I have also in my college/adult life done work with addicts, and from what I can see that - no offense to addicts - but their lives suck. Their children are taken away, sometimes for good - they commit felonies (DUI) and have to deal with drug tests, parole officers, not getting a job - it's hard to not relapse and its hard to recover and its hard to make a living.

 

I would look up some serious facts (don't try to flat out scare them out of it, but with my mother being pretty insistent, I got the message) and put together a sort of outline for what you want to say. And repeat this message whenever it comes up. You'll kid will act annoyed, but their listening. Those anti-drug ads are true, you kids will listen even when they look like their not listening.

 

Oh yeah and don't be too slack, cause the kids that stay out too late for their age, have no strict set of rules are the ones who go and drink, smoke, etc.

[aymee_lee]

I think people have made some excellent points. But I think that it all depends on the child. As I have said, I NEVER touched drungs or alcohol really, and yet my brother did. I never did it because I knew it was WRONG (drugs, not neccessarily alcohol, everything in moderation and all that) and my brother knew it was wrong as well, but he STILL DID IT.

 

I don't know why. I have asked him many times. He just said 'I wanted to try it'. And there's no logical way to get around that. If kids want to try it, they will. And you can't be everywhere your kids are. My mum knew our friends, our friends' parents but that doesn't stop kids doing the wrong thing. My bother used to leave in the middle of the night- what do you do? She tried to keep him where she could watch him at all times, but you can't physically do that.

 

When I was studying to become a welfare worker, I learnt that kids aren't lead astray by other kids without their own will, rather, they are attracted to friendship with kids who have traits they find attractive. That is, kids who think drugs and danger are fun will find other kids who think the same way. I always avoided kids like that because I didn't want to be around people who did those things. And, If you force your kids to stop seeing kids you don't like, they'll possibly do it behind your back anyway.

 

I'm not saying 'Kids will do the wrong thing no matter what so give up' I'm just saying that sometimes all the preparation and warnings in the world won't work for every child. What will work, is always being there for your child. Out of, lets say 10 of my brothers undesirble friends who did drugs and got into trouble, several died, many still do drugs, and/or are thieves and the rest are on unemployment with their kids suffering because of it. My brother is the only one of that group who has a steady job and is doing something with his life (even if it did take a few years to get there).

 

The most important thing- never give up on your kids. Even when they are at their lowest point, that's when they need you to pick them up again.