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Holding on too tight


thegirl_00
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In 5 days it'll me me and my bf's 6 month of going out (woooo lol) yea I know its not long, but I really love him, or I feel like I do anyways. If you ask anyone they'd agree that we're a match made in heaven, but it wasn't always like this. We've been through a lot of bad times right from the start of our relationship. Including him doing a lot of things behind my back. This lead me to break up with him and then i got together with someone else. After about 2 weeks I realized I wanted my current bf back, so we got back together and somehow worked through all the hard times.

 

Now that things are going good, great even, I feel like I'm holding on for dear life to him. I just feel like things are too good to be true and something horrible is going to happen to take him away from me. I know he loves me with all his heart because he does so many wonderful things to make me happy each day. I'm the only person he ever wants to hang out with and if he has a spare moment he makes sure to surprise me at work or at school. But I feel like I'm being a maniac about our relationship. I always want to know where he is, I always check his phone to see who's been calling, I wont let him drink unless I'm there cuz I always have this horrible feeling inside of me that somethings going to happen when I'm not around. We have been getting into arguments about how controlling I am because I get mad over little things like him hanging out with his friends when I can't be there.

 

I know I'm being a controle freak and I'm being an obsessive girlfriend. From what I've heard being obsessive only pushes poeple away instead of bringing them closer. But I just cant stop. Does anyone have any advice? My obsessivness has been interfering with our relationship and I feel like i may be the one to make it fall apart.

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I thought i was the only one that felt like that, were in tha same boat...u just have to trust him and i KNOW its easier said than done but if theres no reason to suspect hes cheating, then ignore your thoughts or talk to him about it without soundin a crazy controll freak girlfriend..talk to him about the way your felling and why you think your feelin this way..maybe your insecure (thats my problem)..if he loves you hell understand..they're right u will eventually drive him away..especially this early in your relationship...im still strugglin with mine n weve been together for a year..i ALWAYS think hes lookn at other women or hes talkin to them on the phone..n i start to freak out n talk crazy and i knoe it hurts him..he knows im tryin to work on it...i dont knoe why i feel like that towards him..hes so good to me..*sigh*

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If he gives you a legit reason to check his phone ie some girl keeps calling at 4 am, or if hes acting all shady about his phone calls... then have a look. Otherwise you are just invading his privacy, not trusting him etc. Also calling him, always checking up on him WILL drive him away from you. NO guy wants to be under surveilance by his girlfriend for no reason.

 

regardless of how much you want to check on him, if you want things to work out you are gonna have to chill out and just relax. Dont be blind, if hes doing something wrong (obviously) then call him on it. But dont be calling him and calling him and spying just to see if you can catch something. He might as well just cheat if you are practically accusing him of it, or acting like he will.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I say your actions are justified because of what you've been through. When someone makes a break in trust (which it sounds like he has), it's up to them to do whatever they need to for however long they need to if they're interested in earning that trust back.

 

You do have to get to a point where you decide if you want to stay miserable in this relationship for this long. If you can't trust him, you need to find the strength to break it off. I know this is the most difficult thing for most people to do, but you have to realize if your fears/doubts about him don't go way, you're driving yourself mad as well as him.

 

If he's given you no other reasons for the distrust, get over it!

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