Together or Just Friends???

[mnuttster]

I posted awhile ago about my current situation, but I'll recap with my current dilemma:

 

Basically, I met this girl I work with (she works mornings and I work most evenings) at this theater. We hit it off right away with common likes/interests, are both really outgoing and open with each other and just have a blast whenever we hang out (she has told me things that no one else knows in her life, I guess that is how comfortable with me she is). I finally told her after a few months that I had feelings for her and she surprised me by saying she had feelings for me as well, but that she wasn't really looking for a serious relationship right now, because she had gotten hurt so many times by men that she wasn't looking to get serious for awhile in her life, but that she definitely was attracted to me and wanted to hang out more.

 

Things went from there and we went hung out a lot with common friends and even went on lots of "dates". She has spent the night at least once a week since all this started and most times we end up being physical. Even when she doesn't stay the night we at least kiss or makeout when I drop her off. I've tried to keep things light and to not push her with our relationship. She has even held my hand when we go to shows or fall festivals lately and talked about taking weekend getaway trips with me. All signs that she is really interested in me.

 

Now here is my dilemma: She has a lot of "baggage": like losing her drivers license, money issues, friends moving away, not having gone to college/having a tough time finding good work, been with quite a few men physically, etc.. None of which bothers me because I like who she is as a person more than anything and am willing to accept everything that comes with her because I have strong feelings for her and who she is. The thing is that I've been paying for a lot of things lately, seeing as that I have a good paying job and no real responsibility money wise, so I am comfortable paying for things as long as I am spending it with her, someone I have deep feelings for.

 

She has told me the few times that we have talked about relationships and such, that she doesn't want to rush into anything and lose the amazing relationship that we have right now (the limbo between friends and bf/gf), which I think is cool as well because I am a super busy guy and love hanging out with her. But it feels that she is just taking me for my money, a good time and that she is keeping me around because I am someone that gives her that attention and will spend money for us to have a good time. That I am just a friend that she can also get the physical aspect out of too. I mean I am a really nice guy that is just looking for a good relationship, not so much getting married and all that serious stuff, but just someone that I feel will be good to me and can have fun with.

 

I just want some opinions on if I am getting used for a good time until some bad boy guy (the type of guy she is usually attracted to, the kind she feels like she can't have) comes along and then drops me or if she is just scared of what we could have and that she really does want to take things slow so we don't jump into something and have it blow up in our faces. Because usually the best relationships spawn out of friendships, which I think is the way we are going.

 

I am confused and before I go any further I want to figure out what to do. If I should keep hanging out with her like we have been or if I should just cut it all back to a simple friendship and make her show me what she really wants from me? Any help would be appreciated! Thanks!

[Momene]

Hanging out, making out and sharing confidences? I think you are a couple but she doesn't want to label it as such. It could work long term and it'll give me plenty of time to slim down to a size 16 for your wedding.

[candy604]

it's called dating. i guess shes's saying she wants a casual relationship, not really any exclusivenss or strings attatched. but sometimes a causal relationship turns into more when you spend and get to know a person more.

 

i thikn you both are on different pages in what you want. but even then her opinion could change after knowing you for longer.

[mnuttster]

I guess you are both right. I mean I don't even know if I am ready for another serious relationship because I was engaged to someone for 2 years and we were together for 4, which only ended 8 months ago. I work a lot of hours, so maybe this type of relationship is the best for me because I don't have a lot of time to put into a relationship and like her, don't really want to worry about someone else's feelings and trying to make plans all the time. I guess I should be happy with our current situation because I get all the physical aspects and she definitely is interested in seeing me a lot and making plans for us to do things. It just seems weird because one day she seems to really be into me and all over me and then we won't talk for 3 days or something. It might be that I was so used to the engaged life/relationship that it is hard for me to take that step back down to casual dating.

 

So what everyone is saying (which is what all her friends are saying as well because they seem to love me and think im the best guy she has ever dated) is that I should chill out, enjoy the ride and let things happen. Any other advice?? I guess I might be worrying over something trivial, but that's just how I am.