why does he ALWAYS procrastinate????????

[Yvette84]

ugh!!! I'm sooo sick of my boyfriend always procrastinating!!!! I mean am I over reacting??? that's kinda an important trait ya know? especially when you're married and share responsibilites!! I have talked to him numerous times about this and he says he'll try to work on it. but still! Anyone ever have any luck getting though to someone like this??? or have any of you males ever had a GF say something to you, that made you change????

[annie24]

what is he procrastinating about?

[southerngirl]

Yeah, Id think more info is needed, like what is he procrastinating about..

[Yvette84]

things he needs to get done so he can move here! he'll say "oh, i'm gonna sell my car and blah blah blah..." then I ask him if he did it, and he'll be like "no, I was playing video games w/my friend all day" or "sleeping"

[annie24]

do any of these things affect YOU directly? (Oh, edit! yes! otherwise, he can't move to see you!)

 

you're not his mother, it's not your responsbility to make sure he gets stuff done.

 

I agree, though, it is something to look out for. do you want to marry a guy you are going to have to nag to make sure he picks up the kids from school, or gets the car fixed?

 

I don't think you can do anything to change him. he has to want to change. there is nothing you can say or do that will make him get off his butt and do it. that has to come from himself.

 

just keep note, and if you find that he doesn't have the qualities you want, let him go.

[annie24]

do you think he is unsure of the relationship and stalling?

 

why do you think he is procrastinating?

[Yvette84]

no way! he is always talking about marriage and how he can't wait to be here with me. I think he's just lazy!! and thinks he can get stuff done in his own timing. I've ran into this problem with alot of guys. they just procrastinate alot!! I wouldn't dump him for it though, cuz it's his only major flaw and I love him to death. It's just something I can see causing problems in the future.

I hate feeling like i'm his mom! and I NEVER want to be a nag....but it seems impossible for it not to bug me when it DOES effect me!!!

[Batya33]

I don't think you nag him. You decide on your time limit for him moving here. When that time limit passes, you tell him you care a great deal about him, but that you cannot wait around any longer. If and when he decides to move here - whatever that takes - -he can call you and if you are still interested and available you will consider it. Until that time limit you say nothing and no longer discuss what he has to get done to move here. If he brings up the things he has to get done, say that you are aware of that, you have discussed it before, and there's nothing new and thereforeeee nothing more to say. Do not let it effect you -- and it won't once you decide on your drop dead date. He is not lazy - he is just not motivated for some reason and perhaps if you stop bringing it up and, on your drop dead date let him know you believe you have waited long enough, that you need to move on with your life with or without him, perhaps the procrastination will miraculously disappear.

 

what I would do is see if he procrastinates in his school or job. Watch the feet - what he does - not the lips - what he says.

 

Also, are you ok with him sleeping or playing video games all day to the extent he does that?

[theglide96]

I agree with Batya33 you need to give him a deadline. My wife has called me out on doing this same thing at different times. I didnt realize how important my completeing certain tasks was to her. I think that, what is boils down to is, is he willing to make sacrifices to keep the relationship strong?

 

I also believe this has alot to do with growing up. You did not say how old the two of you are but I imagine he is in his early 20s. unfortunately some of us just need a good kick in the butt. Its not nagging if he responds to it and does the right thing. He will do the right thing if he really wants to be with you.

 

I do find it interesting that he is blowing off moving to be closer to his "future wife." That makes me wonder if he is on the same page as you.

 

Good Luck

[pooh-bare]

Sorry, hun. But we can't change them..........You either have to accept him the way he is, or dump him! ...........Old saying "women marry men hoping they'll change, men marry women hoping they won't"........... I was married for a looooonnnnggggg time and continued to think he would "do better", he never did & I couldn't live with that. Divorce is tough and expensive! Think this one thru.......

[Yvette84]

Well we spoke last night and he said "I wanna be there just as much as you want me to be there!!!" and I was like "then why are you procrastinating???" and he's likle "I'm not!" then he said don't worry and that he promises to be here by the 26th of Oct. We DID decided to set that date. I can't dump him just for this though, I would need more of a reason because our relationship is GREAT and he makes me happy .....except when he procrastinates!

and about the video game & sleep thing, I don't mind, cuz he doesn't have much else to do (minus the stuff I've been talking about) and I love video games too...(and sleep and yes, we are both 22. I really do think it has ALOT to do w/growing up and maturing. You all have great advice! thanx for your help

[annie24]

you haven't met him in person yet, have you?