Is it ok to ask a guy out?

[2900]

So i like this guy and i wanna ask him out. i'm not sure how he feels about me. i think the both of us send each other mixed signals. i figure if i ask him out, he'll go if he likes me right? and if he's not interested he'll say no, then i can delete him from my phone. so how should i go about doing this. not really sure how to ask him. i was thinking super casual like coffee. but i don't know how to ask him. suggestions please!!

[rose2summer]

Call him up and say:

 

"Hey X, it's 2900, I was wondering if you would be interested in getting some coffee this weekend. I really want to try out the caramel frappucino at Starbucks and get to know you better. Are you busy on Saturday?"

 

That would be my approach.

 

But then again, I am very forward.

 

I don't like to beat around the bush,

 

I do find though that men like to be the askers,

 

And not so much be asked out,

 

That's what a few guys have told me,

 

But who knows, it really depends on the man,

 

Good luck!

 

Rosie

[ImThatGirl]

Ask him, ask him, ask him!

 

My boyfriend and I have known each other for 14 years. Fourteen years, we've seen each other out and about (in our little town) and made serious eye contact but never talked. Every time I have seen him, I was completely drawn to him but refused to talk first or ask him out.

 

Our first actual conversation was through myspace. Just small talk for a couple of months. I kept waiting for him to ask me out. I happened to see him out a few months ago and finally had the nerve to ask him "So when are we going to go out?" He pretty much said "ooohh I thought you were snooty and not interested." I've talked to him everyday since and we are in a serious relationship. We both wish we would have talked to each other much sooner.

 

Can you just call him and ask him to coffee? Are you super nervous?

[2900]

Can you just call him and ask him to coffee? Are you super nervous?

 

yeah i'm a nervous wreck just thinking about it.

[2900]

Call him up and say:

 

I do find though that men like to be the askers,

 

And not so much be asked out,

 

That's what a few guys have told me,

 

But who knows, it really depends on the man,

 

Rosie

 

you think i should wait on him instead?

[ImThatGirl]

How long have you known him? How long has the mixed signals been going on?

 

You have his phone number. How did that come about?

 

I was very nervous too. Now I wonder what my life would have been like had I talked to my bf sooner.

[n83]

Go for it!! But sound super casual. "Hey, do you wanna grab lunch sometime?" or something.. make it sound like it's not a big deal (which it isnt!)

[Batya33]

I think it's ok it just increases the risk that this is the type of typical guy who doesn't feel all that comfortable or into a woman who does the asking out/pursuing in the beginning. In general, I don't know of any long term serious happy relationships where the woman did most of the pursuing in the beginning. If you are friendly and approachable, most emotionally available and otherwise available men will ask you out if they are interested in you. Even very shy men will do that.

 

Having said that, nothing wrong with inviting him along on a group outing or yes maybe grabbing lunch during the day - super casual. After that, leave the ball completely in his court.

 

A guy who is strongly interested might be fine with being asked out first but it might cause him to pause and say hmmmmm - that's kind of aggressive/forward and that might not sit right with him.

 

Also be sure that if he is not the type of man who steps up to the plate in the beginning (unusual but could be) that you are fine with being the main pursuer in the relationship. I wouldn't be but you might be.

[Day_Walker]

the problem with anything casual is that me may go but that doesnt mean he is interested. I still say do something casual but then look for more clear indicators like body language.

[Jayar]

You'll find you have better results and less relationship issues if you go out with guys that actively pursue YOU. If you ask him, he may go because he has nothing better to do. In fact he may go out a few times with you, and he may even sleep with you eventually... But he didn't pursue you and it will start to show. IMO.

 

If he doesn't ask you out on a date, he clearly isn't that interested.

[ImThatGirl]

I think I may have agreed with you, Jayar, before a couple months ago.

 

My boyfriend probably wouldn't have ever asked me out. But we have a very good thing going. He was interested before but not the pursuing type and he's very interested now.

[Batya33]

Yes, I agree that if you don't want a guy who will pursue a woman he is interested in and you feel comfortable playing that role, it can work out very nicely. I can't think of any examples where that has worked out long term but obviously that doesn't mean they don't exist.

 

Curious question for the last poster - has your boyfriend every before asked out a girl he was interested in?

[mysteryman]

To be honest, guys like it if a girl asks them out, so you probaly stand a better chance of getting a date than by waiting. I wish more girls would be like you lol.

[ImThatGirl]

Batya - Yes, he has before.

 

I asked him "So when are we going to go out..." But I waited for him to specifically ask me on a date which happened a day or two later (after a couple text messages back and forth.)

 

So I guess I just kinda put the ball in his court. But had I not done that, he wouldn't have taken the ball. I've also been told by him and others that I'm unapproachable. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I'm one of the most down to earth girls....

[Batya33]

OK - got it - well it sounds like you pulled the trigger first but he stepped up to the plate after. My "theory" more applies to women who do most of the pursuing in the beginning stages -sounds like all you did was ask him out on one date (or ask him to ask you out, etc) once. Still, I see you as the exception - typically if the woman - even if she is "unapproachable" has to pull the trigger first, it usually doesn't result in a healthy relationship. Glad you are the exception!