totally confused and baffled!

[romie]

Hello to all great site!

 

I know this has happened to some people on this site, so I will explain my situation. I met this girl at work about 5 1/2 months ago. We had both just moved on from relationships with other people. Dating was prohibited in my company and I was very worried and skeptial of getting involved at work. However, things progressed and this girl did not stop chasing me until she finally won me over. She told me I was the realest person she had ever met. I'm in my late 20's and she is in her early 20's. We ended up becoming very serious, although I kept my distance from her emotionally cause she was coming on with alot of intensity. She was absolutely convinced that I was the one for her. She quit the job for me, quit smoking, totally respected my thoughts and judgements. She really loved me, and tried real hard to get me to love her back. Things were good in the relationship as far as me guiding her in life. She practically lived at my house, we did alot together, although her life was scrambled (going through various jobs) not having her own identity. She became really depressed about things(job, relationship,etc). So last week we took a vacation and everything seemed to be fine. When we got back I noticed she was sleeping alot and was kind of depressed about things. She told me not to worry, that sometimes she gets into these depressions, but bounces right back. This was totally not in her character, I knew something was up. She always said that people who end relationships without being up front were idiots! To make the long story short I called her one night that she didn't sleep over and she did not anwswer the phone. She called me the next day and told me that she didn't hear it cause she had been sleeping through it. She NEVER has not heard the phone ring when I'm calling! I felt like something was very wrong so I asked her why she was acting funny. Her story is that she was feeling depressed and that she didn't know what she wanted anymore. I was like WHAT? I freaked out and told her that I wanted to break up cause I know what she was getting at and I hung up the phone. She called right back and told me to calm down, that was not what she was getting at. She said she just needed to sort things out and needed a couple of days. So I told her I'd give her the time she needed. The next day I wrote her a beautiful letter on how I felt about her. She didn't respond for 3 days. I had called and left messages ,etc. Finally, I went to where she goes to school to face her. She was real sweet with me and told me she was gonna call. She told me that she realized that we were on totally different levels that I was everything she wants in a man to marry but she had to go through some steps before she's ready for this. She felt really bad and told me she just didn't feel the same way for me. I was crushed but understood. She started crying because she said she wanted the feeling back real bad. So I left. It's been two weeks and I haven't heard from her since. How the hell can someone love you that much and go cold turkey on you like that. Like you never meant anything to them. She of all people not even giving me the decency of a phone call to let me know where I stood. I don't think she'll ever come back! Any thoughts would be appreciated!

[crookster_man]

Well I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Some times people get into things they just aren't able to handle. It sounds like she is very confused about a lot of things. She is trying to find herself and right now that requires her to be alone. Or maybe she just found some other guy (sorry but it's a possibility). It sounds like she doesn't respect you very much with not giving you a call and just cutting you lose… Honestly, who does that?

 

Regardless of her motivation, she is being selfish. Even if she needs time, or wants to break up for good, she should show you the common courtesy of explaining why to you. Though it is not required by law to explain our actions to our loved ones, it's expected. Sounds like she and you are in a different place. I'm sorry for you, but she sounds like she wouldn't be that good for you anyways.

 

Remember You have to be true to yourself. You have to do what you need. And never forget, you are not alone.

[slider]

You are going about the situation very well, keep it up. I understand that you are confused but trust me stay out of contact with her. It definitely is the right thing to do. Contacting her will make you feel worse, trust me on this.

 

Now for the bad part. KEEP IN MIND I MAY BE WRONG ABOUT THIS. You'll have to consider the possibility that she is seeing someone else. This greatly resembles my ex in that she was very smothering, loving to the point she would give up a lot to please me but a touch insecure. For these types, they can't handle being alone and move from relationship to relationship quickly. Same symptoms, depression because she is unhappy that she can't be with the other person and not hurt you at the same time. Lying like never before. Not calling because of her guilt. I've been on both sides of that. She really doesn't want to see you hurt. They CAN do "cold turkey" without closure because there's someone else. This behavior is very common in relationships, almost like DNA.

 

I hate to bring harsh reality to this board but I honestly do it to help. The sooner you can face letting go, the sooner you'll heal. If you contact her, you will open unhealed scabs. But hey, I may be wrong about this whole thing, let's hope I am.