Takes me forever to call...

[Shadow25]

I called Foxy (27yr old with daughter that I like), and well..once again, I got an answering machine took me about 2 and a half hours of nerves to ring her, and yet when talking to her in person i feel FINE...whats the deal with that...I feel like i'm about to have a freaking heart attack!

 

Anyway... I left the message "hey Foxy its ... here, could you give me a quick ring when you get this, thanks, seeya"

 

So...yeah...2 and a half hours, just to say that...whats wrong with me

 

I can talk to women normally in person, I'm fine asking them out when I'm alone with them (not when people are around), so why so hard just to call them up on the phone ?

[Caine]

Maybe you have a fear that you won't know what to say and be left with an akward silence. If that's the case, have an ending line ready if it all goes quiet. (like, 'well I better go, gotta go and do such and such) Don't think too much about the call, just pick up the phone and do it, don't let this control you, don't even think about it. Ask yourself, 'what's the worst that can happen?' then accept the worst possible, and just pick up the phone, your in charge of you.

[Shadow25]

haha yeah, i know, thanks for the advice. I know what I am going to say on the phone to her, but I dunno why it's so damn hard to call a woman I like, even if it's just for something simple.

I've called this (I'll call her foxy) Foxy before, but back then she was all flirty with me and all of that, but I was still scared for some reason, and now i'm kicking myself because she couldnt of made herself any more clearer that she was interested.

 

Anyway, I know that phone conversations should be brief, and I know what I will say on the phone, but It was just calling her that is the hard part.

 

I think i'm just overly thoughtful of what could happen.

Things like

- I call her, she turns sour on me, says no, then goes and tells the other adults at martial arts about it, then I won't be able to walk in there without tears coming to my eyes with paranoia and embarrassment.

 

- I call her, she says yeah, but only so I don't get cut up.

 

- I call her, she says maybe, then talks about it infront of everyone at martial arts on tuesday.

 

Anyway, I've gotta finish this here, this post, I'm off to watch a movie...it's been 3 and a half hours since I called and left a message...she still hasnt replied...ahwell.

[Caine]

I do things like txt my g/friend and think it's been such and such amount of time since she replied, try not to worry about the length of time, they could be having a really busy day, you just don't know. Always ask yourself what's the worst that can happen? am I going to die from this? will I end up in prison? No, the worst is a little embarrasment, and IF that happens, you just gotta tell yourself 'so what' and know that, that person wasn't worth it, you'll learn from all there experiences and be much more equipped to deal with them next time.

[Shadow25]

yeah, I've been telling myself "F what anybody thinks, If people give me dirt over this, then they can learn to grow up, so what!" but even so, I think it doesnt need to be dramatic, I don't want it to be, It should be just like asking any person out, or being in a relationship with any person, there shouldnt be so much crap to worry about.

 

Oh, and I never thought about this, but today is fathers day, so she may have been with her father.

[JimmerJammer]

man you're young, but not much yougner than me. in all the dating and problems i've gone through, INCLUDING what you've described. I realized something very crucial. it deals with so many underlyin things, usually, that are typically resolved when you start being yourself.

 

people are typically afraid to be themselves and let themselves BE in the moment fully. things like nerves and anxiety get the best of them because they start "worrying" about makign the call and what it would mean if the right thing wasn't said or if they didn't pick up. in other words, thinking too much about the intended outcome instead of being present to produce the intended outcome.

 

you know what the funny thign is? you know what really works? instead of worrying about anything or about how you are or anything like that. try for once, just focusing on being what your woman wants. by that i mean that she probably wants a man who is strong and that means showing courage in those moments where it helps you to. try being NOT nervous or anxious for her. in the moment recognize how that will only hurt you and deny you from yoruself and also deny HER the chance to be with you fully.

 

if you see and can recognize how you cheat women out of this, it becmoes a lot clearer. all that nervousness and anxiety IS for nothing and is hard to overcome at first, but for me that's what really worked. when i paid attention more to feeling through the woman i was interacting with and realizing that i wasn't much good when i'm a nervous wreck. i don't give myself fully with the woman i'm interacting with and that crushes them.

 

and as a result, you deny these women the chance to be with the man that you are underneath. to be whole with them. even if who you are right now isn't who you really want to be, its who you want to be and truly are that they want. if you won't give them that, they won't give themselves to you.

[Shadow25]

wow, thanks for that, It made me feel better reading that, made me think about some things.

 

It kindof made me realise that asking her out infront of everyone shouldnt be thought of as a scary thing, but a courageous thing, or a confident thing to do, and women love guys who have some cahone's (so to speak) to do things that are normally VERY hard to do, and arent expected.

 

As for the call back...she hasnt called back yet, no big deal, but i'm kindof wondering if I should call her later on tonight after martial arts finishes, because I don't know if she goes on mondays, and don't want to call while she is there training, perhaps she is out of credit, and can't call me back.

Ahwell, I am going to send an email asking if she got my message I left her.

 

It's weird, my msn thing keeps chat logs by default, and when I looked back at our first chat online, I was laughing at how damn stupid I was, I wouldnt shut up, I wouldn't make much sense on some thing, I mean, it wasnt a BAD chat, as she was nearly always saying "lol" or "AHAHAHA!" or something along those lines, and she was also engaging in topics and adding her thoughts on topics aswell, and now I realise why she probably gave up...I sounded like a kid, and now i'm kicking myself for that...at the time I wasnt reading anything on how to be more attractive or any of that, and so now, reading back at that conversation, I just feel really silly, as I couldnt believe I even said some certain things, or I behaved like I did.

 

At the time, she was the one who spoke to me first, I waited to see if she would speak to me first, and she did, it was the night I got her email address..and she asked "not out on a friday night?" and it just went downhill from there with a few ups.

 

Anyway..the past is the past, now I just have to wait until tomorrow, or sometime soon for her to call me back. For some reason, I feel as though she is avoiding me, doesnt reply to any texts i've sent in the past...so I stopped sending texts, she doesnt engage in conversation with me anymore, where as she used to do it all the time, so I start conversation with her and well, the conversation is fine, she doesnt touch me anymore, unless we're doing a certain technique in training, she doesnt show any flirting signals...maybe only looking at me, and that is it now, it's like I did something wrong somewhere, and I just screwed the whole thing up...and what has happened now, is what I was afraid of, if I showed her my true feelings...I hardly showed alot of interest, because I was scared of scaring her off...but because I showed no interest...I guess she just isn't interested anymore.., I don't know.

But hopefully, she had that interest once, she gave up thinkin I wasnt interested, and now I am showing interest, she may just give it a shot...but now I've just gotta see what happens with this dating business.

 

Thanks for your help, I'll update this post when something happens.