i want to have an affair

[pacopaco]

with somone involved or not. i'm feeling this way because i was cheated on in February. I haven't been with anyone since, and i am healing, so that's a good thing. I guess the feeling comes from wanting to do what she did. I wasnt to be looked at and desired, and i want a woman to tell me how attractive and exciting I am to be around.

I'm also afraid. I'm afraid not of consequences with another person, but of the consequences I may impose on myself.can i do this right now? can i get involved? i'm not wishing for a one nighter, but i wish for some intimacy, and like I said, i want to be desired, and desired some more. she had a good time,it was exciting for her.

the guy she cheated with owns a home, has his degree in arcitecture, is designing with her a big skyscraper, but his heart is a loser's heart. I want the excitement, the thrill of being with someone new, but i'm scared, and sometimes I feel i'm trying too hard with my emotions for something like this. I think that if i am patient, it'll happen, but when I think of what she did to me, I feel i want it now.

I've been working out since my breakup and I have nice arms and shoulders now. I feel attractive, i get looks from the ladies, and I think "why the hell not?" but i'm so afraid that I'll be a differnt person afterward, or that something in me will change and be lost. I think i'm a catch, and i feel i'm wating for someone to catch me. A la Smiths How soon is now?

[melrich]

I don't really get this post. I think you are single but you want to have an affair so you can feel how she felt when she cheated on you? Is that right?

[pacopaco]

right, i know i'm single and free from the mess of her. i don't want to feel how it is to be a partner where someone is cheating. i guess i whouldn't have put that in. that is a mess in itself. i'm just saying i want to feel the thrill and spark she felt, that someone is flirting, and intersted.

maybe, like everything else involving this cheating thing. I have to go through it, and not around it. I think that's my general sentiment. even though i'm looking better than ever, I feel my self esteem, and ego were both shot, like i wasn't good enough. i don't have a degree yet, and i rent an apartment. I never met her boss, but i imagine some taller than life charming, good looking man. and sometimes it feels like i am not those things. any or all of them.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are a wonderful person with wonderful qualities. Please don't let her damage your self-esteem. She had a relationship with her BOSS! I can pretty much figure that her reputation at work is trashed. She may feel like a million bucks right now, but wait til the boss dumps her for some new young thing with a short skirt. The boss is sleazy for doing what he did. You have no need to feel threatened by him. He will soon move on to someone else and your ex will be left feeling cheap and crappy with her co-workers gossiping about her. What goes around, comes around. Don't go out with someone just to get even or to re-build your self-esteem. It won't work. You will end up feeling lousy about yourself and hurting an innocent person. Your self-esteem comes from within you, not from others.

[pacopaco]

thank you so much, Crazy. Actually, I ended up going out last night by myself for drinks, and met a nice couple who befriended me. Also, I ended up hangin with a bunch of cute girls drinking beers. they brought a Scrabble set and we all played. ever played scrabble with a few drinks in you? ha ha ! I thought about this thread, and someone mentioned that I should just let life happen. I did last night. I got everyone's phone number, and evryone has mine. I didn't try hard to hook up with anyone, or behave in anyway that would make a man look desperate for a little attention. The scrabble ladies even called me handsone, WOW! talk about a turn-around in a matter of hours. I had a lot of fun last night, and all it took was for me was to be Paco.

yeah, I know it would be unfair for a lady if i did things just to get even. I figure, just being happy and being me, is revenge in itself. The ex called last night too while I was at the bar, saying "If you're home, please pick up." It didn't bother me, but isn't it funny how these cheating people assume you're home crying your eyeballs out over them? that's two calls/messages this week, and I haven't returned one, and i won't.

[Maverick32x]

what an awesome thread... you rock!

[whoops]

good for you? how do you pick yourself after the break up - i am girl so it is harder to go to meet people and i am about your age so it isn ot like i will meet them only at work but i work for myself so what now? I worry about all girl things am i good looking enough - blah blah blah - i just want to be hugged at the moment - i cant tell my parents either about the breakup i just cant

[pacopaco]

hi whoops!

 

well, i'll tell you something. I finally saw the guy my ex cheated with. let me tell you, she traded down, the looks like a schmuck. nothing to him, a real idiot. what can you do to pick your self up? well whenever i start thinking about her affair, and i begin to get mental images and things i say to myself "No." sometimes out loud. I won't let what she did have power over me. no way! tell yourself "No. I won't let my mind take me there." you need to feel good looking enough, charismatic enough, etc. I most certainly do, and after seeing that guy, man O man, did she lose a real catch.

[Rosealie]

Pacopaco

 

all you'd be doing is lowering your standards. Wait until the "real" one comes along.

[pacopaco]

that's all true. I'm not even a vengeful kind of guy, but it sometimes feels like it would "level the playing field." i know i'm wrong here, but i'm very hurt. read todays post by me, ha ha !