It's me

[Gracelove]

I'm not feeling so well.

I've been feeling depressed and sad lately.

It's has gotten really bad.

Yesterday I sat in front of the mirror watching uptown girls and crying.

(the mirror was next to the T.V., I was originally doing my hair).

I've been feeling so down, I don't even like the state I'm living in too much right now.

But then I don't even know if I'd really like my hometown that much more.

I don't know if I'd be happy anywhere.

Why aren't I happy anymore? I used to be the happiest girl around.

The flowers in my apartment are dying, and all I want to do is hide myself away from the world.

***Just a note: "uptown girls" is a really good movie...it's comforting, it's meaningful, and my new favorite movie.****

[Ms. Babydoll]

Aw Grace, I really don't know what to say. Maybe you need to pull yourself away from everything, grab a friend and go on a road trip to some town you haven't been to before, spend a few days there and try to forget about everything that is worrying you and just enjoy your time. That way you can really cleanse your soul and hopefully it will make you feel better.

[rose2summer]

Hey Grace,

 

I am worried about the way you are feeling,

 

You have been through a really rough patch lately,

 

Have you gotten counseling for the rape yet,

 

I remember you had posted about it before,

 

You need to heal your friends my friend,

 

In order to get past this dip in the road,

 

It's very tough, I completely understand that,

 

But this pain will subside with time,

 

It's important to talk about it and let these emotions out,

 

You are going through a normal step after rape,

 

Which in the withdrawal state,

 

You are pulling out from the activities of the world,

 

Although this is normal, let yourself grieve,

 

But also don't lose out on the beauty of life too much,

 

It's really good for you to get out with friends, family,

 

And do things you enjoy to help yourself let go,

 

Of this horrific experience you went through,

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Gracelove]

Thanks guys!!!

I really appreciate your advice.

Ms. Babydoll

I totally like the idea of a roadtrip. I would love to get away from everything, experience something new.

Just be happy exploring, seeing beautiful things, not thinking of the hardships I've been experiencing lately.

I'll be going to a beach in Florida sometime soon, so I'll get a little bit of that roadtrip feeling.

Rose2Summer

I was seeing a counselor, but right now I can't afford the $80 per week fee.

I do miss my counselor.

I feel like I've just pretty much given up for the time being.

That's all I know how to do right now.

I read your story about that crazy stalker guy. It's seems like I've had similar experiences.

I can't believe he set your house on fire though, you're extremely resilent (spelling?).

Thanks for all of the advice you've given me. I hope things will get better.

[Gracelove]

Okay, I'm realllllly upset.

I can't post a new topice because this post is still on the "main page".

 

It SUCKS that people can rape people and murder people and just walk away with no punishment!!!!!!!!!!

 

I mean really!

 

I'm just so upset about that.

 

I know that God punishes all but for some reason lately I've had doubts.

Not that God won't punish them, but that maybe he won't punish them as much as I'd like.

 

I know that's really silly, because if there is anyone who knows how to punish someone it's God.

 

I guess I'm just tired of waiting. I'm hoping that word of the punishment will get back to me.

 

Because if there's one thing I want to see, it's that my rapist get his just-due.

 

I want him punished so severly that he goes out of his head.

 

I don't just wanted him raped by 10 men, I want something worse.

I want him humiliated to NO END!

Just as I was humiliated by being raped.

 

I want someone to do something awful to him.

But then part of me doesn't want to know about it.

 

I don't know, but I'm suffering.

I'm so hurt inside.

I grieve so much, and all I can think about is revenge.

 

But I don't want to get revenge.

I want God to do it.

I want him to rape a girl who's family will kidnap and torture him.

Because he's going to rape again, that's a fact.

 

I want him to be incapable of raping another person. I want him to be incapable of having children.

 

Someone should just cut his * * * * off.

And throw it into the ocean.

 

Yes, I think that would be appropriate.

 

And then he should be forced to walk every where with the word rapist tattooed (spelling?) on his forehead.

 

If it were only possible that these things could just happen.

 

I don't want to do any such thing because I don't want to turn evil so that I can be punished.

 

But I'm human, I want him damaged!!!!! Really, really damaged!!!!

 

I want him to ache inside.

 

I mean, there is soooooo much that I want to happen.

 

I mean how many other girls has he raped by now? Soooo many I'm sure.

 

That bastard. That bastard and his female accomplice.

 

You know, I've never wished for anyone to go to hell.

But if it's possible for them to spend 24hours in hell.

 

Ya know. Just 24 hours. But I guess that's a little cruel.

 

Anywho.

It's easier to focus on how these low-lifes should be punished than to address the turmoil I feel within.

 

It just won't go away ya know.

 

I said that I forgived them. I said it out loud, and nothing has happened.

I've tried.

 

What else can I do?????

 

Short of completely destroying myself?

 

I don't know.

 

Why can't this be like....I don't know, the old days??? I mean wasn't there ever a time where people killed rapists?

 

I'm sure that had to have been the case once upon a time.

 

I mean, I'm sure there isn't a drug out there that could help my situation.

People need to invent an instant feel-good pill.

You could take it and be completely and utterly happy for at least a month.

 

I mean, one day someone should invent that.

Someone who enjoys chemistry, not me.

 

Anywho, I think I've gotten out a little bit of rage and frustration.

 

 

P.S. I really don't want to be an angry person

[RelaxByWater84]

Grace,

 

First off let me say you are in my prayers and thoughts. I hope things get better for you. I wish you were here right now, I'd give you a big hug.

 

Since you can't afford the counselor's fee, I would suggest that you look around for a place that offers free counseling. These counselors are not college students, so you don't have to worry about them "testing" on you. They are trained professionals that want to give to the community. A lot of times they are better because their heart is in it for something other than money.

 

Hope this helps. Be praying for you.

 

CoffeeGirl84

[numbly_hypersensitive]

Wow. Everything you said is so awesome. Really. Please keep talking about this until you feel you don't have to anymore. Everytime you talk about it, you release some of it. You purge it. You own it. You claim it. You are getting over it. I don't talk about my experience very much at all and I am encouraged by you to do so.

 

I know you are in pain, but that is a feeling. It's a state of being. It will pass. By the laws of nature, it has to. Hang on friend. Love is here for you. Water your flowers.