my boyfriend accuses me of cheating..when I'm not

[Need advise]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years.

 

Lately he has been accusing me cheating of on him. He is so sure, that I cheated on him. Everyday for the past 3 months he insists that I tell him the truth. I never cheated on him..ever!

 

He's really into trust…one time he asked me if I have any guy friends at work and, since I want to be completely honest with him, I told him that I did. What was that for… He had a fit.

 

He started asking me 21 questions, which eventually got annoying. I was then kicking myself for opening my mouth to begin with. At this point, I was so upset that I didn't even want to talk to him anymore. He asked me who was more important between him and my co-worker and I refused to answer.

Of course my boyfriend is, without a doubt, more important but just the fact that I even had to answer that pissed me off, so I did not answer. It just got worst from there. It got violent until I gave in and said he was.

 

He said that I took to long to answer and that it shouldn't have been hard for me to answer. Which it wasn't..it was just his temper that pissed me off and in the manner that he was asking me, like I was suppose to be scared or something. I am really proud and stubborn and my pride did not let me budge until the end when it too much.

 

After that night, we talked when we were both calm. We both really tried to resolve this issue but he just don't know how to let things go and he starts asking me to do stupid things like prove that I am not cheating, and he wanted me not to talk to my co-worker ever again (which is impossible because we work together)..and around this time I start to loose my patience again and the argument begins again.

 

Not one day goes by where he doesn't ask me how my co-worker is doing. He tells me that he know we did something. He's threaten to come to my job and look for the guy. He's threaten to call the job and curse him out.

 

And the poor guy from work does not have a clue what's going on. I don't even talk to him like that. I have even distance myself from this guy. My coworker is actually married and I told my boyfriend this but that just gets him more mad. He tells me that a guy is a guy no matter what.

 

We both want to work things out but he says he needs closure with this situation and he does not have it. He tells me to prove it to him that I am not cheating but I don't know how to do that and at this point, I'm just fed up with it.

 

I love him so much and I know he loves me too but the trust is way gone. He is too jealous. I know that he tries to change but he cannot seem to let this go.

It is not always bad. When it good its great but when it's bad.. it's really bad.

 

We both have lost respect for each other with the name-calling and the hands. I sometimes feel that he brings the crazy out of me.

 

I have lost all my friends ever since I been with him. He is all I have.

 

I don't know what to do.. I'm so worn out. I just don't feel like I have it in me to fight for this relationship anymore.

 

Please..need some advise.

[craving_normalcy]

My advice? RUN...RUN LIKE HELL!

 

This guy is a major control freak...you already pointed out that he 'got violent' until you said he was 'more important' than your co-worker. He has some major insecurities, and NOTHING you can do will ever FIX them - HE has to fix them HIMSELF - and it sounds like he doesn't want to.

 

He is ruining your life - I don't know how old you are, but, regardless, you are TOO YOUNG to let some man dictate who you can/cannot talk to.

[rose2summer]

Ok, I have read enough about this topic that I want to share,

 

When someone keeps asking or pushing that you are cheating,

 

It very well may be that they are,

 

And they feel so guilty about it,

 

That they watch you like a hawk,

 

My ex always asked me if I was cheating,

 

Wouldn't let me talk to other guys, etc,

 

When deep down, he was out in the search of another woman,

 

Whilst keeping our relationship intact,

 

Are there any signs that he is cheating?

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

[Need advise]

I am pretty sure that he hasn't cheated. He just doesn't trust me at all.

[Johnathan]

I agree with rose....people who constantly accuse their partner of cheating are very often making up or covering up for their own personal inadequacy-that they did it themselves. Even if he didnt, there's not enough reason for you to stay with someone as insecure and immature as this nutj**.

 

I love him so much and I know he loves me too but the trust is way gone.

 

Read this again. This is a pure contradiction..that's not 'love' at all. That's infatuation turned to obsession. It pains me to hear you say you love him despite the same garbage day in and day out. This guy is a world-class tool. That's how I was with my 1st girlfriend when I was 15 and didn't know a damn about humility, loving myself, and sustaining a healthy relationship. Get out and move on. Put your foot down and stand up for yourself. Don't take his mental abuse BS anymore, you deserve much better!

[amtjrtcet]

Get out now!!! He has major control & insecurity issues. Be strong, you are an individual, you don't need him to survive

[Iceman26]

Ok, I have read enough about this topic that I want to share,

 

When someone keeps asking or pushing that you are cheating,

 

It very well may be that they are,

 

And they feel so guilty about it,

 

That they watch you like a hawk,

 

My ex always asked me if I was cheating,

 

Wouldn't let me talk to other guys, etc,

 

When deep down, he was out in the search of another woman,

 

Whilst keeping our relationship intact,

 

Are there any signs that he is cheating?

 

Hugs,

 

Rose

 

I completely agree with this. There may indeed be some projection on his part. Like he may have cheated and is suspicious that you yourself are cheating as well.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Get away from him NOW! He is never going to get better and some day he may start beating you. This guy is controlling and bad for you. Any person who expects you to give up your friends and make you prove your loyalty on a daily basis has serious issues. GET OUT NOW!!!!

[xprincessbugx]

I agree with the above posters. He has to fix this on his way without you. I wouldn't have any part of this. LEAVE!!

[flower99]

Wow Need Advice.....Every word of your post were my words 3 years ago.

 

can I Private message you?

[Need advise]

Thanks everyone for your advise. It's going to be tough but i know what i have to do.

 

flower99... i would like to hear what you have to say but i'm new to this and i'm not sure how to go about private messaging.

[flower99]

How to allow private messaging? Okay I'm great with instructions, but I'll try (:

 

top left of your screen (under the logo) Click on User CP, than you will have a list of options on the left side of the screen, click on Edit Options, than put a check mark in the box allowing users to private message you.

hope that helps

[Need advise]

Flower99- i think i did it.

[flower99]

Flower99- i think i did it.

 

I just sent it.......but private message, wasn't avalable so I did the email option...so it's probably in your emails (:

warning...it's very long....sorry!

[Rabican]

I would simply calmly explain the situation to him, that you did not cheat and that he was being irrational. (im sure you have already done this) but for arguments sake do it again. Tell him what happened, what you were thinking and that if he brings it up again you are through with him.

 

If you did something to justify his being paranoid then he might have a point, but he doesnt. Hes just being controlling, paranoid, irrational etc. give him one shot to sort it out in his head from here out and then make a break for it if he cant.

 

Dont spend more time being with someone whos gonna freak over nothing.