tretneo Posted September 17, 2006 Author Share Posted September 17, 2006 I know everything will be ok either way in the end thanks again guys Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 20, 2006 Author Share Posted September 20, 2006 Well I thought I would post an update. I saw Steph come online last night and I just didn't pay much attention but when I was headed off to bed I sent her a IM saying "headed off to bed and wanted to say goodnight", she replied back and said that she just got home from her trip and was drained and was headed to bed also. I am pretty sure I have been friendzoned as I see people say here all the time. The only time there is contact is if I start it and even then it is very short and lacking any kind of personal touch. So not really much to report here. I am pretty sure it is a lost cause and I better just forget about her.... well at least until the 2nd because she is or at least was going to the Guns N' Roses concert with me... I guess we'll see if she still wants to go... I didn't exactly have anyone else to invite anyway... I just hope I don't waste a ticket if she flakes.... sigh... Rob Link to comment
timlondon Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 I totally understand having difficulty just going up to girls, but I think that's normal for pretty much everyone initially. You need to get out and get used to randomly speaking to people (men and women), just make conversation, no ulterior motive, and build skill at just doing that. Then once you're good at striking up conversation you'll have an amazing advantage over most guys when you meet girls in a bar or wherever, and in any case it's a real confidence builder. Don't be afraid of women! They're just other people. Link to comment
timlondon Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 Oh, and phone up the girl (Steph?) and ask straight out if she's still keen to come to the concert, then you have enough time to arrange someone else to go with if she declines. If you're sure she's going as a friend rather than a date, I'd say it's still good because then there's no problem talking to other girls. Apart from the volume of the music maybe If she doesn't want to, go with a mate, look confident, meet girls. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Like I said before Rob, you sound like you got it together over there in Danville, CA, and that is the important thing. Once you have the perspective, perception, wisdom, and open heart like you've shown through your posts, it is only a matter of time before love finds you...guaranteed... Link to comment
Lady Bugg Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Hi Rob. I just read your thread.. and Frisco is a good man to listen to. I liked what he said when he told you to do what YOU feel is right..because the "RIGHT" woman would LOVE these things you do..ie, sending "I hope you have a great day" text or email. PERSONALLY if I get those messages from the RIGHT guy..it makes me smile ALL day!! So..MAYBE she ISN'T the girl for YOU....but that's ok. Someone IS...and they WILL love those things. I think MANY of us are guilty of trying to MAKE someone the right person for us...when accepting the fact they aren't would make things a WHOLE lot simpler. You sound like an awesome guy..I hope some lucky girl snags you up real quick Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 21, 2006 Author Share Posted September 21, 2006 Thanks for those positive comments and compliments guys... I appreciate it... I am trying to keep myself from focusing on what I don't have and just trying to enjoy the things that I feel fortunate about. I am very very appreciative of our enotalone community here.. I think everyone here is awesome and I enjoy everyone's friendship here. I was just telling Healinghands last night that I think ol' Mick is a smart guy... I like this... "You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find. You get what you need." Seems pretty true to me. Anyway, yesterday I did text Steph to say Hi and she texted me back saying she is sick.... soooo sick.... I feel like a jerk because she was talking a week or so back about not being sick for a year and I went over there last week when I was just getting over a cold.... oops... Well I tried to give her a call just to briefly tell her that I hope she feels better but she didn't answer... I left a message but didn't get a call back.. I think because of the sick thing and for the sake of being nice I will message or try to call her in a couple of days to say I hope she is feeling better, but after that I am going to stop contacting her. There seems to be a very obvious vibe coming from her since the whole "I like you" call last week. well enough of that... thanks again guys... You all rock Rob Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 oh and Rob..please keep that god awful song off your my space page. lol Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 21, 2006 Author Share Posted September 21, 2006 lol... ok I will make sure to stay away from that tune.... It was depressing for sure. Rob Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 21, 2006 Author Share Posted September 21, 2006 Well this will pretty much wrap this thread up.... I sent Steph a text... something along the lines of "been thinking about you and hoping you are feeling better. If you need anything please ask" to which I got a response about an hour later of "I am ok thanks" So basically I am done... I give up completely on trying with her. I know if I was to get a text like that from her or someone I was into or cared to date I would be extremely touched and happy and say more than just that as a response.. I could be wrong but I doubt it... If I am proven wrong later than so be it. I am pretty sure based on responses from a lot of you in this thread already that you will agree with my call here. Thanks for the help with this one guys I appreciate it. Rob Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 Rob- We should be taking advice from you. You have got it together my man... Yeah, those one-liners, forget about it, there're no excuses for those only a reason...and you already know the reason... Now, just because this one woman's feelings didn't match yours, this does not mean in any way, shape, or form there is anything wrong with either you or your approach. You keep being the stand-up guy that you are, doing what you are doing now, keep treating the ladies well and putting yourself out there, and it is only a matter of time before a chance to share true love with someone comes along that will change your life and how you look at it... And in the mean time...enjoy the ride bro... Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 21, 2006 Author Share Posted September 21, 2006 Haha well I don't know about me giving advice... I am just using what all you guys tell me.... I can say that I am disappointed obviously.... I am not happy about the way this has all turned out but what can you do right? I am hopeful that what you say about the future will actually happen... We'll see how it goes... I will just continue being myself and doing what I think is right... with a little help from my friends of course Rob Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 It would be just plain wrong if a fine lucky lady was robbed of the chance to get to know and love you. Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 Hey thanks bro.... We'll see how that goes... not holding my breath though lol... Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 and yet again..i agree with frisco. It would be just plain wrong if a fine lucky lady was robbed of the chance to get to know and love you. Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 22, 2006 Author Share Posted September 22, 2006 awww, Healinghands.... I could use a hug.... where are you?? and yet again..i agree with frisco. Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 23, 2006 Author Share Posted September 23, 2006 ok.... so back to confused lol..... I need mental help I know... So I was kicking back chatting to Healinghands (hugs) on Aim and my cell phone started ringing... It was Steph... I stopped expecting calls from her so it was a surprise... long story short we caught up about stuff from the past week... she was really really sick over the past few days and had that trip out of state over the weekend which she thinks might have been the cause of her being sick... So I asked if she was going to be able to cut out of work earlier to make it to the guns show since she had to miss work for the sick days... she said yeah for sure... so we are still going to the concert... secondly I asked what her schedule looks like for this coming week and she and I both have friday off.. I mentioned thinking about heading out that way anyway so we should hang out... she agreed so next Friday we will be hanging out together... I thanked her for calling and everything and said it was nice to talk to her and she said yeah for sure and that was that... input? I am not getting worked up over this because I am confused by her actions and just don't know what she is thinking... Rob btw this thread won't die lol... sorry Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 23, 2006 Share Posted September 23, 2006 Sigh..typed a big response..and hit the back button..and poof gone...so this one i'm keeping short a nd simple. I told ya so. chill out man.... be optomistic! Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 I am not getting worked up over this because I am confused by her actions and just don't know what she is thinking. This your best bet for sure. See Rob? You already know the answers to your questions! You should trust yourself man... You seem to be pretty wrapped up in her, asking her out and thanking her for her phone calls. That's cool man. This is your nature, this is you. You do things like this when you like someone. I say keep doing it... Better to find out the truth of the fit you guys have together sooner than later because in time, she will see the real you anyway. Now, we all can speculate every which way on what she is thinking and feeling. We are all looking at this from a distance. We don't know her, don't see the non-verbal intercations between you two, don't hear her tone or yours in these posts. This is a case where the medium of Internet communication fails I think. You have good insight Rob, and my advice to you is trust this insight and your intuition. Trust your read on the situation because you have a lot more information on that than we do. I think this could go 50/50 from what I've read without hearing her tone... Keep it up dude, and in time, you'll get an answer one way or the other on this. Either her feelings will come around and match (or even exceed) yours, or your feelings for her will burn out and be replaced by feelings of fatigue and frustration. Your job is to listen to that voice inside of you that is probably right and be strong and follow the path it tells you to take... But for now, you don't see a clear direction so just keep being yourself until that time comes... Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 thanks again for taking a look at this situation and providing your opinion man... I hate feeling unsure about things... especially when it comes to relationships or possible relationships... It's something I was discussing with Healinghands yesterday... I have a serious fear of rejection caused by some childhood events that causes me to have a real hard time with certain aspects of dating/relationships. Because of this I have a real hard time with not knowing where I stand... So the waiting game is torture.... But then if things work out of course it is rewarding and to be honest when it doesn't work out it isn't the end of the world.... but knowing that doesn't seem to make me any more comfortable in these types of situations... I agree with you that this could go 50/50.... I see and feel some signs from her that tell me she is interested.... but then I see some things that stick out as possible warning signs.... Healinghands could be right about me overanalyzing everything and overthinking.... I am going to try and relax man... I will be seeing her this Friday and we'll see how that goes.... Thanks again man, you are a big help Rob Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Hey Rob- Let me just reiterate the point of looking through this situation and into the heart of loving, healthy, and fulfilling relationships... You're a good man Rob, I can tell. I know you're really wrapped up in this situation with this girl right now and you said you have some relationships issues. Who doesn't? That's reality, that's real life, that's normal. Everyone has an imperfect past my man. If you or she didn't have some sort of issues, that would be just plain weird! So the point here is that this woman may or may not be a good fit for you, a fit from which you can build a loving, healthy, and fulfilling relationship. But if she is or isn't is not the point. She's a variable in the equation of love but you are the mathematician. And you're an Albert Einstein man. What I mean by that is if you keep being the stand-up guy that you are, keep putting yourself out there and making efforts to find good relationships, one will happen upon you with the right lady Rob. You'll win the Nobel Prize Rob. So yeah, quit worrying about this one situation because it is just that...one situation. I know you want this work with this woman because you really like her but if it doesn't work out, she isn't the one for you. Keep telling yourself that, and keep reading this thread to which all these complete strangers with no ulterior motives are have praised you Rob. That should put a smile on your face... Link to comment
tretneo Posted September 25, 2006 Author Share Posted September 25, 2006 Thanks again frisco.... talk about good guys.... You should probably be sitting at the head of that table.... I'll let ya know how things develop Rob Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 Hey Rob- And remember what i said about just being you..ya know- don't get too caught up in trying to be a nice guy- Girls want a friend too..not just a boyfriend. You have a fantabulous sense of humor...and you are an amazing listener, you are smart, insightful and genuine. Don't forget about showing her those qualities too. And if it doesn't work out..its not a total rejection on you or who you are....it just means it didn't work out. Link to comment
friscodj Posted September 25, 2006 Share Posted September 25, 2006 And if it doesn't work out..its not a total rejection on you or who you are....it just means it didn't work out. And actually, not such a bad thing, because you can get out this emotional holding pattern and open yourself to a new opportunity with a woman who does appreciate you for who you are and loves you to death for it... Link to comment
herewegoagain Posted September 26, 2006 Share Posted September 26, 2006 Tretneo - I know where you are coming from man. It's hard not knowing what she is thinking. I'm the same way. I've been dating this woman for two months now. We are having a great time, but it drives me crazy trying to figure her out. I'm always wondering what she is really thinking, whether we are boyfriend/ girlfriend yet, etc. I always tell myself to quit wondering about things and go with the flow, but it is hard sometimes. The uncertainty is very hard to deal with for me.So it's not just you man. I know exactly where you are coming from. Wouldn't it be nice to know what exaclty they were thinking? Well, TRY your best to go with the flow. Link to comment
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