Here we go again

[Azual]

Okay, so this past week went okay, my girlfriend and I got a lot of stuff straightened out... set some ground rules... the whole deal.

Thursday night she says "I'm gonna be in the FFA meeting, it'll be about 10 minutes" I say okay and that I'd wait outside for her. Now the meeting took place during lunch, end it was an extended lunch... So I blew the whole lunch period waiting for her because she never stepped outside to see if I was there or anything. I told her I had to get some point values from a teacher which would take like 5 minutes.

I'm not angry, just kind of upset that I sat there for an hour waiting for her and she never stepped out to say "Oh hey, I'm finishing up some work that I didn't do." I didn't know when that meeting ended or anything, so I didn't ever know if it was cool to drop in and see what was up.

Anyway, she emails me Friday (And I couldn't check it til yesterday because I was away at Yosemite with the family doing a 16 mile hike... my advise is never do that without lots of water) and basically pins a lot of our relationship problems on me.

Now I admit, I'm not exactly the perfect guy... but I'm not the only one at fault here am I? I'm giving her everything I have... feels like I'm being taken for granted and getting nothing back sometimes. Like with the "friend" in her math class who has tried groping her and doesn't respect her or the fact that she is in a relationship. I don't see how she can't drop him, and that's really the only thing keeping me from being happy with her 100%.

She knows I won't keep someone around who doesn't respect me, my relationship, or tries to do that... why can't she? She also complains that I don't trust her enough. If I were to put trust on a scale of 1-100, she's at around 80-90 and though she isn't tearing it down... she's not building on that trust either.

 

So in conclusion, these next 5 days (Monday through Friday) I'm going to be what she wants me to be, and the only condition I set is that Sam be forced out of the equation. I'm tired of hearing from 5 people in that class (Oh yeah, they flirt with each other hella bad). If he's not, I take it to the administration. She asked me to let her deal with Sam her own way. I have let her try for 2-3 weeks and he isn't backed off. Time to take matters into my own hands and push him away for her right?

 

Am I correct in all this or am I just really really messed up in the head?

[mmd]

I would beat the hell out of that guy... but thats not the right thing to do thats just instict, you cant control who your gf speaks to but you can say that you arent comfortable and obviously you've done that its all about the trust man she is with you... im not too sure on how to deal with the guy trying to grope her

[Azual]

Well, I would pund him into nothingness... but seeing as I'll be on probation soon... not the best idea.

I left her with three choices since hes such a good friend.

Option A) I bust his nose and him and I both get in trouble, me for busting his nose, him for sexual harassment

Option B) I take it to the administration and he faces possible Juvi time and counciling

Option C) She pushes him away and drops him

 

I know she's with me, but I feel this problem right here is about respect. How much does she honestly respect me, ya know?

[annie24]

azual - you DON'T trust your gf.

 

I think you guys should break up. You broke up with her just last week, and now things are downhill again. It doesn't seem you two are a match. leave her alone and find someone better for you.

[Meow18]

Honestly, I don't see any good in any of this. It's never ok to beat up another guy for being a jerk. Yes, he's a huge jerk, but SHE's ALLOWING it to happen! It would be one thing if she has tried to get him to stop, but she hasn't, so he sees no point in stopping. So the person you should be mad at is her..

 

Has he really sexually harassed her? By that I mean, has he done something to her where she tried to get him to stop? I mean really, the school might find it hard to believe since she is in fact still friends with him..

 

She's the one being disrespectful to your relationship. She's the one you are not happy with.

 

She has a right to do what she wants and talk to who she wants. It's obvious by now she's not going to stop talking to this guy. And as much as I think she's being disrespectful, you also can't force her to do something.

 

So, instead of giving her options, give yourself options.

 

A.) Realize she's putting too much on you and not doing anything in return for the relationship. And break up with her.

 

B.) Stay with her and deal with it.

[Azual]

When more than 1 person tells me he's attempted to grab her breasts and she's stopped him (I heard it was pushing his hands away and that was about all)... I'd call it sexual harassment.

 

I don't know what to do. I love her, and I want to trust her 100%, but how to do that if she can't push someone away who isn't respecting her?

 

I know you all prolly understand this when I say I want to be with her... I havn't felt this way about anyone, ever. I really honestly want to never give up... That's why I'm willing to change for her.

[Iceman26]

When more than 1 person tells me he's attempted to grab her breasts and she's stopped him (I heard it was pushing his hands away and that was about all)... I'd call it sexual harassment.

 

I don't know what to do. I love her, and I want to trust her 100%, but how to do that if she can't push someone away who isn't respecting her?

 

I know you all prolly understand this when I say I want to be with her... I havn't felt this way about anyone, ever. I really honestly want to never give up... That's why I'm willing to change for her.

 

How does somebody get away with grabbing some titties in math class? My god times have changed since I was in school.

 

I wouldn't trust this girl any further than I could throw her, and with my bad back, I shouldn't be throwing anything.

 

Bottom line is she is inconsiderate, insecure (blaming all the relationship problems on you, when she clearly has issues), and there is more to this "guy" in math class than meets the eye. That is technically sexual assault you know.

[annie24]

I don't see how she can't drop him, and that's really the only thing keeping me from being happy with her 100%.

 

If he is really harassing her, she needs to report this to a teacher and the principal of the school. they can switch him to another class, or at least keep the two apart.

 

she can definitely be trying harder to make the harassment stop.

 

I wonder if she isn't enjoying it, and enjoying telling you about it and making you upset....

[annie24]

How does somebody get away with grabbing some titties in math class? My god times have changed since I was in school.

 

I wouldn't trust this girl any further than I could throw her, and with my bad back, I shouldn't be throwing anything.

 

Bottom line is she is inconsiderate, insecure (blaming all the relationship problems on you, when she clearly has issues), and there is more to this "guy" in math class than meets the eye. That is technically sexual assault you know.

 

My ex-boyfriend used to constantly try to grope me during class in high school. it didn't bother me so much, because we were dating, but I could have made it stop really easily.

 

Actually, in college, my lab partner did grab my butt one time, at which point, I said in a loud and angry voice to "back the F off!" he dropped the class right away.

[melrich]

You need to get out of this relationship. She is not good for you and you are not good for her. She has this relationship on a whole other plane than you do (in my opinion she's on the right plane) and I think you are just going to continue to butt heads.

[Iceman26]

 

I wonder if she isn't enjoying it, and enjoying telling you about it and making you upset....

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

I guess I must have been oblivious if that kind of stuff was going on......that or it was because I never took Fondling 101.

[Azual]

I want it to work... so for this week I'm going to back off and see what happens... if by Friday she hasn't pushed him away... I'm gone. Thank you all for helping... but you understand that I want her and I to work? I don't want to give up on her but it's just too much... Everyone here and everyone I know in school and through AIM is telling me I need to drop this relationship... but I can't.

-sigh-

I want it to work - So very badly...

And I guess that I'm just going to have to live with it for this week.

[Azual]

My thoughts exactly.

 

I guess I must have been oblivious if that kind of stuff was going on......that or it was because I never took Fondling 101.

 

I'd hate to think she's enjoying it though... and she keeps telling me not to worry, that I'm the only one for her... that only I can make her happy...

[annie24]

I want it to work... so for this week I'm going to back off and see what happens... if by Friday she hasn't pushed him away... I'm gone. Thank you all for helping... but you understand that I want her and I to work? I don't want to give up on her but it's just too much... Everyone here and everyone I know in school and through AIM is telling me I need to drop this relationship... but I can't.

-sigh-

I want it to work - So very badly...

And I guess that I'm just going to have to live with it for this week.

 

well.... it takes 2 to make a relationship work. and if guys are hitting on her during class and she isn't telling the teacher and the principal about it, then I don't think her loyalties are to you.

[Iceman26]

I'd hate to think she's enjoying it though... and she keeps telling me not to worry, that I'm the only one for her... that only I can make her happy...

 

Words mean little to me. If her actions aren't backing it up, that should be all the answer you need. The first time some dude grabbed her like that she should have told somebody.

[Azual]

Well, if you've followed along the whole story... I think maybe what has happened in the past is clouding her judgement right now. But I agree... words that aren't backed by action do have little meaning. I'm just going to try and let things cool down and see what happens. Like I said... Friday is the day that will be her decision day.

[Azual]

You need to get out of this relationship. She is not good for you and you are not good for her. She has this relationship on a whole other plane than you do (in my opinion she's on the right plane) and I think you are just going to continue to butt heads.

 

You lost me Melrich... I read this over and over... never figured it out

[melrich]

Hi Azual,

 

What I mean is this relationship is what...3 months old? and already you have posted 10 times about problems in it and broken up at least once. She is what 16 years old? She just wants a fun time. It is casual, carefree time for her, as it should be at that age. It's not the time for heavy, controlling relationships and machismo respect.

 

So I reckon you guys are at different levels and wanting different things. I'd say to you, if you are not happy with who she is right now, get out of it. Find someone that is more like what you are looking for.

[Azual]

4.5 months. I basically worked everything out with her last night, just this one issue I can't let go on. She admitted to me she's rather find comfort in Sams arms than sitting me down and talking to me unless I can change and I told her it would be over if that was how it would be. She told me she would change if I would.

I'm willing to change for her, willing to do anything for her, and she knows she has but to ask. The only problem is she isn't helping me change, she just gets angry and doesn't say anything

[annie24]

I agree with melrich - if you guys have had this many problems in 4.5 months, and she just admitted to you she seeks comfort in another man's arms.... this just isn't working out. You've written before that you guys had "worked everything out" but then a few days later, a new problem comes up. It seems you are trying to fit a round peg into a square hole. It just doesn't fit.

[Azual]

-sigh-

I don't know... I love her with everything I've got... And we had worked everythign out and then this came up, no reason why...

I'm trying everything I can to make it work... She agreed to help me be the man she wants me to be because I told her 1. I can't read her mind and 2. I'm a guy, and don't know exactly what a woman wants.

I just want it to work between us so we can both be happy with each other...

[annie24]

I'm trying everything I can to make it work... She agreed to help me be the man she wants me to be because I told her 1. I can't read her mind and 2. I'm a guy, and don't know exactly what a woman wants.

 

Oh, don't use the "women are confusing" excuse.

 

She has admitted to you that she goes to another man when she needs comfort, and she lets some random guy grope her during math class. no girl who wants to make things work with her bf does that.

[Azual]

Oh I'm not giving the whole "Women are confusing" thing, I just admit I'm not perceptive enough to know what they want all the time.

 

I confronted her about that... wish I could have had a copy on that conversation, but if I remember correctly, her words were along the lines of;

If I wasn't making you happy, you'd go flirt and find comfort as well (No I wouldn't, I'd talk to her about it).

but I am saying that if your gf (her) made you unhappy, and didn't give you love that made you want to see tham everyday and be with them all the time, then you would flirt with another person.

I admit, I'm overbearing sometimes, but if she doesn't say anything to me and doesn't help me, how am I supposed to know what she wants?

And she doesn't let him, according to her and the people that talk to me, she hasn't let him grope her, she's stopped him.

[annie24]

you are overbearing, and when you aren't making her happy, she flirts with other guys instead of talking to you about it. this relationship is a train-wreck!

[Azual]

You're more than likely right... but I guess it's just my nature to keep trying until there really is no point...