I'm so lost and confused...

[jaiva]

Long story short. I broke up w/ my boyfriend, of 2 years and a couple months, about 2 months ago now. Look at previous threads I started to get most of the story. We've been going back and forth on this whole NC thing. I still love him I just can't be in a relationship with someone who makes things more important than me. I can't be with someone who blows me off on important events. etc. etc.

So we broke up.

 

Yesterday, I told him that it would be a lot easier for me if he would just leave me alone. I didn't exist in his world so he shouldn't exist in mine. He asked if that was my final answer and I told him he finalized my answer when he made his dance team more important than me.

 

Well he just called me about an hour ago to tell me that his grandfather passed today. He said that he told me, a while back, that if something was going on w/ his family then he would let me know and he hung up. Well after talking to my sister and my mom who both told me to call him and tell him that I'm available if he needs me to be. I called him. I let him know that my prayers are with him and his family and that if he needs to talk then I'm available. And of course I got the whatever response that I expected, which was why I didn't want to call back in the first place. I didn't want what I had to say to seem superficial or that I was just saying it b/c that's "what ur supposed to say". I really do care. I will grately miss his grandfather.

 

But another thing is that there was a loss in my family just 2 days ago. My little cousin's baby passed from SIDS. And that kinda hit home because my twin died from SIDS. My grandmother had a child that died from SIDS and My cousin's mom had a child who died from SIDS. And I found out earlier today that one of my close friend's grandfather died yesterday.

 

So like the title says. I'm so lost and confused... Don't know what to say or how to say it. And I know that if I lost my nana no one could say anything that would make a difference. So I don't want to just be letting out hot air by trying to be caring. I don't want to waste my breath.

 

And I want to go to the funeral. But I don't want to have that weird feeling because I'm his ex. I just don't know. I can use some advice.

 

Jaiva

 

[iceman85]

I dont get this, if you still love him why dont you talk over your differences and see what is there if anything?

 

I think going to the funeral would be a little hard for you to do since your ex would probably be cold to you and it would be hard and akward more so than it already would be.

 

My ex tells me to leave her alone and to forget about her yet she always intiatiates contact with me, and ive not been able to go a week of NC without her going crazy contacting me, I just dont get it, if you care for someone why hide that. I know there may have been something that was bad in the relationship but cant that be overcome?

[jaiva]

We have tried to work things out. We've tried to talk things out but it only seems to get worse the more we talk. And we only talk when he wants to talk so he'll contact me and then when he can't deal with the conversation anymore he'll end the conversation and then we'll talk 2 weeks later once he initiates conversation. And I can't deal with that either. Either we're going to talk about it or we're not. I can't do it on his schedule when he's ready to talk and just not talk when he doesn't want to. But as more time passes it just gets easier and easier to just let it all go. I love him but we just don't see eye to eye anymore.

 

About the funeral. I wouldn't be going for him. I'd be going for me. And his family still claims me. So his family would embrace me even if he didn't. After I called him and he gave me the whatever attitude his sister called me less than 2 mins afterwards so that she could talk to me.

 

Jaiva

 

[iceman85]

Then go to the funeral if its for you and his family, its going to be hard to see him there though and what if he tries to approach you?

 

I think you should tell him exactly what you just posted about how you want to talk but not on his schedule.

 

You see for some reason I seem like i've been in his situation before with trying to talk to my ex and she'll be testy and I get frustrated and just dont want to continue talking. Its not that I didnt want to talk, its just that I dont want to cold attitude, I dont want her to make me feel worse than I already do. She seems to be open some days and shut others, and its confusing and hurtful. I know I will avoid talking for awhile if we have a bad conversation, I dont want things to get worse.

 

If you guys have really tried to work it out and it just isnt then I guess thats all you can do is try, if it wont work it wont.