I give up

[SLMitchell918]

Well, I never thought I'd actually say those words, but I really am starting to feel like giving up. My husband emotionally cheated back in november.....and it could have been physcial but he would never admit to it.

 

We use to spend lunches together......now he doesn't want me anywhere near his work place. He swears he doesn't talk to this girl......but tomorrow I will have to go to his work to get his check....he wants me to do it before his lunch so this girl wont see me. We were just speaking of and it burns me because I cant come by his work to get his check because of the other woman that he swore he doesnt' talk to anymore?

 

But thats not what even made me feel bad....it was the fact that he doesn't understand AT ALL how it would hurt me any. I wouldn't even say anything to this girl. But all he did was get mad on the phone......make me feel like im an idiot and thank me for ruining his lunch. I wasn't even mean, I just wanted to talk to him about how that would make me feel.....

 

I just give up. I asked him if the only reason he is with me is because of Savannah. ( he cheated on me when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant) He makes me feel like im crazy for even saying this stuff. But isn't it normal to think this way?

 

After 9 months, I have finally given up. Its hard to try and get over something like this when the other person doesn't even understand the hurt and sends you a message asking what is wrong with you???

 

I keep telling myself I dont deserve this & its not suppose to be this way. Anways, i told him over the phone that if he doesnt understand how him wanting me to stay away just because of her would hurt my feelings then i didnt want to be with him. Mainly because if he can't understand anything they put me through then he just doesnt' care about me. Hes always the injured party.

[doyathink]

Until he admits to himself that what he did and is still doing..... is wrong, it will never change. He doesn't feel he is in the wrong and no amount of talking on your part will change that. He has to come to terms with the fact that he has to be the one to make these changes for the sake of your marriage and for you to heal.

 

If he isn't willing to put you first and realize that this kind of thing is holding you back and still keeping your wounds from healing, than the road ahead of you will be long and never ending....Trust me, I know exactly how you feel.

 

My husband hides any form of female relationship from me. I'm not allowed to visit in the building of his work place.....we never attend company work functions because he doesn't want me to meet any one he works with......and when we see someone he works with out in public, he will run off to talk to them without me, I am not introduced to any of them. I am sure that when he has seen his female 'friends' out, he most likely went another direction as to avoid her/them so as not to alert me who they are!

 

If he goes out with his work buddies, I am never invited! Not once, yet I invite him to eat lunches with me and my work friends but he wont invite me....It's really sad that they want to protect these women from 'us'! I call it hiding these women instead!

[BellaDonna]

Hi SLMitchell918. I remember your story and all that you have been through. What has always stuck out to me (based on your posts alone) is how your husband does not seem to a.) be grateful you forgave him after her betrayed you b.) put effort into the relationship or to your feelings.

 

Granted, he cheated, and you decided to take him back- which means you can't hold it against him forever. BUT.... some of his behaviors just seem insane. You are his WIFE. If his loyalities are completely with you, then there should be no reason why he should be hiding you from his co-workers. The fact that he does not want her to have to face you means he's still protecting her, whereas if he cheated and was truly sorry then he should feel total apathy toward her and just move on with his life, make his marriage his focus, and be pleased to be seen with his wife and mother of his child. Instead he's acting like a coward.

 

I know you are afraid to leave because you have a baby- but if this relationship is destrcutive to you- then you are better off alone. You are a strong person. Both of you can still effectively parent your daughter without having to be together.

 

BellaDonna

[southerngirl]

If he will no longer let you go to his work and show you proudly as his wife, he is hiding something and protecting the 'other ' woman that he supposedly has nothing for.

 

 

This smells fishy to me. Just my 2 cents.

[chattymcchatterson]

Be strong. You daughter will be much happier in the long run if she has a mother who is happy.

 

I know how hard it is to leave a bad realtionship. I am going through it right now as well. My husband cheated and I kicked him out immediately. It was the impetous I need to go and look back and see how unhappy I was and that none of my needs were being met.

 

 

Dont look at it as Giving Up. Look at it as doing soemthing for yourself and your family. Look at it as the first day on the road to your new life.

[tictactoe2006]

Perfectly put chatty. How you doing, BTW?

[SLMitchell918]

Thank you all for your comments/advice. I pretty much agree.

 

Hes telling me that the reason he doesn't want me coming by is because he doesnt want any drama. So here I say - Well im not going to cause any drama. Which is true. & he said he is trying to protect me and Savannah ( she goes to work with me and I would have to bring her also)

 

So who knows. I just think its BULL & somewhat fishy.....but I said this much to him and he said that I misunderstand.

 

I told him that if he didn't understand how this could hurt my feelings then I didn't want to be with him. Because truthfully, if he doesn't understand HOW i feel about this - then hes just a jerk. So he breaks down and cried on the phone.......and at home yesterday. ( hes not the type of man to cry very often) Just because I said I would leave......had the chance to say it was over....but its hard to say.....