have sex??

[EmptySoul]

i love to be able to figure out everything in my life all by myself without any help from anyone, but i cant seem to on this so...

ive been with the same guy off and on since last summer (all on this summer) and things just seem to be getting better every day. i love him and i know he loves me.

he came over the other day and we hung out. he ended up laying on me, just playing around. we kissed some and at one point, cuz he knows im shy about my body , he took off my bikini top.

he's 2 years older than me and wants to have sex. (its NOT a problem of him trying to get me to something i dont want to do) the problem is, being with him like that really makes me want to have sex with him. the thing is, pretty much all thats keeping me from doing this is fear of pregnancy, STDs, my parents finding out, and the fact that i'll lose respect from my friends.

i've been VERY educated about sex stuff. i KNOW that condoms are not 100% effective, that they do not protect against STD's, that a relationship does not need to have sex in it in order to stay good, that just cuz he wants sex it doesnt mean he loves you...i know all of that. what i want to know are your opinions and comments and the statistics...

i guess what i'm wondering, is: what are your chances of getting pregnant/ getting a STD if your guy uses a condom? how old do you think a girl should be before she has sex? (cuz of course no one makes a big deal when GUYS have sex. hell, they get congratulated! also, non-virgins, is the fun of having sex worth the worry of parents finding out, the risk of losing friends, etc.?

any other comments etc. will be happily accepted... 8)

[S4il]

EmptySoul Don't let this guy take something you only have one time, Hell I'm 22 and I'm still a virgin, it seems like this guy is PUSHING you to do something your obviously not comfortable with, b/c of the risk involved...which are many..in addition i would like to say that most guys YES do think of having sex with a girl is Great, and YES they get complimented by other (male Friends) i think it is childish, and disrespectful to the women when i hear this, I am aware of these actions from men b/c i have a few friends who talk about it non-stop...It gets annoying even to me. I think when your ready, and when you KNOW you have found the *Right Guy*

 

I don't think he is playing the 3-c's Note....And that to me is a RED FLAG for you to be more careful

 

Three C's Being (Cool) (Calm) (Collective)

[BazookaMike]

I also say no, factor in risk of pregnancy STDs respect of your parents. It is not worth it. How close are you to you're parents? Seriously talk to them about it. That's what parents are for IMO. In the end it is your decision anyway, but I applaud you for posting this. You are trying to weigh this decision out before making it, that is awesome.

 

I would say that even though you are mature enough (you've proved this to me with your post) don't do it. And for that reason alone take pride in the fact that you could handle something like this, but only choose not to. Any equally commendable real guy, would definitely be impressed by that.

 

-bazooka

[j-boe]

Okay, where to start? Well I just wanted to start off by saying it is a shame in today's world that "good" girls are virgins, and that if you have sex you'll get exiled. With this is mind, you'll have to judge for yourself, is sex worth sneaking around for? (Which sex is good, but it really isn't all that it is hyped-up to be, especially if you're a virgin...) Not to mention you wont be able to fully enjoy it, not just because of being a virgin, but due to the fact that you worry about all the things you've listed. I, now this is only my thought, think you should wait. Maybe you should list your age?

 

Let me also state, that if it's illegal for you and your boy to have sex, then I suggest you don't try. (If he's 18 and you're 16 or something of that nature.) This in my mind wouldn't be worth it.

 

Conclusion, you're not going to enjoy sex the first time due to the fact that you are not comfortable (Enough) to actually get any pleasure from sex. Maybe re-consider not going through with it until more relaxed..? Don't wana' be one of those people who regret it in the end.

 

P.s. Latex condoms do protect against STD's for the most part.

 

-j

[j-boe]

See? I think you should wait until you YOURSELF is more comfortable.... If he doesn't understand, then screw him... Wow that is a good pun, eh? But it all seriousness, you don't need someone like that in your life.

 

Sorry it slipped?

 

-j

-I had to throw something funny in.

[in_flux]

there's no denying it, sex is awesome, it feels good and when you're with the right person and you feel that connection, it's SO worth it. HOWEVER, if you have sex with the wrong person or you're not ready for it or even just the slightest bit unsure, it will be a rotten experience -- and really, you don't want your first time to be rotten, because you will remember it forever. like someone already said, the first time isn't that spectacular to begin with because it's new and uncomfortable and you'll probably be too nervous to really enjoy it. but at least if you're with someone you're into, and someone who respects you, they will wait until it's the right time.

 

as for the practical aspect of things, condoms are about 98-99% effective against pregnancy and STDs IF THEY ARE USED CORRECTLY. that sounds obvious but a lot of bad things happen to people because they use them but not correctly. i.e. it slips off before the guy pulls out, it breaks, they don't use spermicide, etc. that's the real danger of condoms. but if used properly they are highly effective.

 

that said, neither i or anyone else on here, or even your parents, can know what you feel inside yourself, if you feel right and good about the situation. the thing about being young, though, is that even though you might THINK it's right, you may not have gotten enough life experience to really know for sure, which is why it's always good to wait a little longer than you think you should. because when you're like 15-16-17, what seems right at the time will seem like a HUGE mistake even a couple months down the road, and when you're talking about something this serious, that's not something you can take back. no one can or should tell you what to do with your life, but in all honesty, at a younger age you can't really trust your instincts as much as you can when you're older. so if you have any doubts in the SLIGHTEST, don't do it. and if you have no doubts whatsoever, still think about it strongly before you do something. i certainly don't have all the answers, and someone else might disagree with this advice, but that's where i'm coming from. hope that helps in some small way.

[EmptySoul]

i just wanted to tell everyone thanks so much for answering my post. they really helped me. as some of you noticed, i did not include my age in my post, because i hate to be judged by it and also, i feel that i am ready for things others my age may not be... now that you have read it though, i am 14 and my guy is 16. we've been together off and on for about a year and we never doubted loving each other and time we were "off" and even when we were apart we still seemed to belong to each other. i know in a situation like this maybe you have to judge the age a little bit, but i dont nessicarily like it. yes, you all are right. something i do now might seem wrong in a month, BUT me and this guy have loved each other for a year, so... i dont want anyone to think this guy is pushing himself on me- if i told him to stop something, he would. he has respect for me. (which i am so thankful for)i didnt mean that when i said i was shy about my body that i was wishing he hadnt taken off my top. i have disliked my uncomfortableness. haha. also, someone asked how close i am to my parents. not very. i tell them some things, but they dont know that i've been thinking about having sex or even that ive made out for that matter, so talking to them about this is out of the question. (why do you think im on this site!! lol for now, i am decided to control myself and not have sex because when i do, i dont want it to be ruined by a ton of worries. plus, a guy has to have something to look forward to, right? thanks!!

[za3raa69]

well, its known tht even if he had a condom on and u were on the pill, theres still atleast 1% possibility of u getting pregnant.

are you totally sure ur ready for sex? maybe he does make u feel like doing it but do u think u want to? and if u had other questions, i think u must ask ur doctor or ask someone older than u that u can trust bout such stuff.

 

Goodluck! see ya!

[SarCareBear]

Wow.. this post is like the story of my life. I feel exactly the same way about me and my love of the summer, its just this connection i never new before. but i wuoldnt want to have sex w him for those exact reasons. however we wont seeing as i think it will hurt emotionally when we leave eachother. as far as advice i dont really know, im only 16, but i say wait for the right part of the month wiht an extrememly low chance of ever getting pregnant, use a condom effectively, and you will always remember your first time as being with someone who meant the world to you

[Mar]

Oh god, not to sound like the proverbial mom, (which I'm not, thank God) but 14's SO young. You have so much time to explore this and at 14 you're JUST starting to be attracted to guys.....don't let the first one who comes along be the one to make such a huge difference in your life! I give you HUGE credit for thinking this through like you have, since most girls wouldn't for fear of losing face either with their boyfriend or whomever....pleeeease just think about it more before you do this, don't rush into anything. You're both very young still, and you WILL regret having had sex so young when you get older and see the depth that can be had in a relationship that can't be obtained in one like you have now. What you have is great, I'm not knocking it......but stick to the kissing and hand-holding, if you have to have contact. Don't throw away a beautiful experience before you truly know what's out there to be had.