any thoughts about this?

[rightfromthestart]

hi there E-folk,

 

i would like to get some advice on marriage. first some background, about three months ago, i met this wonderful woman and well, things just clicked in the way two people do that have gone thru similiar experiences and have a similiar background. we are the same age, make the same amount of money, her kids and mine hit it off right away, we communicate and work thru everything and we are planning a life together. we both took care of the fininacial side of things early in life so that is not a problem and our kids are getting close to the age where they will be chillaxing with their friends more than with us so her and i have planned to take a winter vacation to paris and i hahve been thinking, what an opportunity that would be to 'pop' the question. the only thing that is bothering me is that we both have decided to buy a cottage this summer. i was wondering if doing both in such a short span of time, would it take the 'luster' off the the paris experinece too soon or should i push back the cottage thing until next fall.

 

any thoughts?

[Aschleigh]

3 months is pretty quick to know you want to get married, regardless of the other stuff you are planning.

I would wait until the honeymoon period is over to start planning a wedding, especially since there are kids involved.

Why not buy the cottage, get everyone living together for a while and see how that is?

[Batya33]

I would say wait until you have been dating at least 6 months and do not involve the kids too much until that time - and do not have her kids live with the two of you until you are married.

[vesper]

they say that good things always happen in threes. , trip to paris, proposal, cottage.

you are spot on.

[rightfromthestart]

i would definity agree that 3 months is too early but we have some wisdom and experience behind us. and by the time that actually happens, we will be close to 7 months together. i am more worried about rushing from one thing to the other. i've spent a good chunk of life doing what was needed to take care of business and now i think its time to relax a bit and enjoy life.

 

btw, we are both musicians [she's waaaaaaaaaaaay better than i am] and we are going away this weekend so i was thinking about bringing it up then.

[Shadows Light]

Paris... Wow.. how absolutely romantic.

 

I don't know... sounds to good to be true and too soon to know. But then again what do I know... thats my perspective on the whole marriage biz.

 

How does she feel about marriage in general? Is she jaded.. has she fully recovered?

[rightfromthestart]

too short to carry the weight of being jaded around...marriage is not the piece of paper u receive or the laws and contracts that come along with it, it is the acknowledgement of faith in belief in one another. and, there is no rule book on this stuff. i read once where david susuki was giving a lecture at u of bc and a woman in the crowd asked him a question. she later came over and asked him to sign her copy of his book. he said he would only if she went on a date with him. she agreed. they rented a cabin in the interior of bc and he proposed that weekend. they have 4 great kids and have been married for over 35 years. endless possibilities. just keep the mind open and don't create your own roadblocks.

[assumeLove]

So, you're thinking of proposing after you've known each other for 7 months and buying real estate together 5 or 6 months after that, after you're married? Why not? Having a place you own together that didn't come from either of your pre-marriage lives should help strengthen the marriage.

 

Buying a place together before you marry would be crazy, especially with two sets of kids involved.