Cyber rejection – a whole new form of humiliation for the 21st century

[Clementine orange]

Things have been a little slow lately so I signed up with an on-line dating service. I paid my money, created a profile and sat back and waited for the fun. Nothing happened. I tweaked my profile and sent out a bunch of communications to some of the more interesting profiles. Nothing. No response whatsoever. More tweaking (now I've got the personality of Ghandi, physique of Anthony Kiedis and the wit of, I don't know, some super funny guy) , sent out more communications and nothing. NOTHING. Argh. This is so embarrassing (and a waste of money).

 

So out of curiosity (and I freely admit this is kind of evil), I made up a fake profile – of a woman (based it on someone I was hoping for). Just to check out the "competition". I found a picture off the net and posted – someone cute but not a "10". Almost right away the offers came pouring in, after a few days I got so many "hits" that I closed the profile. The chat element of the site was exploding and to be honest I actually felt kind of assaulted. Some men were really rude and vulgar and direct.

So I put up another profile, less inviting, more "homely", with a very plain picture. Lots of hits again – not as many as before but plenty (some of the same guys even).

 

So what gives? Are there more men than women out there. Talk about a sellers market. Can anyone explain this?

 

I want to add that many of the men had the stupidest, most idiotic c'mon lines ever. I mean, do these actually work ever??

 

What has been some other people's experiences with this? What should I do, how can I make this successful? I think I'm getting lost in the crowd here. What can I say in my profile to actually get some attention or response. Am I being too nice maybe?

 

PS: please don't lecture me about the fake profile – I took them both down right away and I do feel mildly bad about it.

[sparkle1]

I loved the fake profile thing! no lectures coming from me!!

 

I think that the online dating thing has exploded without a equal split. I would imagine - having not done it before personally, but have friends who have, that women get bombarded with emails which are clearly impersonal and not what they want. Remember us ladies want to feel special - like you've picked us personally, not because you thought well 'she might be up for it'

 

I would take a more simple line of attack. email the ladies who you genuinely like, and would like to speak to. Think about when you met someone in a bar and are chatting them up - you know how to convey yourself, and indeed how to make them feel special and reply. use that in your emails, and use laughter.

 

I liked what you put - and i replied to you. Do the same with online dating and i'm sure you'll be a huge success

[Beec]

I found my best luck included a joke that dealt with the nature of the ads being you selling yourself. My best headline claimed I had no felony convictions. Something like" "No felony convictions and regularly employed!" I explained in the text that I had never been arrested and also had a career, but I wanted to set myself apart, and that as a joke worked fairly well.

 

I would also tell you to claims that all you want to do is meet, and see what happens.

 

Many women also never send out any messges, except to people they receive messages from. And may do get lots. My messages were simple and simply expressed interest in getting to know someone. I think I often said: "I read your ad and am interested in knowing more about you;" followed by a few more details about me. I also always addressed specific things in their ad. I wanted to make sure they knew I read it.

[g44]

something i never really thought about as a bad thing. i have only done it twice and both times i met someone kewl within two weeks. the first time i did that, it was because i was bored, and i never expected to actually meet someone. it was entertainment - like trash tv. you would see profiles that people would post that were totally crazy. like a picture of a woman frowning with laundry piled up in the background. and decribing herself as 'no time to say anything about myself, i'll tell ya later'. geeee, if she puts that much thought into representing herself, my oh my, what a keeper, i should send her a smile.' lol

but on the male side its way worst. guys posing naked on a bed, or by a truck or motorcycle, telling how they are just the best. and the thing that u notice right away are the people that are just themselves, and the people that are not. and from what i hear, it is a nightmare being a woman on these sites. they get first messages from cats in japan saying 'i love your picture, we must marry', or 'hey, babe, you look hot, lets get it on.'

the person i met had no picture and an alias. i was hooked by her use of language and how she used certain words that should her sense of humour.

i remember thinking how people would react when they asked me how we met, and i just told the truth and said how lucky i was. and every single person that at first thought it was a loser thing to do suddenly saw it in a new way and torn down walls that were false.

and the second time i did go on a site, i met someone right away. i thing there is something about how being honest and open and fearless and yourself that allows fate to grab you and push you in a direction - just as it is with the other person. i think if u are a woman it is wise to be cautious on sites like that. if u are a man, just be yourself and go with the flow.

[wlfpack81]

Deleted by user

[Lady Bugg]

I like humor in a profile...poking fun at yourself. Something like: I have ALL my teeth" .... Because you know..there's nothing worse than meeting a man with a BAD grill... ....Keep it upbeat and lively. Noting too deep or serious. Women love a sense of humor.

[Clementine orange]

Thanks for the advice people. I actually have a whole new respect for what women have to put up with sometimes. It sure was eye-opening seeing it from the other side.

[g44]

a part of life....it happens to us every day....u don't get the promotion, u don't get the gurl, you don't get bothered by it because life is really 'yes' or 'no'

 

i do freelance writing and for every 50 stories i send out - maybe 10 get published...u just have to put it in persepective...its not life or death...

 

if u can handle rejection then u can do things that are more challenging...rejection is motivation, not defeat...it is a spark

[zer0effect]

This is just a fact of life, if a girl goes to a bar chances are she will be hit on, if she goes to a club even more so. If you are a guy and do the same thing everynight for 10 years you'd be lucky to get approached once.

 

What to do, what to do. Suck it up and accept the fact that every girl online gets bombarded with requests, some sincere, some vulgar, take your pick. Put up a profile, genuine and interesting, pics are a neccesity, then email as many girls as you find that you might be interested in- around 10-20. You are bound to get 1-2 replies, set up a date and check it out without much expectation. Then after a few weeks, try again to some new and the orginal ones that didn't reply. Only try the same ones 2-3 times, don't seem desperate, but sometimes your email will get lost in the inbox, or she might have other dates that might not work out etc...

 

Like anything, it is a numbers game, don't get hurt about it. I imagine that there are many guys on there trying to just get laid, playing the field etc.. and that there are many girls on there actually trying to meet someone genuine. There is no sure fire way to show your intentions through a profile or email, you just have to persevere, keep trying and hope you get a chance to take someone out and have a good time.

 

Don't think of it as rejection, even if you try to ask someone for a phone number at a bar - they don't even know you so why would you take offense as if they rejected you? They are just making a quick decision based on what is going on in their life at that moment, could be different next time and there is always the possibility that you might not be interested in them at all once you get to know them. Don't sweat it, and try to see the fun and exciting aspect to meeting new people in the forefront of your mind, not meeting your soulmate. You'll learn more about yourself the more people you meet anyway so you could possibly change who you are looking for right now once you start getting out there.