Women and their feelings

[theallegedparadigm]

I've been wondering about this a fair bit recently as i have had to experiences that suggest that women are somehow able to change their feelings towards guys almost instantly - perhaps i am wrong and it would be great to hear some opinions from other women out there. To elaborate:

 

Ex 1 - Things werent too serious, we got on really well and things seemed to be going great until one day, after about 4 months she turned round and said that it was over (i still havent worked out why). I haven't heard from her since

 

Ex 2 - The first girl i ever loved. We were together for about 6 months and things were very heavy, words like soul mates, love of my life were always popping out from her mouth. Hell she was even talking about marriage and kids one day. After a couple of weeks of petty arguments from both parties she turned round and said she loved me like a friend (literally a day or two before the heavy stuff about long term future was still coming from her).

 

 

How is it possible for women to change their feelings like this so quickly? Do lots of women do this or is it just me having an unlucky experience so far? How are they able to apparently love you one minute and claim to want to spend the rest of their life with you and the next say that these feelings have changed? I don't know about other guys out there but if i am really into someone, or love them then these feelings can't just turn off, they are there to stay, so how do women manage to do it?

 

Any insights?

 

 

J

[misspiggyfire]

Sometimes it just takes one thing to make you realise how you really feel about a person. If you want to believe that you are madly in love with someone then you can sometimes make yourself think you are when in actual fact you may only for them as a friend. Love works in strange ways. Somedays I think to myself the person I love most in the world is the person I hate most in the world.

[theallegedparadigm]

The above makes it sound like you are saying women don't genuinely know how they feel until one of these 'little things' happens. In which case why should you bother with any women if what they tell you they feel, and perhaps even what they think they feel isnt actually the case! It is easy for me to have feelings, know them to be accurate and not have to have one of these 'little things' to know them to be completely true why is it so hard on others? Do you not think it is a little unjust for someone to be told various statements like 'i love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you' only to be told again again literally days later (after one of these 'little things' that 'actually that's not how i really feel after all'? I just don't understand how it is possible to go from one polar extreme of 'soul mates' and all that lark to 'actually i don't love you anymore' in such a short space of time. The last ex told me pretty much that in the space of two days she had fallen out of love with me whilst days before asking me about kids names! How is it possible to fall out of love with someone in such a short space of time?

 

Are women just fickle?

[itsallgrand]

Whoa, whoa, hold the bus!

 

No. I don't think any human being can switch love on and off instantly.

Sure, feelings can change, viewpoints can shift almost instantly. However - big however - I truly feel that love itself, the foundation, is not that easily corroded. Just take a look around and all the folks on here who struggle to deal with love they still have for ex's who have hurt them/left them.

 

In your own personal examples, I think what they had to say was a long time coming. They just hit you with a curve ball and chose not to communicate to you about whatever earlier.

 

Please remember us women are endowed with the exact same emotional equipment as men. It's painful to see such generalizations about women being emotional-sluts. Really, really urge you to take a deeper look and not apply your experiences with a few women (or girls) to whole populations.

 

take care

[vfunkera]

I don't think women REALLY know what they want .

 

J,

 

I also advise you not to try to find out either, such is the complextion of the female understanding, you will just lose yourself. After all, Men are from mars, and women from venus. Just leave it at that.

 

What i do know is that women operate much, much more on emotions and feelings then men. This is no criticism, its just the way it is. Men operate more on visuals and logic. Just be a man and you'll be fine.

[annie24]

I agree. I just wrote this on another thread... but no one changes their feelings overnight. No one is ever in a happy relationship, and then wakes up the next morning and says, "I think I'll break up today! "

 

most breakups are a long time coming. the "dumper" has been thinking about it for several weeks, months, or years. sometimes it takes a long time for them to figure out why they are unhappy, if it is the relationship or something else wrong in their life.

 

if you look back on your relationships, and think long and hard about it, you'll probably see that everything was NOT alright. there were probably warning signs long before the actual breakup happened.

[annie24]

I don't think women REALLY know what they want .

 

J,

 

I also advise you not to try to find out either, such is the complextion of the female understanding, you will just lose yourself. After all, Men are from mars, and women from venus. Just leave it at that.

 

What i do know is that women operate much, much more on emotions and feelings then men. This is no criticism, its just the way it is. Men operate more on visuals and logic. Just be a man and you'll be fine.

 

Not true.

 

I have had guys break up with me saying, "you are perfect, smart, I am massively attracted to you... but I don't know why, but I just don't feel like continuing the relationship with you."

 

men make emotional decisions in relationships also!

[Rainz]

Are women just fickle?

 

I guess some people's feelings are fickle and others aren't. I'm a woman and not once in any of my relationship experiences have I made such bold statements such as I'm in love with you, you're my soulmate etc...to then 180 and back pedal on them.

 

I have had similar experiences from guys as well.

As I'm not wired up that way, like you that behaviour makes no sense to me whatsoever. I don't understand it or get it.

 

I think when people's feeling suddenly just drastically change over night, or from one extreme to the other in a really short space of time, then they were probably never truly there in the first place.

 

I'm not someone who is quick to say things like I'm in love, you feel like my soulmate etc because when I say those things, for me I HAVE to mean it and feel it. If the feeling isn't there, the words will not depart from my mouth.

[desertnomad]

I like your honesty Rainz. It is to easy for people to just say things that they dont mean. Then one day they disappear and your still stuck in your head with all the things they say to you wondering 'was it something I said'? For me I told my ex I loved her and would miss her alot during the workday before we left in the morning and she said the same thing. A few hours later she was gone. I could never tell someone deep things right before I planned on leaving them or before I meant them in a relationship. I cant be cruel like that.

[joyce1412]

theallegedparadigm--one of the things that i picked up on is that you only dated these women for a few months before they broke it off. there are some people (not just women) who get really caught up right away, but then the infatuation and excitement die off after a while and they don't know how to handle it, so they break it off.

 

i'd chalk it up to their feelings not being as strong as they had indicated from the very beginning. my guess is they don't know themselves or know love very well.

 

some may disagree, but i'd even go so far as to say that it takes more than 4 or 6 months to truly, deeply love someone.

 

 

as far as women turning on a dime about the men they love...i can't help but disagree. if i added up the months i've collectively spent still loving guys who didn't love me anymore or weren't that into me, i think it would be pretty depressing. (meaning i wasted a lot of time on them.

 

of any guy i have actually said the words "i love you" to, it's taken several months of recovery and slowly falling out of love for me to be truly over them, because my feelings really WERE that strong even after being left or mistreated.

[annie24]

joyce, I would agree, it takes at least 6 months, I would even extend it to a year to really LOVE someone. you can really like someone before a year, or be infatuated, but i think real true love, takes a long time. Before then, you can only love the person you *THINK* they are, but first impressions can be deceiving....

[joyce1412]

Before then, you can only love the person you *THINK* they are, but first impressions can be deceiving....

 

they sure can be. after dating him for a year and a half and five months of being apart, i think i am just now getting to know who he really is.