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I dated my ex lover on and off for 3 years.

We never made anything official but I still loved him and for some strange reason, thought he loved me.

We would get together have a great time for months and then he would decide to just end it and move on to date other people.

Then he would come back and the cycle would repeat itself.

He always said he wasn't trying to get serious with anyone.

The last time we split, I thought it was the same part of the cycle.

I kept hoping against hope that one day he would come back and we could start our relationship.

A real relationship when he was finally ready to settle down.

The last time it made me crazy.

I was so tired of the back and forth and so in love.

Then, 2 months after we had split he hooked up with someone new.

I wasn't worried at first. I saw her and I knew that although she was a nice girl, she couldn't compare to me.

I was still going kind of crazy but figured time would tell and like always he would be back.

But he won't be.

He made this new chick his woman.

The same man that said he wasn't ready to settle down, did.

With a simple-minded, attractive but not gorgeous (as I have been told many times I am), silly, non-firey, young in the mind broad that cannot approach my level on her best day.

I don't know what to think.


I'm devastated.

I can't figure out what was wrong with me and it makes me feel awful.

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Welcome to Enotalone.


The first thing I can tell you, is this is not about you. This is about him, and the ability he has taken upon himself to waltz in and out of your life and unfortunately you have allowed him to. Second, who knows what his intentions with this new gal are...maybe he will do the same thing to her as he did to you. And third, and most important: be happy you are rid of him! Why would you want someone who can walk in and out of your life, sleep with other women, come back to you when he is bored or whatever with them, and then leave again when he is tired of you or met someone who catches his eye at the moment. You have given him the right to do this to you, now it's up to you to prevent that from ever happening again. You tell us of all these great qualities you have, let them shine through for someone who is deserving of them

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I guess it doesn't so much matter what YOU think about her, since he obviously picked her over you...


My ex broke up with me because he "wasn't sure about things" and "needed time to work through stuff on his own"... I have a feeling that in a very short time I'll find out he's happily dating someone I think is a complete downgrade compared to me... But what matters in his life I suppose is what HE thinks of her, not what I think of her.


Either way I'm sure you're fantastic and you will be for someone else, just not him. Good luck!

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Hey there and welcome to eNotAlone.


I was in the exact situation 6 years ago. I dated this guy off and on for about 3 years. We would be together for a few months, all would be well and then out of the blue, he would want to have "that talk." He would "break" up with me and I would be crushed. Then 6 months or so would go by and he would call out of the blue wanting to meet up and like an idiot, I would take him back. Then things would be fine for awhile and then he would have "that talk."


Meanwhile, after he broke up with me, he would date others. At that time, I worked at a restaurant and he would bring these girls there while I was not working and in front of my friends and regulars. It was humilatating because everyone knew how I felt and how he was treating me.


So, for the forth and final time he broke up with me, I told him to never call me again, to never think of me again, if he sees me at school or in public, do not think about coming up to me and making small talk, never ask for a favor again. And that was it. This was in October of 2000 and Feb of 2001, he did call to borrow something but by that time, I was changed so much, I was stronger and wiser so I agreed to meet up with him for a couple of beers and we had a swell time. As we were walking to our cars, I thanked him for the nice evening and said, "nothing is going to happen tonight..." Never heard from him again.


So as hard as this is, you need to stop taking him back. I know this is very hard. Hoping he would finally come around and realize what a great gal you are, how you are a trooper and finally you will be rewarded for your patience and understanding. Nope, never will happen. This man does not love you, probably does not even care about you, he is just thinking about himself. Do not let him treat you like this. Next time he calls, tell him you are busy and you do not want anything to do with him and hang up and stick to your word. I know this is hard. You can Private message me if you like, I know exactly what you are going through.


Take care and keep me posted.



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First of all, welcome to enotalone Mover.


I can understand why you feel awful. It's never easy to find out that someone you really care about has found someone else. And you know, I've been through something similar with a guy.


This guy seems like a jerk. He was just using you as a side thing. For whatever reason he never wanted to commit to you. Maybe because he knew you would always be there when he got done with some other girl, so there was no reason for him to commit.


I have a feeling that things won't last long with this new girl, no matter how serious they might get. At this point, there's something about this girl that he really likes. But the second something better comes along, he will leave her.


But you know, you should feel lucky that you are rid of him. You deserve a lot better than what he was offering you.


Give yourself time. If he ever ever tries to come back, try to be strong and say no. You will get over him if you just allow yourself to.


If you ever need anything, feel free to pm me.

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"Most of all, I know better than this so I just feel like a fool although I am quite far from foolish."


I felt the same way. I consider myself strong, wise and pretty sound-minded, but when I got into the likes of this guy, I was pretty much an idiot. I am sure my friends wanted to go and shake me. LOL


You will be okay. I know this hurts but I can assure you, as time goes by, you will better and stronger. Give yourself a break.

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Thank you all!


I was feeling crazy and alone.

It's funny because most of the people that know me adore me and I couldn't figure out for the life of me why he didn't.


I guess it's not really about him or her, but truly about some kind of empty void I keep trying to fill inside me.


I feel awful and don't really know what to do next.

I've been through worse so I don't understand why this hurts so much.

I can't really figure out what to do next, all I really want is to stop the pain.


Any advice on that would be appreciated.

My friends tell me to focus my energy but there's only so much focus one woman can have.

In the down-time, those small moments, I think of this and how I allowed myself to be de-preciated, lessened in value, and even how I belittled myself and I start feeling bad all over again.


Knowing I'm not alone certainly helps.

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Hey there,


Unfortunately, you are going to have to experience the pain first before you feel better. When my ex broke up with me, my life was changing, I had just started graduate school, I was making new friends, my niece was born and I started a weight loss program. So I had many things to keep me busy. And as time went by, I felt better.


So, I would recommend you try to keep busy, hang with your friends, perhaps trying out new things and allow yourself to grieve too. It is normal. Plus, you want to be able to experience all the emotions, to get them out of your system so in the next relationship, you will not be carrying any emotional baggage. Start doing things for YOU.

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I can't send any pm's yet, I guess I'm too new.

I am really glad that I found this site because I didn't think people shared these kinds of thoughts out in the open. It's sort of embarrassing to realise that I have low self-esteem and a host of other problems.


I live in the city and have a pretty full social calendar. I know a lot of people and they generally view me as sort of together. When I say sort of, I am called crazy, but in that kind of way that everyone thinks I am a balls to the wall, fun, kooky, life of the party girl. They also know I'm not to be crossed. My close friends are the only ones that know that inside I am pretty much empty. They are the only ones that hear the tears and all that other stuff. It's difficult for me because I am considered attractive by others although most of the time I think they are blind. I don't see my looks the way people do. I know that I am reasonably smart and it drives me crazy to not be able to control my feelings about myself and others.


Like the fact that when I see my ex and his girl (I even hate saying that) in the street, they watch me. Not paranoid watch me, but noticeably to the point that other people point it out. His girl doesn't like me but she smiles at me. I have a blog that my ex reads almost every day. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make them all go away.


I was fine before I knew this man. I would hang out, work and generally enjoy life. I like to read, go to plays, operas, eat at small places with good food and just have a good time. I used to go to yoga, skate and all sorts of other things.


Then I met him. The months that we'd spend together I was fine. We'd have a ball and when we weren't in each other's presense my life would go on. When we were split I'd go into a spiral of nothingness, feeling empty and doing stupid things until he came back.


Now with the knowledge that he won't be back I feel lost. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I pretend that I am ok when I am in front of people but go back to doing stupid things like once I slept with a guy that I didn't really like for no reason (and even he didn't want to be bothered with me after) or getting drunk and calling my ex. I can't think straight most of the time. I either sleep way too much or not at all. I can't concentrate and worst of all I can't even enjoy the things I used to love like a good book or good company.


I feel like I lost my life after I met him and I'm just going through the motions.


I want my life back but I don't know how to get it.

I can't get a date to save my life. The trend lately has been that plenty of guys are attracted to me and want to sleep with me, but none of them like me. I haven't had a guy really be interested in me since him. Sometimes I think my emptiness and neediness is leaking through my pores and scaring everyone away.


I feel so hopeless. Like a walking shell, going through the motions wearing a mask but inside is just a storm of obssession, self-hate and pain.


I want my damned life back.

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Hey there,


What you are feeling is normal, believe it or not. I like to call it the "de-tox" phase. You are going have to get reaquainted with your life without him in it and it can be dang scarey. It is okay to be scared, you are going onto the path of the unknown. That frightens many people.


You will get your life back, it will take some time. How long, I do not know, it depends. Sometimes you have to fake it until you make it. Just give yourself a chance to grieve, to be angry, to be sad. I can promise you, you will feel better, these things take time.


Until then, you can post here as much as you need too. You are certainly not alone and there is a ton of support here. Hang in there.

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  • 1 month later...

Well I'm back

I've been doing pretty much ok until now.


I started some new projects, got a new haircut, been out with friends just trying to keep it moving right along until today.


A performer who is a close friend of mine let me know that the ex came to a show with his new girl.


All of a sudden I was devastated.

It's as if it proves that something was so wrong with me because they are still together.

Now it feels like all the progress I've made in the last month or so is shot to hell because I feel like crap again.



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