super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 ok my ex says she wants to be friends with me, that she at least wants that out of me....shes the one that broke up with me mind u... so anyways keeping it nice and short, my friends have told me shes just doing this to ease her guilt towards me, n if i want any sorta healthy friendship in the future or possibility of a future realationship again that i should cut her out n give it time to make her realise.... now ladies out there on enotalone tell me have u done this to a guy with not really having intentions of being friends? was it to ease pain of the dumpee? an to ease your guilt trip? Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 You should make the decision based on what is best for YOU. I don't know what her true intentions are. But I would speculate that she only wants a friendship with you. Do you think your friends' assessment of her intentions are correct? If you do, then I would cut her out and move on. Do what is best for you. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 so anyways keeping it nice and short, my friends have told me shes just doing this to ease her guilt towards me, n if i want any sorta healthy friendship in the future or possibility of a future realationship again that i should cut her out n give it time to make her realise.... now ladies out there on enotalone tell me have u done this to a guy with not really having intentions of being friends? was it to ease pain of the dumpee? an to ease your guilt trip? Your friends are geniuses... I believe she also may be wanting to ease the separation, let things down easy by "settling" for a "friendship". She also may not want to "throw away" what you guys have together. You've got to give it time and distance. Period. Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Your friends are geniuses... I believe she also may be wanting to ease the separation, let things down easy by "settling" for a "friendship". She also may not want to "throw away" what you guys have together. You've got to give it time and distance. Period. lol oh man when u say "throw away" its exactly wut she has said to me already "your a big part in my life and i dont wanna throw it away" "i want us to be friends cause id rather u be in my life in that way that not in it at all" gimme a break, n i notice that when i pop online on my msn i wont msg her but she will msg me trying to talk to me, an kinda gets edgy when i wont talk... always askin why im mad at her an not to lie.... i ask her how she knows if im mad or not, and she says she senses it.... me the smarta$$ i am say ohhh ur spidey sense is tingling lol i no i no lol Link to comment
sfindependent Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 this is good thread... i am going thorugh the same thing... being friends suck! no nookie. no commitment, millions other guys on her phone book now... yeesh. Link to comment
enolaton Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I agree with friscodj... Listen to your friends... they are wise beyond their years... Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 lol oh man when u say "throw away" its exactly wut she has said to me already "your a big part in my life and i dont wanna throw it away" "i want us to be friends cause id rather u be in my life in that way that not in it at all" gimme a break, n i notice that when i pop online on my msn i wont msg her but she will msg me trying to talk to me, an kinda gets edgy when i wont talk... always askin why im mad at her an not to lie.... i ask her how she knows if im mad or not, and she says she senses it.... me the smarta$$ i am say ohhh ur spidey sense is tingling lol i no i no lol I have heard those 2 lines sooooo many times. And in some senses, take them as compliments because you did impact her life in a positive way and she realizes that. But she is also mad because she can't have what she wants! Do you know how often this happens! She doesn't want to hurt, are you kidding me? She doesn't want to face the reality that you are gone. No way. She wants whatever she wants from you whenever she wants it and when you don't give it to her, she gets mad. She wants you wrapped right around her pinky finger. This is immature, selfish, disrespectful to you and disgusting! Situations like this are a dime for 2 dozen my friend. You said it exactly, "Gimmie a break". And you get that break by ceasing to fan the fire here by being smart with her and just disa-freaking-ppear man... Link to comment
joyce1412 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 lol oh man when u say "throw away" its exactly wut she has said to me already "your a big part in my life and i dont wanna throw it away" "i want us to be friends cause id rather u be in my life in that way that not in it at all" yep, she doesn't get to downgrade her relationship to you as she pleases. it doesn't work that way. wow, she wants to be your friend after refusing a love relationship and breaking your heart? lucky you! the funny thing is, i'd be willing to bet you have a female friend or two who would love to date you right now. in my case, when my ex broke up with me i literally had half a dozen guys i already knew come out of the woodwork and try to date me. whether my ex realized it or not, i was a catch. you are, too. so let her walk away, and only be her friend if you really want to. show her the door. i'm sure you've got, or will have, plenty of prospects, so if she doesn't want you, good riddance. there are plenty of others who do, and they would love your time and attention, whereas your ex only wants these SOME of the time, on her terms. screw that. Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 thats what ive done, if she happens to msg me or contact me sum how it will be extremly minimal, cause i noticed when i talk to her i would end up at ground zero, id feel worthless, my heart would be in pain, head would throb, and all i wanted was to get back with her, but honestly i dont need that, its not healthy...i would just see how shes trying so hard to be friends but yet i cant deal with that yet, i need my seperation to heal up b4 i can start that ive had a friend go throu it, they didnt talk for 6 monthes and now there slowly getn into the friendship thing, cause she contacted him(she was the one to break it off) there taking there time at it and leaving the past in the past hey if she realises she made a mistake then good on her.... it will be up to me tho if i wanna give it another go, but ill definitly be smarter about things.. n in all honesty i think doing this will eat her up inside...but i dont wanna jump the gun and get cocky about it... i just need to get my confidence back and raise it now Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 the funny thing is, i'd be willing to bet you have a female friend or two who would love to date you right now. in my case, when my ex broke up with me i literally had half a dozen guys i already knew come out of the woodwork and try to date me. whether my ex realized it or not, i was a catch. you are, too. lol well i wouldnt go that far lol.... like i said i have to get my confidence back cause i lack it to the extreme now.... and because i was with my ex for 6 years i cut out other girls so i gotta start from scratch.. ](*,) Link to comment
joyce1412 Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 can you commit to doing total NC? i don't see how talking to her at all is going to get you anywhere. cut her off and show her that you don't have time for her games. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 thats what ive done, if she happens to msg me or contact me sum how it will be extremly minimal, cause i noticed when i talk to her i would end up at ground zero, id feel worthless, my heart would be in pain, head would throb, and all i wanted was to get back with her, but honestly i dont need that, its not healthy...i would just see how shes trying so hard to be friends but yet i cant deal with that yet, i need my seperation to heal up b4 i can start that This is profound bro. People 2-3 times your age still haven't figured this out. You've learned a lot from this. Nice job... Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 can you commit to doing total NC? i don't see how talking to her at all is going to get you anywhere. cut her off and show her that you don't have time for her games. hmmmm... i probably could, but see everytime im on msn and she comes on she msgs me... i guess i could just block her, but lol i dont think i have the heart to do it.... but i kinda understand wut ur saying.... hell i could just be on apear offline and msg the ppl i want to.... and she would never no.... i think that would kill her inside always wondering where i am an wut im doing lol im so mean now Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 can you commit to doing total NC? i don't see how talking to her at all is going to get you anywhere. cut her off and show her that you don't have time for her games. The distance is for you bro. If you go into it with the mindset of "showing her" something, you are playing the games yourself, just using different "moves". If you keep playing these games by focusing the motivation of your actions on her, you'll stay in this holding pattern and won't be moving anywhere but in circles with this... Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 i guess i could just block her, but lol i dont think i have the heart to do it.... This is hurdle #1 and is necessary I think...do it... Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 This is profound bro. People 2-3 times your age still haven't figured this out. You've learned a lot from this. Nice job... bro nevermind i got the sense knocked into me at work today, this guy installed so much confidence in me and i was like wut the heck is wrong with me.... im better then this i dont need this crap... let her deal with it and have the break up eat her up inside not me! cause she would realise damn he is stronger then i thought... cause i no she thinks im needy to her.... n she broke up with me 2 weeks ago Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 bro nevermind i got the sense knocked into me at work today, this guy installed so much confidence in me and i was like wut the heck is wrong with me.... im better then this i dont need this crap... let her deal with it and have the break up eat her up inside not me! cause she would realise damn he is stronger then i thought... cause i no she thinks im needy to her.... n she broke up with me 2 weeks ago Bro, you must let go of putting the perspective of this situation on her. Everything you write is about letting her hurt, showing her things, etc. To really make progress towards a better place with this... Just drop it altogether! Walk away! She is gone. Let go of what she thinks, how much she hurt, how much this is eating away at her. It isn't about that at all. It is about you moving away from all of this... And that starts with your view of this situation in your mind... Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 i also think the fact that we talked everyday on the phone or in person is getting to her, id wake up and go to work every morning and call her cell and leave her a goodmorning msg every single day, n now its all gone, i think she kinda misses that and paniced... thats y the whole friendship thing came about Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 LOL ok ok ok ok i get ur point lol that is some big * * * * * letters lol..... works tho gets the point accross Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 im going into NC. period! Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 LOL ok ok ok ok i get ur point lol that is some big * * * * * letters lol..... works tho gets the point accross That was the intention... As long as you harbor these subtly angry, spiteful, feelings and ideas of "getting even" and "showing her something" in your head, wondering about her, how this affects her, and what she will do, you won't get anywhere but more of the same with this. Seriously, don't play the games, just leave the stadium... Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 That was the intention... As long as you harbor these subtly angry, spiteful, feelings and ideas of "getting even" and "showing her something" in your head, wondering about her, how this affects her, and what she will do, you won't get anywhere but more of the same with this. Seriously, don't play the games, just leave the stadium... yea i see wut ur saying.... by doing these games then when it truly comes down to it i never really heal cause im tryn to constantly get even... which in actuallity means i never get over her no? Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 yea i see wut ur saying.... by doing these games then when it truly comes down to it i never really heal cause im tryn to constantly get even... which in actuallity means i never get over her no? Exactly!!! Link to comment
super_dave0001 Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Exactly!!! LOL i have 1 more question..... my bday is comen up in november, n i no shes gonna end up saying sumtin on that day or wut not...in that case wut do i do? do i ignore it or say thx lol? Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 LOL i have 1 more question..... my bday is comen up in november, n i no shes gonna end up saying sumtin on that day or wut not...in that case wut do i do? do i ignore it or say thx lol? I think you should take this one day at a time. Focus on the here-and-now until you get some traction with this. Cross that bridge when you come to it... Link to comment
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